Gotta hate a bitch with a short
man complex
Elecktrafried
on Psilocybin.
Bossy
jumped over the moon so she had to
get a new
connect.
human testicular flesh
does not impress every non virgin
in the mile high city
belongs to the club,
without ever having claustrophobic coitus
or faces pressed against no smoking threats
besides they're not official
Rocky Mountain Oysters
if they come from Texas.
Her fantasies cross borders
where it's all about
being the donkey
little girl Miss America dreams usually
contain no strap ons
except for confused Dick Clark wannabes
with equipment issues
hanes tube socks
play boulder masquerades
and she's found cow patties are no
bullshit, bovine fecal fungus Grade A
comes from the same place
as Denver shellfish
that's why the jones for the bone consumes
while she's away
on a power trip
West coast wicked bitch
forever dissolving into
puddles on the ground when it rains
Two bronze spheres on her desk
are not meditation aids,
but badge for a vertically challenged
cowardly lioness, who spent
her life conspiring
with evil trees and monkey things
fruitlessly chasing the chick
with the triple click transport
and red house-shoes.
Author notes
~TO HEAR THIS POEM PERFORMED ALOUD CLICK THE LINK BELOW~
http://media.putfile.com/Ruby-Mules
In a list
A contest entry
- In Search of.... by Nicole Hanna.
1000 points, ended January 13, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - methadone & thistle ( to burn a poem ) by jaunty pill.
1800 points, ended May 9, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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This has blown me away. I love reading you... the results will be revealed very soon
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Rocky Mountain Oysters come from Texas? Humm… This is really a wonderful piece. It’s packed with metaphors that tickle the mind. Truly a piece of art and it’s a pleasure reading it; again and again and again. Go girl power!
Love, Amera
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Woooowwww..............
And i just made it here by clicking those beautiful red shoes
I love this poem, i love the way you set this up and your choosing of words
But now i go back to your beautiful homepage on AP
XXJeannette
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Can't hear the audio in these but love the poems anyway! Great verbage used in this poem - loved the colors as well. Congrats on the trophy too - well deserved.
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There is genius in this anti-nonsence.
While I cannot claim a grasp of EVERY rich metaphor; each nuance, I AM struck numb by the whole/hole of it.
Perhaps an imbibing of the fungi would have cleared the paisley gause a bit.The diverse references are a rich verbal feast that demand reading again and again.
Congrats on the well-deserved award. I'm not often awestruck by poets here but this, and Darcy's, leave me gasping like a boat-landing carp. AMAZING!
This piece needed a STRONG ending. The last two stanzas supply just that. Wow!
Peace
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Congratulations, I can see why this placed, this is excellent. Smart, raw, and visually stunning. I tip my pen to this! Brilliant!
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ROFLMAO
Oh my goddess, you had my wracked in tears on this one!! Thank you so very much. Enjoyed the hell out of it on any number of levels !! Good Luck in this and all your contests !! -
I am so sorry DK but this poem is far beyond me, I think it is the differences in our languages, although we both speak English,I do not understand a lot of your phrasing.Happy New Year to you and yours. Val.
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Certainly have connected a long, long string of popular culture minor and mostly semi-obscene icons within a very short poem to be sure...
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I did a thorough analysis of this piece for the litournament competition if you'd be interested in seeing my intent:
http://allpoetry.com/column/2333569
thanks for reading it!
DK
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I'm Back...
Inadvertently clicked on one I had commented on before... Glad I did! This is a gem and deserves a second reading.
Two bronze spheres on her desk
are not meditation aids,
but badge for a vertically challenged
cowardly lioness, who spent
her life conspiring
with evil trees and monkey things
Yow! The claws are OUT! I like it. Ding, dong, Dorothy has the witch in her sights! Whatever shorty has done to piss you off, I can only assure you that karma has a way of dealing with such folks. Great write, as always. -
reminds me of beau sia.. i adore slam poetry.it does not conform, i have written a bit of it but i have written alot of dark pieces lately. keep up the good work. i'll be back to read more if you keep comin up with pieces like this..love it!
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Wow, this is great. You say so much. I get the feeling of extreme distaste from this.
I really liked:
"or faces pressed against no smoking threats."
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FAN-TA-BU-LOUS
One of the most intriguing and challanging poems around here!!! Well done! I don't know what it is but it has that incisive rhythm within the lines! You used some pretty unusual word-combinations for a classic poem....but maybe this gives it the master hit at the end of it! Splendid written! -
This is mouthy and funny. Love the double-entendre of the "red mules" in light of the donkey line and red house-shoes. The line about the Rocky Mountain oysters made me laugh. Good luck in the comp.
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holy smokes!
DK ... WOW ... to blend humor with such truths is just amazing, you have spewed much into this write, each time I read it ( four so far) I found another little gem that I had missed previously...well done dear, well done
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I can tell you why you got only two comments in feature. Most of the people who read features are those who only want the points, and seldom do they read the piece. This one may have confused them, and they didn't know what to comment. If they don't have at least 100 characters, they don't get points.
