It's not genius; just plain dumb

{Not}Genius

What's not pounding; is not beating,
Yet still living; I'm still breathing.
Internal conflict and turmoil reigns inside.
All clots of coagulated blood and no pride.

This is what happens when your heart becomes;
Totally and utterly,
Useless

Useless enough to make you feel vulnerable.

It's not genius; it's just plain dumb,
Starting to fade; but I'm not numb.
Clawing into my insides where it all broke,
All my stupid plans and dreams up in smoke.

And everything I had ever put any hope in becomes;
Just like me,
Stupid.


Stupid enough to make you never expect it.

I'm maxed out; I'm all used up again.
Broken down; and I can't keep it in.
I'm going to burst out into spontaneous tears.
I've been hiding all these stupid, broken fears.

Then everything goes black and my world becomes;
All faded and jaded,
Glorious.

Glorious enough to make you slit your own throat.

And these days; they slide by so fast.
Slipping silkily; fading into the past.
Prevailing sighs overlap mourning cries for reprieve.
No matter how hard I try I always find I underachieve.

I always feel like everything I ever do just becomes,
Unfailingly and undeniably,
Nonexistent.

Nonexistent enough to say that I never even lived.

You can't tell me; but you still kill me.
What's dead and gone; is now lonely.
It wants me to sacrifice the rest of my living body,
Just to give it some form of comfort and company.

The dead corpse of humanity is still found to become,
Unsatiably and greedily,
Introverted.

Introverted enough to prove that I'm getting nowhere.