I walked alone into a pub on an evening cool and fair
where I met a Derry angel with time in life to share;
She’d just returned to native port to escape a storm at sea
and when she heard my voice she turned her eyes to me.
Evening passed us by, we laughed without a care;
we sang beneath a starlit sky as she led me to her lair;
We crept in quietly, escaped from the wild world;
there my Derry angel became my bedroom girl.
Inside her special room secrets she did share;
she let me kiss her ruby lips and touch her soft blonde hair;
I will long remember the precious time I spent
with my darling Derry angel whom God in heaven sent.
Now all has changed utterly, I suffocate in fear;
I search in vain for signs of her but she’s no longer here.
I stand frightened and alone within her vacant room;
overcome by desperation, enveloped in the doom.
I recall that day she went away, it is etched in memory;
I felt her spirit hasten by on its way down to the sea.
I gave chase up to the harbour but she left me at the pier,
as she whispered parting words that made me sad to hear:
"Goodbye, dear man, I must set sail, please don't cry o'er me;
we shared our time in life, now your heart is free.
You must go and be complete and learn to love anew;
you will find another who will share her love with you."
I pray this is a nightmare from which I will soon wake,
but reality has hold of me and my heart is about to break.
I sadly watch her spirit fade into another world,
as I stand and cry and say “goodbye” to my bedroom girl.
Author notes
For Amanda
A contest entry
- Broken Heart by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 31, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please feel free to comment..and to read my other work
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is a very intense and emotional piece for you to write and that is very clear to thee reader. Thanks for sharing
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The sweet pain of love is offered up for all to bear witness in this wonderful poem. I am so glad to have found your work.
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It's so beautiful and sorrowful. I've had the words "you'll find someone new" given to me before. I enjoy the gentle tone to this peice.
I kind of feel that calling it "Bedroom Girl" and using those words takes away from the poem. Maybe a different term or way of phrasing.
As I say to everyone: You don't have to take my advice, you don't even have to like it. It's just my suggestions as a reader to you as a writer.
Thankyou for honoring me (and everyone else) with the readability of your work.
. Rewarded 8
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Good One, Dude
I'm sure Amanda can appreciate it -- if she re-materializes.
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"I recall that day she went away, it is etched in memory;
I felt her spirit hasten by on its way down to the sea.
I gave chase up to the harbour but she left me at the pier,
as she whispered parting words that made me sad to hear"
Sighhh...Hauntingly lovely, Mat...You're quite the storyteller, Poet...Well done, my Friend...& I'm sorry for the reasons behind this writing...Ahhh, the end of Love is such a sorrowful port to be left standin' on alone...I know the directions to it rather well myself...
Wanda
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This is so sweet and sad, reminds me of when I have to leave a dear friend behind on Irish shores *sigh, I didn't want to go and the heartbreak you feel when the shore is still calling you home. Beautiful Mat, just simple and beautiful.
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Oh my,I clicked return favour and the system bought me to this write and what a write,at first the reader smiled at the sweetness of the accolade that was light with the happiness of heart and then smile turned to frown at the unexpected goodbye,clear imagery and strong emotion reveal the sincerity that sighs across the page and whilst every ending is another beginning it reminds the heart that that which we wish had not ended but remained is the hardest beginning of all and makes us as naked as a newborn emotionally.Perhaps in the fullness of time this joyous relationship will warm the heart with the sweetest of memories as opposed to being so poignant,to leave another with a warm memory is a gift that cannot be bought at any store,tis priceless,many blessings
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I can feel your emotions coming through in this poem and it made me almost cry >.< I've been there before only kinda the other way around with the guy leaving... alas... and woe is... well... everyone it's happened to?
Love the poem though... great rhyme scheme. Especially loved these lines:I recall that day she went away, it is etched in memory;
I felt her spirit hasten by on its way down to the sea. Tells me just how much you loved her that you could feel her spirit and know... thanks for sharing.
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omg!! Absolutely beautiful!!! I felt the love and also the sadness within the wirds you wrote. Thank you for this awesome write.
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This is such a lovely emotional love story...I love the title...life can be just like this at times...be gratful for the memories..they will lead you on to your next venture...just lovely, thanks for sharing
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This is just so romantic Mat, i can't believe that no one has applauded it!
I read it with an irish skip and it Danced on my lips, she must have been so special to you to get a great tribute such as this.
The fifth verse was so vivid and sad. nice write ma chara , keep the pen poised and let the ink flow like the Lifey on a calm day
Slán Dolores.
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I love the way you told the story, it really holds the readers attention. The imagery is beautifully perfect...amazing, and the emotion is strong...I could really understand what the person was feeling.
There are metaphors here that I believe could be interpreted differently by different people, or you can really take the story quite literally...I don't know what I'm trying to say...it's beautiful and you are an amazing writer...that's that.
Thank you for sharing!
~Michele -
Good story...
...but I'm wondering if you could tweak the meter in a few places though.
Example:
"Goodbye, dear man, I must set sail, please don't cry o'er me;
we shared our time in life, now your heart is free.
could become:
"Goodbye, dear man, I must set sail, please don't cry over me;
we shared our time in life and now your heart is truly free."
showing emphasized syllables:
"Good-BYE, dear MAN, i MUST set SAIL, please DON'T cry OVE-er ME;
we SHARED our TIME in LIFE and NOW your HEART is TRU-ly FREE."
There are seven metrical feet in each revised line. It's a lot of work to overhaul (or create) a poem in such a manner, but the results are worth it.
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So very beautifully written and yet, so very sad
This touches the heart of hearts, my friend!
Another fine sharing!
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