I wait in the mind of yesterday’s skin,
to dive into a wine of moment
backlash guitar strings
frozen plead- in minor A.
being still, the pain is a
torch in the wind,
waiting for morning’s lifted fog.
Like a current of inner tides,
they crawl and shift my veins,
muscles beg for tranquil eaves
as suddenly I see body’s death-
the worth and its reason.
and dare say
“Pain, be gone,
I’ll have no more of thee!”
Author notes
Written May 25th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
Successful poem.
'I Whisper An Affliction' by CookieZeal good impression with words composing beautiful poem and the hidden life in the poem included.
eal -
Ok. This is most awesome as I was thinking about your random eye to what would appeal, and this was one of them. Yes. I mean it.
It's much like your take...with layers that cry out for something else needed.
Although this particular one was exasperating the very thought of physical pain, it was the form and style that mostly made me think it'd be much like yours. No kidding..
Well. That's what the mind is all about...........its transient and transformations.
Thank you for reading this. It helps. CookieZeal/ -
Pain in whatever manifestation it may present itself in , Never is an easy thing to deal with and in many cases all we have to get us through is our own poetry. It is something of a blessing- writing poems, Because if there was no such thing as poetry I think everyone, Even those who don't write it themselves might lose their minds, Because without our ability to communicate abstractly and through multiple forms of logic and expression we only wither and fall to pieces.
Human beings are meant to feel, that is the nature of our being, we are meant to be able to look at the world in a thousand different ways, reflecting each color like light through a prism, never the same, each image and idea different, every texture exposed and illuminated without any prescribed intention. Not all writers write for an audience. In my opinion, writing is first and foremost personal and is only displayed publicly and there are some poems written with a public purpose yes and I find those respectful, I just mean that I feel the only person who can truly understand the original message is the poet themselves. Once you send your work out into the world it becomes a shattered piece of what was once a whole because not every single person will see it the same and it will never be looked at by two different people who have the same interpretation, maybe similar, but not identical.
And that is why I like poetry so much and why I like writing it. Because I know my work can be taken in so many different directions outside of my original message, which I think is a benefit, because not everyone is going to like reading a poem that leaves everything in the open and doesn't leave an ounce to the imagination. Readers want something to think about, to get tossed into and be made dizzy by because that is what life is really like and when you are able to do this in your writing you have achieved the title of a "good poet" in my book.
If you leave your readers saying "I know that feeling" and "I find something here that makes me want to read this again" you have become a good writer.
So here is my opinion of this poem. I think it is honest and leaves just the right amount of mystery to make it interesting and readable more than once. Your ideas are solid, images sound, and the flow is just impeccable. Lovely poem here, that gives me personal connection and can be compared to my own life.
Brilliant.
Much love ,
james
Edited on Dec 22, 4:46 p.m. because ''. -
This was really, really amazing. I am so speachless I don't know what to write as a comment. Your words entranced me, and I have to admit this is probably one of the best poems I have read on All Poetry so far. Good work....Wow..=) I will continue to read your work.
Tiffany -
A very realistic view of suffering (according
unfortunately cookie...I dont know what angst really is, I admit it. All I know is that this poem makes me understand what I think in pain, how I feel, very good with the manuever of language there. -
Reason pleads, that life succeedes,
Yet the empty heart complains.
Its cares near choke, the living seeds,
Til hope no more remains.
Yet love hopes, where reason despairs,
And a blind man sometimes see's
That our loving father, hears our prayers,
Spoken on our bended knee's.
/ All is well cookie. very nice,(as usual)
-
Very nice job!
I really like the way your words flow together so rhythmically. My favorite lines are:
"being still, the pain is a
torch in the wind,
waiting for morning’s lifted fog."
Nice job, and thanks for your comments on my poems!
-
Oh, yes, eye! Thank you for seeing that. I took care of it. Merci, mademoiselle!
-
marvelous
Wonderful poem!! The ending especially is strong and powerful... and the metaphoric imagery was beautiful. I was confused, however, with this line: "it’s worth and its reason." With your "its" Do you mean "It is worth, and its (possessive) reason?" Or something else? Just curious! Thank you very much for your kind notes and awesome advice! -
this is so inspirational, i havent read your work in awhile and regret it now that ive read such a smooth and tight write by you after some time! so well put together, you have a writers heart, take care
-
Very impressive, I like how you decribe all this, and how you have no need of pain. Nice to read, hope you get well though, Take care, hugs, Rena~
-
Oh dearest Diane - this dilapidated catherdral called body!
We are all burdened with pain at times - may you find relief.
I usually call my own body "the fallible system" LOL
A strong poem, in your own, unique Diane-style, which I thoroughly enjoy!
