I am letting myself remember
The things we should write down,
but instead chose to ignore.
My quixotic memories
Of young violations
(He was violent)
violet
Smeared purple, I recall him
Tangled in sheets, legs, arms,
I am disinclined to dwell upon
The breathless
pain they can inflict,
These memories.
My body was spared, but my mind...
I learnt cruelty, step by pretty step
He taught me perfectly,
I use it in his memory.
He offered me the knowledge that I am
just
a pile of hipbones, vanilla scented limbs
(When it suits him)
But always, always... now, because of his
Bittered beauty and manipulation of my
body,
I am simple.
A skewed revenge plan, embodied here
So unbelievably ugly.
And there is nothing I can do
It was my heart, and he broke it.
Now I will continue, lurching
through failures
Striving to be better
Poisoning the waters, my achilles
is so obvious
It's a wonder you didn't
Shout "injustice" on the rooftops
Where I lay, my eyes away from you.
There was no witch hunt
Instead I am shackling myself
In shame and silk ropes
My movements are exaggerated.
I know
I am not subtle because my head is
Just too full of whirling and I cannot hold it still.
Maybe that explains why
I could not even dress for him.
Nothing fits, and the fabric stings my skin
This is physical punishment
fate allowed. I am sorry.
Wake up innocence, I miss you.
Author notes
"Take your hands off me, please. I don't belong to you, you see..."
A contest entry
- i wrote this for a boy that never loved me.... by autumns rising.
1200 points, ended January 18, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love... Envy... Fabulous by Pretty Britty.
750 points, ended April 4, 2008, 46 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
-
I. Love. This poem! Pure brilliance that you've written here! Wonderfully done!
-
it doesnt say that this is in my contest...reenter?
-
Nothing fits, and the fabric stings my skin
This is physical punishment
fate allowed.
Wake up innocence, I miss you.
wow. just wow. really impressed me here. felt both fire and desire from this i guess for your longing.
tx for the entry!
-
the way you wrote this was perfect. I love this kind of format, it works so much better without the rhyme. Thank you kindly for your entry and good luck!
-
I love the way you write. It's very different, very free, you just let your thoughts flow but in a very eloquent way. Lovely.
-
-
thank you
-
-
I love the storyline. Great write.xoxo-mel.
-
This was very well done. Definitely one for the finalists list, probably (not definitely) one for a trophy!
-
Your wording and phrasing never ceases to amaze me. I think you're way too good for your own well being, hah! No, it's always a pleasure reading your work. I love the violations-violent-violet, it's just something that I've always been attracted to.
"The breathless
pain they can inflict"
--it's incredible how much damage one person can do to another human being, isn't it? And they feel no remorse.
"I learnt cruelty, step by pretty step
He taught me perfectly"
--I can relate to this in my own way. I have learned what emotional cruelty is just in the past few weeks, especially last night. It's almost like a sore ... it hurts to read others have to go through it too.
"Bittered beauty... - ...I am simple"
--raw and very well placed. The "I am" line almost feels hopeless, as if the speaker is giving up on trying to be anything but.
"Instead I am shackling myself
In shame and silk ropes"
--this is tragic violence. Imagery wise, it's scary.
"the fabric stings my skin"
--I just love this line. The last two lines are so sad. You cannot regain innocence once it is gone. You can bang your fists a thousand times over begging for it back but it will not return, love. I'm sorry that you had to endure such pain. The quote in the notes goes well with the piece but my stomach churns when I read it.
-
"Smeared purple, I recall him
Tangled in sheets, legs, arms,
I am disinclined to dwell upon
The breathless
pain they can inflict,
These memories.
My body was spared, but my mind..."
"Where I lay, my eyes away from you.
There was no witch hunt
Instead I am shackling myself"
"Nothing fits, and the fabric stings my skin"
I loved this. the flow and setup were amazing and I love the title.
great job ♥
-
I really didnt like the violence in it... thank you for the entry
-
This too is on my list
-
-
Thanks for being so sweet
You told me to recommend my favorite, I've been thinking and I really don't know! I guess no ones ever really happy with their own work. I live in hope though!
-
-
Now I will continue, lurching
through failures
Striving to be better
Poisoning the waters, my achilles
is so obvious
It's a wonder you didn't
Shout "injustice" on the rooftops
Where I lay, my eyes away from you.
There was no witch hunt
Instead I am shackling myself
In shame and silk ropes
My movements are exaggerated.
All of it, even more than these words were powerful. I found power blazing off every word. And perhaps your innocence is simply lying dormant just waiting to burst out.
Best of luck.
♥
-
I'm speechless, but in a good way.
-
O.O
I am in awe. Your flow of words is amazing, and I especially love the line "I could not even dress for you.
Nothing fits, and the fabric stings my skin
This is physical punishment
fate allowed. I am sorry."
Damn, you are great.
-
This was raw beauty. I love the last line, it really jumps out and adds over all meaning to the poem. <3
love it dollykins
-
-
Thank you x <3 x
-
-
So many good, unique lines. And the last..
God I love your poetry.
-
-
Thank you.x
-
-
hmm
this is probably the best poem you have ever written
i'll leave it at that....lol, nice use of fitting The Breathless in!
Love the last line!! and also the line in your authors notes! x
-
He offered me the knowledge that I am
just
a pile of hipbones, vanilla scented limbs
(When it suits me)
But always, always... now, because of his
Bittered beauty and manipulation of my
body,
I am simple.
adore it<3
-
gasp
-
-
Thank you your message. I deliberately (?!) didn't use spellcheck cause your powers are far superior
-
-
He offered me the knowlege that I am
just
a pile of hipbones, vanilla scented limbs
i loved that line.
beautiful.
Adding your comment:
1 - 25 of 25
