He is my first love,
it is strange.
His hand and mine, fit together like a glove.
My emotions are all rearranged.
Everything is so surreal,
we share lots of laughter.
He knows just how I feel,
and when I cry, he holds me after.
I believe he loves me,
but what do I know?
I wish I could see,
I wish his feelings he would show.
Author notes
Not really my style but OK
A contest entry
- January New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended February 15, 2007, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is good. I note you say it is not your style - one should stay true to who you are and when given a challenge try to incorporate your style into that which you are doing.
The poem tells of your first love but would be stronger if as a reader I could feel how YOU felt.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance.
Rosemary -
Welcome to All Poetry!
This really showcases a lot of what you crave and emotionally feel. I thought it was effective to a certain degree.
Thank you for entering the contest
I wish you luck and welcome you to All Poetry!
abscessed
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This was a nice write, thank you for sharing! The word "after" in the second stanza seems a bit strange to me in this context... And maybe you could rephrase the last line a bit... But of course you don't have to!
There has already been a suggestion about what I mean...
Welcome to AP and I wish you lots of luck in the contest!
Keep on writing!
Annie 
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Thank you for your entry and welcome to Allpoetry!
I do like this piece, I love the words that speak of your hands being held together and fitting like a glove.
I can tell it isn't what you would normally call your style of writing, just because I think it could flow a little better.
There is a slight contradiction in what you write, if he is holding your hand, and comforting you when you cry, then he is showing his emotions. Showing he cares for you. Perhaps you could end it with "only time will tell" or something similar
Good luck
Faerie
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Wow, you say this is your first poem? It is really good! It is short, and Is don't usually enjoy rhyme, but you have done a pretty good job of it here, my only suggestion is for this line;
"and when I cry, he holds me after."
Adding the word 'after' at the end of that line doesn't really make sense, because he would hold you while you cry, not after you cry. Perhaps you could remove the word 'after', I know it is there to keep the rhyme, but remember good poetry doesn't always have to rhyme.
Anyways, this is overall a great piece, and I remember that anxious waiting hoping to see if my he really did love me! I hope you figure it out.
Welcome to AllPoetry, I wish you the best in the contest and around the site. If you ever have a poem you need commented on, please feel free to send me the link, and I will stop by, read it, and hopefully give you a helpful comment!
-shirley- -
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Thanks for the entry and welcome to the site!
It seems as though our first loves will always have a tender spot in our hearts. This poem reminds me of mine Nice work here. Thank you very much for taking the time to write for` and enter our contest. Best wishes and welcome to AllpoetryDove
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thanks and welcome
Welcome to AP, and thank you for entering the contest..
I can understand about it not being your style,it shows just a bit,, I would love to see some other of your stuff though.. for me it flows well,but could use a bit of rearanging... but over all it is a good piece about the first loves and uncertainies that it brings us all.. well done and good luck in the contest..
Krystal
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Welcome to AllPoetry
And thanks for entering. A very nice first love poem. Good flow to the piece and the emotion is apparant. The only place I lost rhythm a bit was in the last line. I think because it sort of reads out of order. Obviously, you wouldnt want to state simply "I wish he would show his feelings" But the "his feelings he would show" is a bit awkard. Perhaps if you tweeked the line a little by starting it a bit different where it could end with "his feelings would show"
Of course, that would be entirely at your discretion and the poem gets its point across regardless.
It is a nice read that brings to mind pleasant memories for many, I think.
Best of luck in the contest and, again welcome to AP.
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Thanks for entering
First loves are always full of uncertanty, they are also full of exploration and passion. You are not only learning about him but yourself as well. This was a very nice poem. The flow was good and the rhyme didn't seem forced. I see one tinly little thing though, you left off the e on the word share
Good luck in the contest and welcome to ap
God Bless
Tammy
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