undecided insight
-the boss of her thoughts
-the script of her soul,
her emotional hibernation,
a canoe of tranquility, the alliteration of her mind, like
mannequins.
the astrologically sound of her blood-
“metaphorical meanings,
a picayune amount.”
to be without feeling-
rock candy memories resonate the truth,
kissing clouds and love are only spilt ink,
[the scarred warrior, her only quintessence.]
this is the feeling of emotionless pain.
the modernization of snow-white complexion
dilates her pupils, her mind now spiritually infused.
the joy riding on pure trumpets of sorrow-
one last thought to clog the hope ablaze.
overpowering sense triumphed,
forever.
stuck in superficial perception and thoughts
is her last shimmer of optimism. but
the girl without sentiment is dead in the snow.
A contest entry
- Round 1 of 5 (My second 5-part contest) by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended February 5, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Amaze Me! by Shantalina.
550 points, ended February 27, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING!! PREWRITES ALLOWED!! by Angierie.
425 points, ended March 29, 2007, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1st Round: Anything you want......:D [[Closes in 1 hour!]] by xox-lankan-xox.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 171 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feel Free To Be Critical;
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Very creative....I don't quite know what to think. I think I like it...I know I don't NOT like it...But I think I like it...lol if that makes any sense. What I'm trying to say is...well written...I have a hard time with poems that aren't either left aligned or centered....ones with shapes or forms, I tend to dislike them. Maybe it's because I can't do that and actually achieve something of value? anyway, well written as I said...and good luck!
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Wow!!! Wonderful poem. This is a unique and creative write and the poem seems to stand out a lot. I am not usually a fan of a format such as this, but it does add to the poem in this caase.
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All i can say is that some times i wish i was that girl.
Apart from that unique, strange and oddly truthfull.
Blessed Be
Allura -
Very visual
I think you did a great job and capturing images that matched the title. A wonderfully expressive piece. Good luck in the contest.
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Best of the Best Judge
Wow, hard task but you did it. I thought this piece was very well written. It had an excellent flow. Only thing I saw was you changed "alliteration" to "alliterates" which is against the rules. Once you change that I think you will be good to go. Good luck. - cgirl0410 -
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Thanks, glad you liked it
Oh.. I tried so hard not to change any of the words!! Lol, I guess I just naturally missed that, anyways, got it changed now. Thanks for your comment.
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Woah. I think this was a very well written. How did you get the inpiration to write it? The fact that you used two word banks is very interesting, and very impressive.
The last line, "The girl without sentiment is dead in the snow" really wrapped it all together.
You did a great job on this, and it shows you have a lot of talent.
Keep it up!
One weird thing: my brother's name is Ryan. Huh.
Lyrik
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Thanks alot for your comment Glad you liked it
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This is an excellent piece of poetry. The fact that you used two word banks is terribly impressive, for I've always found word banks to be quite difficult to use. This is very though-provoking. Your last line, "the girl without sentiment is dead in the snow" brough chills down my spine. Superbly penned.
Elizabeth
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Thanks for your comment! Glad you liked it !
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It's kinda wierd... I LOVE WIERD!!!!
Hey Ryan, It's a really cool poem. Sorry it took me so long to respond, I did read it when you posted it, though. Anyway, it's really nice and it flows excellently. Keep it up!
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this is creative, i think you did a great job on this and it shows a lot of talent, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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