There were fields full of gold,
Where the farmers cropped their dreams;
There were rivers flowing by,
Where the shores made lovely screams;
There were clouds floating high,
Where the showers made shining streams.
All is gone said the wind,
Blowing high the desert sand;
All is gone said my soul,
Wandering in my motherland;
Still I love my sod,
Which was once green and grand.
Let me never say goodbye,
When my day takes me away;
Let me rest in my native land,
Hearing the songs of the bay;
Let me be there with her,
When spring come this way.
A contest entry
- Emo poems wanted! by EmmaLuLu.
500 points, ended April 17, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES! by forbidden-colour.
400 points, ended August 10, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Interesting, I liked the sense of change, in feelings and the seasons, I suppose the term "spring clean" can mean more things than one expects.
Good luck and thank you for entering.
Sophie
-
this poem is really good
good luck x
-
This is absolutely beautiful, the imagery, the sentiments emoted...the sense of loss you are seeking to portray is definitely felt by the reader. Nicely done. I see a couple tiny things: line 18: perhaps could read a bit smoother with 'When spring comes this way'; and Line 4: I am not sure if 'lovely screams' is a good fit and I am not sure I have any better suggestion, perhaps 'constant screams', or 'current screams' keeping with the idea of moving water...just 'lovely' screams is a bit off for my ear. I think this is a truly good write, even with this however...Peace, Rhonda
-
This poem was like a painting right before my eyes. It was so... unique and so... emotional. Hope I see more of your poems.
-
*claps* I like it, it painted a really nice picture in my mind. My favorite part was the last stanza, it just jumped out at me the most. I also like the title. Great job!
-
so sorry for clickin gthis as i see that i have already commented on it
it is still a very good write my friend
-
Evocative
This is a very visual evocation of memories. Yes, add an s to field if needed, but don't spoil the general flow of the words. I would call this a dignified poem, if I might do so. I think everyone longs to return to the land of his/her birth, however troubled the Present Time may have made it. Keep writing, and putting your dreams into words. Well done. -
very good
an interesting and picture forming write,in the first line however i think you mean fields not field.but that was th eonly typo i spotted
good work,keep it up.
-
I like what the title implies in my mind that lost world of...........line 1 i just feel fields full of gold as it goes better with the remaing lines of rivers and clouds.just a thought.
You have penned a poem full of heartwarming emotions. The love many feel for their little piece of earth, their space, their home. The sense of nationality of belonging a proud stance to what we call our homeland. This is a nice post and a pleasure for me to read.This to me is not jumping up and down and waving the flag it comes from the heart.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
