a hurting heart
a whispered spell
the story's out
it's yours to tell
i watched you fall
you saw me cry
i'll see you laugh
you'll watch me die
please show me how
to start anew
i'm falling down
i'll lean on you
i cannot see
i must be blind
but love, you've got
my heart to find
so do not fear
i'll bring you love
your gaurdian angel
a gift from above.
Author notes
Too long?
A contest entry
- Many Options... Prewrites allowed by gothprincess7.
500 points, ended August 27, 82 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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300 points, ended February 19, 2007, 51 entries
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300 points, ended February 25, 2007, 105 entries
Honorable mention
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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So beautiful, simple and loving... I am sure your love appreciates you being sent to look after him/her... I am sure also that you are glad that you have him/her to rely on. Angels guide, but the people they guide embrace the way. Beautifully written anyhow.
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I apologize for the brain fart and appreciate the much deserved kick in the head.
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I've often found that writing lines with few syllables and still trying to make them meaninful, descriptive, and to match their fellows can be much more difficult than doing the same with much longer lines. Inconsistencies also tend to stand out more with shorter lines I believe. In that vein, you've tried something a bit ambitious and done a very good job with it. The flow is great with every line having exactly 4 syllables. I also couldn't find anyplace where inflection felt awkward.
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awww this is really good
kinda sappy if you think about it but i liek it alot it was really easy to read i liked the flow of it it made it better good write!
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Not too long at all. I liked the flow to this. It's short and sweet. It's too the point and flows very well. Keep up the good work. Best of luck.
Love always,
Kristen ♥ -
punctuation?
i can't tell how its supposed to flow, it seems choppy, and i'm not entirely sure of the subject matter. You could make it a lot longer to explain it, like make the lines longer/detailed.
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That was an amazing phyme scheme and the perfect length great write loved it
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It's definitely not too long. I loved the rhyme. None were forced. Thanks so much for entering. Good luck.
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and this i LOVED, as you should well know
it was great...i'm a sucka for a rhyme...but yours are always so good, too (certainly not too long)
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