I actually loce this! The entire piece is one huge contradiction as only you could pull off. It's a little bit angry, a little bit ornery, a little bit funny, and a little bit everything else. You certainly have a hit here as far as I'm concerned! Great job and good luck in the contest!
Oh, and besides, look at all the wonderful comments you already have by those who appreciate good work! Really not sure which of mine you should read. Pick one of the latest or Loving Annabelle. That one is the first chapter of my book. I put it here to get the feel for how my book will be received, but I guess it must be too long. I'd love your valuable opinion on it. Thanks. Patricia
Merry Christmas!
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Yeeee-haaaaaw!
I ain't a scart of you! Any time you wanna wrestle... I'll put on my cup and have a go... Let me explain: All you need to know about Maine is that our women's Rugby team won the national championship 74-0 over Ohio. They finished the season with a combined score in all of their games being 586-0. We LIKE tough women here, 'specially if they clean up good, too. I s'pose I should say somethin' 'bout your poem... there's only one thing we like better than a tough, good lookin' woman... and that's a tough, good lookin' woman who can THINK! You keep up writin' stuff like this and I'm gonna send you an honorary membership to the Maine Women club!!! Shhhhh! Don't tell.
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very good
i like it, it very different. you have some good ideas in this poem, keep it up.
red roses
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Good Free Verse
I don't do free verse very well, but this seems good to me. I am no expert, but I think Anasuya will like it. Is this about a specific person or about a general image of a type of person? I like the analogies.
Andy
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Striking...
I think few lines, 'Gotta...threats' pretty much give a clear view about the poet's perspective about 'women' (her anger towards injustice, ignorance mostly when considered the psychology of women) belonging to certain places, caused by their status or sheer predicament faced by harsh society-"belongs to the club, " excellent way of expression, here(applaud).
'being the donkey
little girl Miss America dreams usually
contain no strap ons'
The true image of a teenager, sometimes at the early stage of puberty they tend to go that way, some can never return from there, and the rest grow!(applaud)
'except...Denver shellfish'- now the other side of reality... a dirty scene where some women are seen/considered/regarded as 'weaker sex' are treated as 'cows' and they become 'cows' as well- by being respected as faecal material, they are confined within a cocooned life.(applaud)
Kicked by trauma of desperate life-norm, some reach a constant from where, there is no truning back- we face pictures like these everyday, you experience them too-we have to wear on the 'red house-shoes' no matter what, irrespective of our age.
Now... about your style,dear! What can I say? ... you're free verse is definitely an original
yet it's a free verse.
I hope you don't feel the same that I do today, some guy tried to molest my older sister-
Nothing to worry, he failed to do anything to her, but he is still alive....
Ahem.. sorry for the tone-I am a bit angry/pissed/upset.
Good luck with your great piece! It is a euphemised version of protest, very cleverly(not forcefully) penned.
~Madd
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Hear me ROAR!!
Oh, this is so sharp, DK - totally sharp and witty. I felt like your words were pulling me along, while all the while I was nodding my head here!! I so loved these lines:
"human testicular flesh
does not impress every non virgin"
And while some of them do impress, I gotta hand it to you for nailing this...on the dot!! I was thinking she might also use those "bronze spheres on her desk" to throw at someone...so good to throw things at times!
This poem to me is a very fresh and original, and although seemingly tongue-in-the-cheeck, it gives a poetic definition of how women are treated and not allowed a voice. Wonderful poetry that makes me want to puuuurrrr and rrrooooaarr!
~ Nicolette
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DK, you've woven together some great issues into a deeply consuming piece. I've had to read through twice, I was interuppted and this is one of those that shouldn't be. Your beginning really sets the tone throughout on issues faced and lived by those who don't really want to. A little confusion with your creativity of phrazing but then the last three stanzas bring it all together in good measure.
Great job here! Best wishes in the contest!
Blessings Sandi
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A really powerful write about so many of today's issues. You have sure packed such a lot into this piece, leaving no time for the reader to become disengaged at any point.
A riveting write.
Best to you in this contest.
Gaylene
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insughtfully good, physically absorbing
The mentionn of moon indicates a high in itself, the intoxicated passion which by this verse indicates someone addicted to love making, it seems. and little girl Miss America, is understood generally as all women. mmm, and seemingly, all positions are aspired. In this piece it speaks of a very vibrant personality in this region. Well, that's my estimation, the mile high club is the ecstacy I would say.
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Can't say I liked it, I didn't realize what I was getting into when I clicked your link. I guess you forgot I was sixteen when you asked me to read this.
Can't say it's not good either, though. I can see that your experimenting, I rather like it, though it's abit jarring sometimes. You'll definately need to work on this style, if you want it to be effective.
