I met a man upon life's road,
he wore a charming smile.
With a rich timbre in his voice,
he asked to walk with me awhile.
I had no objection to company,
so on our travels we went.
Talking of life and living,
it seemed time well spent.
He asked me about my goals,
what I wanted most of life.
I responded quickly to this,
"to be happy and have no strife."
But he said "what of self and riches,
do you not want to have more?"
Why should you have so little,
while others have much in store?"
"Don't you wish to be beautiful and famous,
to be a gorgeous glittering star?"
Shining above all the others,
showing the true value of who you are?"
"To have all the finest material things,
to be able to pick and choose.
To know you'll always be a winner
and never, ever, have to lose."
He seemed to have strange views of life,
I asked him why he thought this way?
He said he had enjoyed happiness once,
but was cast out one terrible day!
It was on that day he decided,
that good gave him no gain.
It was with great trepidation,
that I quietly asked his name.
He looked straight into my eyes,
it was then I saw the greed.
With the curve of his sardonic lips,
I saw evil, unleashed and freed.
He spoke then in a deep voice,
"I am Lucifer, the Devil to you.
You have always known who I was,
you've even called me a time or two."
I looked at him and softly spoke,
"that, I do vehemently deny.
Why are you really here Devil,
to foist upon me your evil lie?
"Don't deny it" he spat out,
"you have always wanted more.
More than this pitiful existence,
that you have come to abhor."
"I think you see your own life,
for it's you who is filled with greed.
You devil, are the only one,
who thinks solely of his need."
"I have no such thoughts,
I care not for your fiery flame.
For to walk openly into your light,
will guarantee my future shame."
"Shame", he spat out, "ha, what a joke,
there is no shame in getting ahead,"
He dusted off his Prada suit,
looked me straight in the eye and said.
"You will come to regret the words,
that you have spoken to me.
For when you are dead and gone,
your bad choice you'll come to see."
"For your God is unforgiving,
he will not serve you very well.
You can't live up to his expectations,
as time will too soon tell."
"And when you come to realize,
that him you can not please.
You will come begging to me,
on sorrowful bended knees."
"I think not Devil, for I know who I am,
I will not take your path to succeed.
Will not give away my inner soul,
to partake of your evil deed."
"You can feel sorry for yourself,
for God casting you aside.
But if the truth be told,
his rules you did not abide."
"And rules there were not many,
just to be good, strong and true.
These where not very hard things,
for anyone to try and do."
"And even if you did not reach the goal,
God would have understood.
He does not ask for perfection,
Only that we try as hard as we should."
"So you failed his expectations,
and now you spread your evil lies.
Trying to darken our emotions,
with promises of golden skies."
"But Devil you do not hold the key,
Heaven's gates you now stalk.
As you try and taint God's land,
when evil aims to walk..."
Author notes
In a list
A contest entry
- Celebrating 150 by intanglio2ring.
750 points, ended May 23, 2007, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options - I want your absolute BEST - Big Points by Moonlight Complex.
2350 points, ended October 30, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Faust Legend/Devil by Joshua DePesa.
750 points, ended December 6, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
-
Amazing write(: I read it out loud to grab some emotion, and enjoyed it more than I expected(:
-
certainly flowing poem...reminds me of a poem I wrote called I walk a crooked path...except my encounter was with a strange who never said his name...but had a glow upon his head...with that in mind...this poem takes you on the path of something relative...and thus brings a wisdom tic feel to it...enjoyed this much
-
It really runs down like a song thanks to the fantastic flow. I have enjoyed it very much. I like the devilish humor you put in this battle between good and bad. It was easy to see why this did won gold. The poem shines of itself. Fantastic written piece. I wont ask you how you did it...you might answer: The devil made me do it
Good luck in the contest
Herman
-
Good V. Evil, always a good start to any poem, and this was no exception. An enjoyable read.
All the best in the contest...Sue
-
Wonderful rhyme and rhythm in this classic tale of good and evil. Well done. Truly enjoyable. ~Pamela
-
This is excellent!
