He destroyed me,
How could he?
He said I was too ugly.
But he acted like he liked me,
But he lied.
How could he be so mean?
I would cry in the inside,
Hurt in the inside,
Smile on the outside.
He tortured me.
He pretended that I was cool,
But I was such a fool.
How could I have believe him?
He just wanted me to feel pain,
What he would say made me go insane.
He was my first mistake,
My first heartbreak
But it is a new year,
And I'm glad he isn't near.
Author notes
My first hearbeak... is it brake or break? I really don't know!
A contest entry
- January New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended February 15, 2007, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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this was real good.I liked these lines ...
But he acted like he liked me,
But he lied.
How could he be so mean?
I would cry in the inside,
Hurt in the inside,
Smile on the outside.
He tortured me.
I know how you feel.It realy sucks.Boys really suck.I hope you are better now! -
Great write. Sad that he did something so abhorrable to you but I don't think anyone makes it through life without meeting one or two complete a$$es. There are some grammatical errors in the poem, but past that it's a great piece.
-Nick
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This is a poem I can really relate to. It's written really well, keep it up!
XxXKaela -
Nice poem. I think that all of us have been in that place at some point. I know I have. Keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Laura -
thoughtful
Very well written.......we'll the new year tells about the new start.So the end is having a lot of possibilities.Nice one....
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It's good.
This is a fine effort with great expression, and deserves the slight editing to finish it. For a better feel and flow, look to how lines 4 and 5 begin with the same word. It's a little awkward, and I'd change line 5's to 'Though', and perhaps line 4 to 'He acted like he loved me,". On line 8, 'Hurt on the inside' escapes the same doubling. Hmmn... On line 7, you might omit 'in the', and also line 15's 'made me go' could flow better as 'drove me' or 'made me'. These are points of style that will streamline the feeling of your art, increasing it's effect.
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Very well written. I have a suggestion, try not to make it seem kinda cliquish, and I must say some parts are kinda repetitive, but you've done great. Well done, welcome to AP, and best wishes in the contest! Blessed be,
~Pixie~ -
Thanks for entering
Nothing is worse at the time. You have worded this poem well to express this pain you have felt. The joy in this is "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary -
Beautifully written...
I felt your pain....and your resolve to move on... great write... -
Welcome to All Poetry!
You have really unleashed your heartbreak into this poem, its always good to be honest in your emotions.
A good write
Thank you for entering the contest
I wish you luck and welcome you to All Poetry!
abscessed
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i like this. very well writen...keep it up.
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The topic of heartbreak in poetry is not really my cup of tea, but I still enjoyed reading your poem.
"How could I have believe him?" should be "... believed ...".
Oh, and one more thing: The "but" in lines 4+5... I'd leave out one of them... probably the 2nd one.
Other than that, I found no mistakes and I think this was a good poem.
Welcome to AP, I wish you lots of luck in the contest! Enjoy your time here!
Annie 
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Thank you for your entry and welcome to Allpoetry!
Thank you for entering into our contest and welcome to allpoetry!
I think it is very brave of you to write about something that is very close to you.
I think that what you should do is let it write itself. It feels that you've tried to pick words that rhyme, but if you just let them come out in can sound better.
I wish you all the luck this year that you didn't have in your broken heart.
Faerie
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Exxxcellent
I like this a lot! I'm new and i'm only chckin stuff out, but i like this one. I'd give a 4-star.
Peach -
It is 'break' so you have it correct.
Although I don't read many rhyming poems, I felt that I could very much relate to this, as I too had a first heartbreak, similar to this one actually. It was a terrible experience, and I remember that pain and emotional turmoil..
Anywho, before I ramble, welcome to AllPoetry, if you ever have a poem you would like comments on, send me the link and I would be more than happy to stop by.
Welcome!
-shirley- -
It was interesting, and I liked the message, but I felt it was too choppy for my taste
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Thanks and Welcome to AP!
thank you for entering the contest and welcome to AP. thank you fro sharing something that must have been painfull, saddly some of our best writes come from the pain we feel. it is good to see that you express the want to move on and go foward with your life and not let it affect you to harshly. well done and good luck in the contest.
Krystal
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Thanks for your entry
I am glad he isn’t near you too if this is how he treated you, gee, some people just can’t be “normal”! I like the poem because it sounds as if you wrote it straight from your emotions. I am sorry you had a “first” love gone wrong. Good job on this piece Thank you very much for the entry, best wishes and welcome to AllpoetryDove
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WOOT!!
This is a very good write. I enjoyed it. Tortured? i have been down that road to many times from men...its almost like its nothing but a game to them or something...tortured is also a word we use for saying that we hate what they do to us and not how we feel about them...caring is pain and in this world you cant be afraid to lose...by the way i liked your komment i have to get on that spelling...i like your style keep up the good work.
peace and love
mj
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It's break
Brake refers to car brakes. This is very emotional, I can definitely see that the pain still lingers but is starting to fade. It sounds like you are looking for a fresh start with a new year. Every day is a mini new beginning. I think if we look at things that way we can heal much faster.
I like your flow and your willingess to share something so raw and personal. I would make the suggestion though to take out the But. It makes for a stronger impact example:
He said I was too ungly,
and then acted like he liked me
he lied.
See what I mean. Just a suggestion though
Good luck in the contest
God Bless
Tammy -
Welcome to AllPoetry
It is break. Break is like to break in two or to take a break. Brake is like a stop. Put on the brake. Or brake to slow down.
You have expessed a scenario that is experience by many. I like the way you ended it on an upnote of moving forward. One thing is for sure, there are always a few jerks amoung us, congratulations on getting past it and leaving him behind
Best of luck in the contest and again welcome to AllPoetry
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Haha, its "break." But yeah, this was a good poem. Definately something that would speak to a lot of people. Way to go.
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Thank you so much!! On your nice comment and for telling me its break. I always get confused!
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