A life of lies
Eats away soul
Stripping bare
Devoid of control.
Spiraling, swirling
Darkness consuming
Never ending,
Tormenting,
Shrivelling, dieing;
Scarcely breathing,
Mindlessly reeling,
Unbelieving
Shell of something
Long since gone.
A has been no one knows.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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All I was gonna say has already been said!The language, the structure and everything all shows the spiraling down into the darkness. Nice one x
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wow-the rhyme really guides your eye down the poem creating the impression of something spiralling down to a very strong ending where you've slowed up the pace very suddenly for the last line so the reader can grasp the full meaning.
The length of a poem shouldnt make it any better or worse if its written well. if you can say all you want in 20 lines theres no point dragging it out to fill 40 just for the sake of it. the language here is really concise- you havent wasted a word in creating impact on the reader.
fantastic powerful write- really brilliant.
E~
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Thanks Epona for the comments and encouragement it's much apriciated...though the rhyme was slightly unintentional, it was only after i wrote it that I realised
. Thank you again
~SL~ -
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thats ok- you deserve it- i only just noticed this is under'personal' - you are not a has-been in any way shape or form, so i hope you dont feel like that lol
E~
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Woah.....
Well considering this poem is short it is unbelieveably good! I love it!
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