If elephants were carnivores
And lions were vegetarians,
There'd be a change in documentaries
And a new cause for humanitarians.
"Down with the pachyderms!" they would cry
And then they'd be chomped on
Before they could even answer "Why".
The elephants would make short work of 'em.
Lions would be useless as exterminators.
Instead, they'd be housepets exotic
And when they heard the elephant's trumpet,
They'd turn somewhat neurotic.
Of course, if elephants were carnivores,
When you went to Africa,
You'd have to lock your car doors.
For all the good that would do ya.
If elephants were carnivores,
They'd overrun the earth.
To some sadomasochists,
That would bring tearful mirth.
I say that it's a good thing
That elephants eat leaves and grass
'Cause there's just no charming ring to
"Death by Pachyderm Mastocating".
Author notes
Okay, maybe I'm the only one who finds this funny. But just think about how bad it'd be if elephants really were carnivores.
A contest entry
- If by Melodies.
450 points, ended January 2, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I think it is VERY funny!
A funny and smart poem, too!
Took a lot of logical thinking to write all these ideas in such an entertaining way. 
Elephants as carnivores is a really funny idea. 
Just think of the damage they could do! 
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