Silver tongued devil,
Creating worlds with pointed prose.
Words that turn dense,
Shift with intent,
And grow with his meaning.
Becoming somehow more.
Full of fleeting colors, to vivid to hold.
Do I dare step inside,
To feel his silken voice?
Warm and rich inside my mind,
Like some great cats fur?
A place so different.
Lush forests of imagery casting shadows,
The light of meaning slices through the canopy,
like spun gold.
Invisible wearing tawny stripes,
He's wild as the winds of change.
Only careful paw prints,
Lead his prey into his mind.
Willingly I follow.
Author notes
For a talented poet and friend.
A contest entry
- My Final Contest by real irish rose.
1050 points, ended January 5, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by Welcome-To-Hell.
700 points, ended February 16, 2007, 54 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Search for the best AP Poet by wolfcub.
600 points, ended March 1, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Pre-write Contest by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended July 9, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9 – Love the title, but “Tounged” should be spelled “Tongued”. I’d click on this. It’s alluring.
Poem Flow: 9.15 – Nice flow. Stanzas are a little long. I’d break them at “Do I dare step inside,” Leave the next break as is, then break again at “Only careful paw prints,” Some of the lines were a little long. Maybe carry them over?
Depth: 9.35 – Nice. Interesting choice of words. Very creative. Nice impact.
Emotional Impact: 8.75 – The tiger is one of my favorite animals, but I just didn’t feel this very deeply. I felt the imagery was lacking a bit.
Spelling and Grammar: 9.75 – Grammar was fine. Huge faux pas in your title, which you definitely need to fix.
Punctuation and Caps: 8.75 - I have a bias against capping each line of a poem. It’s not aesthetically pleasing to me. Caps should only follow periods and colons. Just my opinion.
Presentation: 9.15 – Again, long stanzas, but an overall beautiful presentation!
Personal Appeal: 9 – Gotta love big cats! Fantastic job!
My score: 72.90/80.00
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Left-align please. I have this uneasy relationship with centered pieces. lol. But thank you for entering. Lots of rich details to take in with this piece, which is nice, especially given it's not one of the longer pieces I've read today.
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A really nice poem, great story behind it! i especially like the last few lines:
He's wild as the winds of change.
Only careful paw prints,
Lead his prey into his mind.
Willingly I follow.
I hope your friend likes it.
Thankyou for entering, and good luck in my contest. -
Well the last few lines refer to after I steped into his mind..How I'm inhabiting his mind and seeing for the first time the world he lives in, also the very last lines refer to the way his poetry sometimes takes some help to understand..hes a master of subtlety, and often has hidden meanings laced throughout his work. ;p Maybe I'm taking after him, since I had to explain this?? lol, I can hope ;p
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Good write!
I really liked this, and the story, and the way you described this "devil." Very good job! I did notice a few typos, but nothing bad enough to throw the reader off so it is alright. Good luck in all these contests!
I liked this alot! You should at least get an Honorable Mention in my opinion!!!
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A tribute and if i read paw prints left behind to follow am thinking the mind captures what the words leave. You have crafted a great poem so full of imagery and emotional entices the painted picture your lines are making. Then you change your tact and in my mind the winds of change make me smile ...but i could be way off the mark here too and it dont bother me i see this post the way i find it affecting me
I have enoyed this poem and I thank you for the post ...good luck in the contest.
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So... perhaps its just me, but, you lost me in the last couple lines.
I enjoyed the first 11 lines in the great image that they portrayed... after that, despite knowing what you were talking about, it just didn't connect for me.
Breakdown:
Image: 7.8/10
Emotion: 7/10
Rhyme and flow: 6.5/10
Cohesion: 5/10
Message: 5.6/10
TAC: 0
Overall: 6.4/10 -
That was beautifully penned I could see why you would follow a little more with every word very good write est of luck in the contest
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A very beautiful dedication to a poet you have the greatest respect and admiration for.
I have had the privledge to know poets like this poet you have described here and the knowledge and kindness they have returned me is incredible for we are all mostly strangers bonded together by a passion for writing.
Thankyou so much for entering my final contest and goodluck x
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