If I had 5 Gold Coins in which to wish upon...
I wish for World Peace, so that future
generations would never experience the heartache
of losing a loved one to the ravages of war...
I wish for the end of World Hunger,
so that not another child goes to bed
hungry as their parents more
than struggle to make ends meet...
I wish for the World to be
color blind, so that people
would realize that there is
more to a person than
the color of their skin.
That everyone had a warm and safe
place to call home at the end of
a long day.
Last, but not least I would wish for
tolerance for people who lead a
different lifestyle than
what society deems morally right.
I would give these coins to
the Angel of Hope and pray
all these wishes come true
one day.
Author notes
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i150/pollycheck/angels/stamp2.jpg
A contest entry
- a contest for poets with thick skin. by duke of balabamas.
300 points, ended April 14, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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omnipotent in it's own right, this is a very distinctive collection of thoughts. These, your thoughts are to me valuables that far out weigh any ounce of precious metal, pearl or gem. truths in beauty, beauty in truths for the ages, for the now, for the future and what brings everlastingness.
real. genuine. this is truly your soul, and no one elses that has spoken so well!
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That was powerful the background made it kinda tricky to read it and what do mean when saidI wish for the end of World Hunger,
so that not another child goes to bed
hungry as their parents more
than struggle to make ends meet when it said ends meat what did you mean by that mom? -
lets get to it.
this piece is seriously lacking. the message is somewhat endearing, but it left me a little depressed because you didnt throw out the old "if we are all kind to others and such and such these problems could be solved." if you had taken the opposing point to that quote, that would have been noble realism and earned you more points for a real message. but this is just a listing of problems in society and your awareness of them.
didnt particularly get the Angel of Hope thing. shouldnt you be encouraging others to do rather than hope?
you chose to use a very loose form and the punctuation was not particularly effective. your overuse of the ellipse made me wonder why it wasnt carried to the transition from the last wish to the end.
the imagery was fairly strong, and the redeeming part of this particular entry. but even it suffers from being too simple. theres a time and a place for simplicity.
i dig the idea behind the concept, but not the execution. i think this could have been done cleverly and precisely, and it honestly wouldnt.
overall, you kind of latchched onto a cliche and played off images appropriately but failed to execute a solid piece. you recieve a 30/100.
DS -
Very appropriate. I've never heard of the five gold coins saying but I think someone should, at their soonest possible convenience grant your wishes.
Its sad to think that our nations are hell bent on war when theres a struggle more important in our own backyards and in the hearts and minds of millions across the globe.
Your piece is really empathetic in that sense.
Amen -
Thank you for entering my contest. This is a great interpretation of the image you were sent. I think that you may have left out a word in the first stanza.
I would wish for World Peace, so that future
generations would never the heartache
of losing a loved one to the ravages of war...
Did you mean something like this?
I would wish for World Peace, so that future
generations would never experience the heartache
of losing a loved one to the ravages of war... -
Interesting picture you were sent as inspiration for this contest - such a variety of them used in this challenge. Liked your take on this - wishing on the coins...
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a powerful poem with a good message.i liked the flow of words also.
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