I didn't understand alot of what you were saying, but that was probably just because of our age difference, though alot of things you worded, just plain didn't sound right:
jumped over the moon so she had to
get a new
connect.
That part did not make much sense to me. Alot of pieces do, but this was the first place I was really baffled, except for those words that I am not sure.. are they made up..?
I did like this part, though:
besides they're not official
Rocky Mountain Oysters
if they come from Texas.
I don't really get what oysters have to do with anything, but I liked the way that sounded.
Anyway, I don't want to get too into detail about this poems, because I'm afraid I'll ask you about something mature and not realize it. xD So if you phrase things wrong, I'm not sure if they are actually wrong, right now. lol
Good luck!
~Lindsay
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Honestly, I can't say anything critical about this, because I like it. Maybe with the word "bitch" used twice.. I guess it just sounds repetitive. But that's basically it.
Unfortunately, there are a few words that I don't know what they mean, but I still understand the poem.
A previous comment said something about the imagery.. there was a lot of imagery... maybe a little bit too much.. not TOO much, like, you want the imagery to balance with the abstraction, so out of 10, you'd want
Imagery 5
abstraction 5
right now, I'd give it
Imagery 6
abstraction 4
Perhaps take out some of the imagery (adjectives) and leave just straight objects in there, and leave it at that. That way, the reader doesn't get lost in your words.
The meaning of this to me is, it doesn't matter where you are from, we are all human. We are the same. Maybe I am off from your intentions, but this is what I got out of it, and that meaning is strong enough for me.
Hope this helps.
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Smart, pissed off, and every bit as funny as it isn't
Jesus Christ. The last three stanzas of this poem are absolutely perfect, and the rest of the poem doesn't sell them short.
Most people will think this is just funny and kinky. It is, too, unless you actually read it. It's a swift sucker-punch hidden behind a chuckle, well put-together top to bottom, livid, smart, and my new favorite among your writes. I have a huge sweet spot for any poem I can read 10 times before I stop finding things I've missed. Most folks can't successfully hide the goodies. Guess you're not most folks.
To me, this seems to say ... roughly ... "Women do not get to wear power ties." I do not envy them that, either; dressing for success is much easier with the aid of those stripes.
I love all the Oz you've shoe-horned in here, and you've blended it really cleverly with those dirty vernacular puns, so that I chuckled at the "evil trees and monkey things" part for an instant, but then was struck with the ire behind it, and just stopped.
This bit was excellent:
human testicular flesh
does not impress every non virgin
in the mile high city
belongs to the club,
without ever having claustrophobic coitus
or faces pressed against no smoking threats
You don't need help with this. If it were in one of my contests, this would be tough to top. Stick a fork in it.
Fruitlessly chasing the chick with the triple-click transport and red house-shoes.
Heh, I'm bookmarking this now.
~Morgan
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Love it!
You are amazing!
This one had me from line one....I LOVED these lines:
"Two bronze spheres on her desk
are not meditation aids,
but badge for a vertically challenged
cowardly lioness, who spent
her life conspiring
with evil trees and monkey things
fruitlessly chasing the chick
with the triple click transport
and red house-shoes."
Unique and gutsy!
I love it!
Lynda
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And she let it all hang out!
Well Di, this piece is certainly a revelation, it packs a punch and delivers it with lightning speed, effective and a visual cornocpia to delight the mind. it twists and turns like a maze, venting and pushing the emotions to spew and then regurgitate. I loved it, it is honest, down to earth and in your face. It might go over a few heads, but hey, it can pounce on them when it floats deliciously back to earth. Great work sweetie as always a pleasure! Bunny
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Diana,
An interesting write, forceful like a Browning automatic rifle taking out a machine gun nest. Someday I'll tell you about riding 1100 lb Arkansas mules into the mountians and what happened when mine got spooked..by a shadow......yeah..good thing I am no waif. Sweet dreams ;f ;f JD
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Raw & Powerful
A cyclone of a poem, it tears through today's society with the same amount of turbulence and exposes all sorts of things you had not given a thought to before. Gotta love the part about the two bronze spheres, good giggle material there Best wishes in the competetion.
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The imagery you have goign n here seems in an awful hurry, or that is how I think it needs to be read, sort of jumbled and angry. Sounds like you have taken a series of current events and strung the verbal together. It is very effective.
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well done ...
Based on current events this poem really had me going in a lot of directions at once.
I cannot be a relativist in my response here. I think what I am hearing is a collective response to the ummmm.....errrrr pageant stuff in the news lately.
This poem is so fertile in imagery that it has overwhelmed my abilities to sort and order it all into something that would make me have to go with the mindset to the point of writing an erotically phrased reply and that I feel would detract from the work itself.
You know, I am beginning to think I should give anything decent I want written to others and let them get all the glory and credit and just take a cut. Ugh.......oh well.
Rich.
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