Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

I Dream

I dream
of forever
Stars in my dancing eyes
of passions sweltering fires
roaring

I dream
of being sheltered in your arms
of home and family
but I am left
alone


Patricia Gibson-Little

Author notes

I wrote this after someone suggested that I try the style (cinquain 2,4,6,8,2 syllables) and then reverse it, so it sort of drops off.  I believe it was Hide that suggested it.  I always like to give credit when someone or something inspires me.
Written May 25th, 2003

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • Seether
    June 2, 2003
    Edit | Reply


    welcome...works well with the changes too..


  • AndrewHide silver member
    May 28, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Patricia, this is brilliant,
    your choice of words fit so well to give the structure a new and very strong diamention.

    This is true art,

    Andrew


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    May 28, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Seether,

    Thank you so much for pointing out my mistake. I can't believe that I missed that. LOL For some reason I was counting that as a 4 syll. line. I'll have to fix it.

  • Seether
    May 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    This is a lovely write AngelSeeker, it is always good to try something new with styles and flow.
    ( Sir Hide is always inspiring!! )

    I love the "dreamy" feeling of this ending with the 'alone'..
    that stark note makes it's impact quiet well.
    Thank you very much for your words.

    your syllable count is a little out on the top half third line.. you might want to play with that again?

    ok time to be a pain, part of the contest requirements is to read and leave a comment in Old Poetry on one of the two poems mentioned on the contest page to be eligible!! hint hint!