Walls creep
darkness
confusion stirs
within
bleakness
tight chest
gasps
lost
cannot cope
hope gone
nowhere
turn
stop
fear surrounds
sweat drips
down
hollow pit
stomach
nauseous
swallow
gulp
NO AIR!
Author notes
Claustrophobic suffocation
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Powerful
Even though there is very few words in this poem, it is powerful. You give such a great insight into the mind that feels this. I do not suffer from claustrophobia but, I can empethize with the terror through this poem. It is expressive but, still leaves room for the reader to relate as though they were feeling it themselves.
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I know what this is like it's more in my mind though all these fealing in my thought's I suppose. I can't think straight sometimes and it I get sick from it and it feels like I'm being suffocated like I'm scattered minded with ADD just I'm not it's wierd lol.
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I understand
My daughter has ADD I can relate. I have a group on here for people with ADD, mostly its for children with special education needs but anyone with disabilites or special education needs and such is welcome to join. You can find a link to the group on my author page. Check it out sometime.
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I like this layout, simple text with power and punch in the images it evokes. A couple of mispellings-confusion and nauseous- but even with that bitty wobble it's a good solid composition. This brings a memory to me of waking from a nightmare in confused fear and unable to breathe. Well done.
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Effective!
An experience I hope to forego indefinitely, but you certainly did well in describing the feelings.
Not only the choice, but the placement and progression of your words contributed greatly to it's effectiveness. I feel for the person who experiences such restriction, particularily your ending where the person seeks that next breath and cannot draw it.
The closest thing I could recall is trying to slow my breathing when avoiding detection by those in persuit. When they are close you could swear they should hear your heart beating like a triphammer. Nice job. Jadon
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Such despair and fear is conveyed in this write. It's incredible how such few words can suck you in and make you feel like you can't breathe. Very nicely done! I enjoyed your style.
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it is so darn coo
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cool
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coo
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That does suck, not being able to breathe. no future in it I say
lol a nice piece written in a form that exudes that feeling. well done, well done
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This was well written
THis is Also How I felt yesterday and today. When we had to say good bye to me Becky and You said the word also of not being in a place you feel you cannot get out of but wlso a place where it is hard to catch your breath when crying so hard. Poeple coming up and making it start all over again. They finally take you away so you can calm down. This was good my child. This was so perfect and you spoke the truths.
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This was written in an interesting fashion. I like it, both the format and the subject. You wrote this well, and my favorite part was the very beginning with...
Walls creep
darkness
confussion stirs
within
However, it was truly captivating all the way until the end -
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Yep I would have to agree also, wriiten as if he were gasping!!
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calustrophobia is one of my biggest (fears I guess, but that sounds silly). I'm nervous in tight spaces, and you've pretty much described my thought process when stuff like that happens.
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very good description of how i think a sucide victum would feel at the point of their death. i liked the lines fear surrounds/sweat drips/down/hollow pit. i also like the ending. it's very blunt and abrupt but fits the poem perfectly. very nice work here
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You have described the despair that would be felt if claustrophobia was a problem, that tightness and fear of going into confined spaces, even love feels like this sometimes.
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