You've done yourself wrong and you know it.
Girl, where has your red collar gone?
You turned it too soon, turned it too soon,
but your hands still smell like dirty dishwater.
At least your collar is white now.
Like saying, "At least you're still alive."
You've hurt yourself more than ever,
but I can see your knees still tremble.
Always been told to live fast and die young...
Is that the life you need?
To have no cares and be set free?
To have no one left to wipe those tears,
tears that are so blatant on your face, your mask,
that run to the very corners of the wood
and leave long grooves along the trail?
You've done yourself wrong and I know it.
Sweet little girl, where has your red collar gone?
So innocent before, now your collar is white,
and your hands still smell of dirty dishwater.
Author notes
A few hidden meanings, I'm sorry. But some will understand.
My newest piece
Comments
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nice
I like the fact that you did not follow any obvious rhyme patterns, but it still flows pretty good. i like the style of the poem. and also the sense of leaving yourself behind, and needing to get back. nicely done.
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I like it, I've read a couple other peices by you and I certainly like your style.
"You've done yourself wrong and you know it"
I like that, it's a powerful first line and it means a lot to me right now.
I also like this:
"You've hurt yourself more than ever,
but I can see your knees still tremble.
Always been told to live fast and die young..."
I always said I wanted to die young until I almost did LoL. I like the knees trembling part, I'm not sure why but it sticks out. Nice job
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So much, so little...
Again, I know too much. It feels as if you are consigning yourself to the "dirty dish water." What does that mean to you? And the collars, from white to red...from being just alive to what? Sometimes surviving is all that we can do, but there is so , so much more. Live fast die young...the perogative of the young, for the young. Maybe you have done yourself wrong, but you can also make whatver it is right. Such vivid imagery, tangy flavor in your words. Its deep, and just as deep as it needs to be for now. But don't restrain yourself if you feel this isnt deep enough.
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nice
well written, i think i may have caught a few on the hidden messages, it was well written i felt it had a deeper meaning to you then the reader if that makes any sense, over all i really liked it good write!
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