Help Me!!

As I sit there in the dark.
Waiting for an answer that just wouldn't come.
I think to myself of what has happened.
I take the dull pointed tool and dig into my wrist.
As I think of everything I am unhappy for.
There, it is done, I am bleeding.
Again, I think of the bad. And try to think of the good.
But nothing is there, so I grab the tool again.
I dig, until the blood runs down my arm.
After all is done, I go to bed.
No success. No death.

The next day.
I sit there, again, in the dark, all alone.
Think of the bad and fish for SOMETHING good. But nothing.
So I take the tool and dig into my flesh again.
Three days later, the cuts are trying to heal.
So I re-open them, every single cut.
I bleed so much, I search for a rag to wipe off the blood.
I find one, I clean up.
I forget about the cuts.

It was five days later, and I'm watching T.V.
My mother comes in, and grabs my hands and looks at my wrists.
She asks me why, and what would make me do such a "horrible" thing.
I tell her, I'm fat, I will never be happy, and I am invisible to you,
Invisible to everyone.

Now, almost four years later, I sit alone, in the dark.
Think about the good and the bad, but I suffer.
I do nothing to myself, nor my wrists.
I just cry, silently, all alone.

I think about what would have happened if I had succeeded.
Who would care, and who wouldn't?
But The important thing is I didn't.
So I am here, and alive.
That is all that matters now, I am still invisible,
But only to certain people.
I haven't tried to do anything, yes, I have thought about it.
But nothing.
All I do is write poetry, draw, and cry, silently.