Flawless rhyme and flow...
Best wishes!
Lynda
-
A fine dialogue
even if diabolical!
Your point is well made. The length does not bother me.
Best wishes. Lyndon.
-
A little long...but devilishly good! Well done...great rhyming. Good luck in the contest. ~ Sue
-
Love, love the message behind this piece Best wishes in the contest
Ruth
-
Oooo yes, I remember this one! Exceptional now, just like before. Brava!
e~ -
I remember this poem well...
... I was impressed with this poem when I read it over a year ago and it has remained in my memory. I like it a lot. And the devil has still not won...
-
a wonderful conversation between the archetypes of "good" and "evil" that dwell within the human mind and which would make a fantastic stage play ...
all the best,
maa -
What The Devil Can't Have
a fantastic write of a conversation with the Devil himself. Peace in light and love. Best wishes in life and the contest. Be well.
-
What a story
How very well written. I must have missed this when you first wrote it. My best to you in the contest.
Jim -
Welcome back good luck in the contest
-
Wonderful write. I know that we all get lost a time or two and probably call on him more then we know...but in the end our true self we find. He nothing bu lies. Nicely done and deeply thought provoking.
Congratulations on the Silver.
Love
-
Beautiful rhyming and set up. It was a wonderful write and I enjoyed reading it greatly.
Good Luck. -
Good ol'Lucifer
Didn't think I'd like this one - thought the title a bit comercial - but after reading this masterpiece - I was wrong for my first thought!
Loved it!
What a walk - and the title tops it off perfectly!
Thanks for an excellent entry & Good Luck in my contest!
Tang
-
I always like the "encounter with the devil" type story, you handle it quite well, particularly with the initial good looks and charmingness. The rhyme scheme is simplistic, but that's not really anything that draws away from the tale itself. I've always found dialogue hard to do in poems such as this, since it's sometimes hard to tell who's talking, that's something you handle well once again. For criticism... try reaaaally hard not to rhyme life with strife... I see that one constantly... it's one of those really tempting rhymes that just never quite works.
I like the ending too. -
All I can say is wow to this write! I think it's amazing!! You have captured what the Devil is said to be, and most likely to be, all about. The Greed and the anger and the twisted viewpoints on life. I think - maybe I'm wrong - but I got the impression you were trying to illustrate the fact that the Devil could be anyone, and could be watching your bads deeds as well as God so be careful what you do. As in, he wears Prada, as in something that humans wear.
x Empathic x -
Wow, what a well written story in poetry. It is better to live our best glowing in God's good graces than to brilliantly flash with the devil. Good luck in the contest.
Jim
-
This was long... really long! But great none the less! I liked it a lot! Wish you luck in the contest! Rock ON! xoxo Meg
-
terrific rhyme and rhythm
You have done this excellently. This story is good and you have told it well. I think you have spent a lot of time working in this poem with its great rhyme and musical rhythm. Well done. -
I have got to applaud oyu on this it kinda reminded me of the devil went down to georgia, lol a very cute poem and very well written I love the story you told nad the flow was absolutly perfect! really really great job!
~lamia
-
Excellent!
I need you to know that you kept my attention from beginning to end. This is extremely well written. It so reminds me of the Langston Hughes play; "Tambourines To Glory". Where "Big-Eyed Buddy Lomax" was a charmer but the devil in disguise. Langston himself would have loved your story, I am sure. I found it fascinating and true to the cunning of the evil one. Excellent! I wish you the best in this challenge.
Much Love ♥
Renee
-
Interesting voice, dialogging and concept! Another great write!
-
Oh goody an epic with cupcrazy icing so I say...
Darling
I giggle with glee
at your sweet plight
for Satan and me
share the same fight.
Yet, I stay calm
knowing Lucifer's in pain
that is a balm
though Satan is insane.
In the elemental world
God's balance he adjusts
good and evil swirls
between piety and lust.
Smooshies and you know you rocked me...
Janet
-
I've read this before, I don't remember where from though.