Thank you, my friend!
Warmest Regards,
Myra -
this is a great piece that you have written here. am boy do I know what it like to have pain that you can't get rid of. I just think that you really did the poem great. thank you very much for sharein it with all of us
-
excellent
ah cookie, you did it again. i share with you the experience of chronic pain's unexpected "torch in the wind." "i whisper an affliction" is an absolutely perfect title. i love the line, "I wait in the mind of yesterday's skin" - beautiful. i don't know what form your pain takes, but i know the experience and i wish that it "be gone" from you. peace. -
OK cookie, I am looking for Dr Seuss and stumbled on Freud LOL, anywhos, was hoping to emmm find something a bit more at humble joe level LOL well I am not sure but it seems you are focusing in on the principle that the things in this life matter not and that ultimate hope lay in our passing to our eternal place of peace and joy, and well that certainly is a great hope in my opinion, but I don't think you are advocating to stop trying to make this horrid place as best as we can all make it, but then that would be a guess, me hopes you aren't feeling down
if you are let me reach down and pull ya from the warm frigid waters, and rest as I kgive you a nice warm blanket and towel:) God bless, and he is looking down on you I am certain also:) and if I got it all wrong, well just stop by and say hey you dumb bum you need to open your eyes LOL, anywhos, dep and pretty dark it seemed to me, but then that could also be me own present state of mind, ...... bla bla bla LOL anywhos, just really wanted to stop by and wave to you and say a big smiley helloos to you :),
Kindest regards and may God continue to abound in you:)
Most sincerely,
joe -
I really love the first lines. Such an eloquent way of saying OUCH, and out out damned aches!! I hear this tune and add my melody and refrain, the well from which I draw this pain, the melancholia a heavy train.
-
First off, sorry about your suffering CookieZ
.
Love how you end this piece though, on an admirable note of strength. I can relate with your first line as well. Interesting isn't it, that even though we age, our spirit of youth remains constant. Hence, the old saying it takes age to understand age.
"muscles beg for tranquil eaves
as suddenly I see body’s death-
it’s worth and its reason."
Powerful statement above. Well written, vivid, and always an inspiration
God love you,
~Mary O
-
The descriptions here (to me) remind me both of physical pain and emotional pain. Physical pain being when I gave birth to my daughter, emotional pain being when I lost my first child, my best friend, my grandparents and my soul mate. Physically giving birth is the most painful thing I've went through so that is why I said that. Excellent descriptions and strong voice. Intense read
-
great symbolism in the guitar strings streched out of tune
like the joints and aches the body endures on the endless
road of growing old muscles we no longer use...
to me Sis
Tamara -
Good job here, Cookie. It's got that angsty thing going, but you counterbalance it nicely at the end.
-
I am not sure if I got what you were trying to say.......I am going to re-read it again and edit my comment then.........i mean i realize it was about pain but.....????????thanks......
lisa anne -
Cookie, this was very touching indeed, and full of frustration and pain. I love your description of it, 'the pain is a torch in the wind', and anyone who has suffered chronic pain for a long period of time can certainly relate to what you have written here. I had my own experience with that, and I know the effect it eventually has on the mind. I hope you can find some relief for your pain. Beautiful piece, exquisitely done. Thanks for sharing it.
-
Amazing write you created through your pain..............
So sorry you are having to endure this May the healing angels doctor you in their own special way:)
Take care,
Karen
-
Well Cookie my brain missed it again but ill pray for you sorry you was in pain.......I will keep praying for you ok...love u
-
Well... This poem is very ..im not sure what to say. It has complete imagery...you painted a picture in my mind. The first line really drew me in. Nice intro. Nice piece. Right on and write on. God save you.
-me -
Actually, this one can be understood if you look 'dead' at it. It's about the times that I am in physical pain. Like last night. It was awful.
-
Wow... wonderful imagery, i loved the first line...
I wait in the mind of yesterday’s skin
You have captured this very well... i can imagine you wakening and lying there.. waiting for the pain to begin..
Powerful write... enjoyed it very much
Blessings and Smiles
~ladyStarlight~ -
I got this I think? Was this about your musical talents trying to go forth as a singer? Then like the pain of trying to become good the efforts struggle then the heartache or frustration somehow of not being at the top or rejection the pain oneday you decide wasnt worth going through anymore? Your already good, Cookies ive heard you but sometimes the temptation still remains there or need to be the one to preform or least feel accepted and good to others...For somehow that proves to us we are? Not sure I said all this right- May come back laters and re-edit what Im saying hope I did okay.
I love you Cookie always, Sherry
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
2 old applause