It was like a week ago I think. I'm surprised I didn't comment though, I remember doing so, this is really awesome.- Even better the second time! Your rhyming was really brilliant here.
I liked too many parts to point them out!
Thanks for entering,
Good luck!
-
I was thoroughly entertained all the way through this piece. Usually I like the shorter works, but this one held my attention the entire way! Great use of rhyme and a terrific story. Thanks for sharing.
~Elora~
-
Very mysterious
I was thinking of Charlie Daniels song also. It was lengthy, but very well written and worth the read. Enjoyed it. -
Bunny, this is amazing! Your metre and rhythm were flawless, as always. The subject is striking and powerful. This is just fantastic! I love it! Best of luck to you in the contest, though I doubt you'll need it!
~Lori
-
Excellent Job!
I love tha back and forth conversation between the sinner and the evil one. Your word choice creates fantastic imagery as well. However, the idea of sin being caused by a convenient devil is not what I believe. Sin does not exist except in the heart of man. No devil influences us. We are the creaters and carriers of sin. Flip Wilso actually was right when had that routine where he would say, "The Devil made me do it!" Because, that is how silly we are. The devil doesn't make us do anything dear. ~PeacE~GarY~
-
I think the flow and rhyme are both immaculate and wouldn't change a thing--in fact I think the whole piece of work is absolutely fabulous. You did a tremendous job here. Bravo!. Good luck in the contest with this stunning work.
Shaz xx
-
outstanding
Bunny this is fantastic, the imagery is super and the story is so easy relatable as we are all tempted and have the choice and the power to put satan in his place if we have God as our shield. You make it so easily attainable. Your imagery was so clear as I could see you as you walked along and read the anger of Satan as he was turned away. Loved it. Satan you cannot take Heaven..
-
Wow
This was excellent. I could hear the words as I read. Your title grabbed me and the verse kept me. Wonderful use of the last line and an excellent entry for this contest. Best of luck. A pleasure to have read this piece. ~Pam
-
Well written,you kept the flow running smoothly despite the length of this piece.Loved the imagery of the Beelzebub in a Prada suit!Liked how you revealed within this that by giving in to the temptation of greed we give part of ourselves away and that is simply too high a price to pay,those that haven't blackened their souls know the difference between being enriched and being rich.
Good luck in this contest,love and light,Yvette
-
Excellent work Cupcrazy Yes I know who you are even though you failed to place your name in the authors box as asked I love the tale you have woven round this given line. Funny but I had the feeling of a country number The Devil went down to Georgia. A wonderful poem Good luck in the contest
-
powerful
What a great job as stated before very theatrical I also could see this piece being performed. A strong message about staying true to who you are and not selling out fro the quick selfish gains in life. Awesome job as always and this truely touched me on a spiritual level. Thanks so much for sharing this Bun great job.
-
Excellent
So true so true, Satan is alive and well on the late great plant earth, God is loving and very forgiving, Sobody sould tell satan himself. He can still be forgive, THis was wonderful, WRite on Master Poet
-
-
Thank You
Thanks so much sweetie for your wonderful comments on this piece, I am so very glad you enjoyed it! Bunny
-
-
This was a very nice write. I enjoyed the way you wove a story with the devil and choices. Everyone makes a choice, everytime they open their mouth, this points clearly to the right path. Nicely done.
-
This is great buns and I took myself on this little journey knowing full well the words you spoke at the end would send this devil off in fiery flames, down, down, down. Great fun but a worthy message. Blessed be.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks hun, yeah I am not ready for the devil to win just yet, rather lead him on a merry chase or two. So glad you enjoyed this one! Bunny
-
-
you are very fluid with these longer type poems -- I can hear this one being spoken on stage. It has a solid theatricality to it. All the best in the comp!
-
intresting
you described to pope very well. you never know who you will meet going down life's pathway but one thing for shure you should listen to every word for life is always a lesson have a great new year
love the papa
Adding your comment:
1 - 45 of 45
