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take me


take me through the valleys
  where the concrete prisons rise
gray against the hazes
  raining acid from the skies

take me though the graveyards
  where the truth dismembered lies
hushed before stained windows
  and pressed beneath damp eyes

take me though the war zones
  where our tattered angel flies
above the fields of folly
  overrun with hollow cries

take me through the caverns
  where our echoes fade away
to silence in the darkness
  buried deep in rock and clay

take me through the visions
  where our drunken masters sway
on the pinnacles of penance
  bleached with tears of yesterday

and take me through tomorrows
  past the sorrows of today
through the waters of repentance
  where the dreamtime creatures play

 

 

 

In a list

Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Ellis gold member
    December 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    This is THE BEST thing I have read by you.
    --------------


    • Zahhar gold member
      December 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      this was another Zahhar-Cohen hybrid attempt.
  • Kay Laon Anders
    September 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    "where the dreamtime creatures play"

    "take me though the war zones
    where our tattered angel flies
    above the fields of folly
    overrun with hollow cries"

    I believe I enjoy this more now than I did when I first commented....

    I want to know what is meant by hollow cries...that image disturbs me
  • Dream Drifter
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    very impressive.

    wonderful flow of imagrey in these lines. thank you for the morning read.


  • BlackWidow43 silver member
    January 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i liked the rhythm.... interesting background. it's kinda funky.


  • brown paper bag
    December 24, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful poem.i feel like i know it so well.i will have to come back and give this a more indepth comment.i really like it though.
    ~Helen


  • black kitten22
    December 23, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is quietly beautiful, really does flow effortlessly, so weightless, like a soft spirit gliding over mountain tops, its simple but powerful, sums up a great picture, makes me think of freedom, ghosts, reflection, quiet thought, simply perfect. i do wish you would line all the sentances up though. amy


    • Zahhar gold member
      December 23, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      i've been entertaining the idea of staggering the lines even further.
  • Kay Laon Anders
    December 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Hello Person

    I get the feeling of being dragged ...I am not sure why...dead...truth...religion with the stained windows is what I got.... baptism ....not realistic....this probably has lost you...lol...random thoughts....I will come back to this later....

    KAY


  • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
    December 22, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Marvellous

    There are so many powerful lines in this piece it is so appealing. It cries out for more, yet would be diminished (I think) if more were added.
    It is for me an ongoing journey with an unknown destination and I like it for the scope it gives me to imagine.
    Thank you for this!

  • Molassis gold member
    December 22, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Geeze... another piece of perfection from you... man you have such an outstanding way of describing things... a way that also gives feeling instead of just image...

    I have to read your pieces at least twice before I comment... just to take it all in... I have to THINK about what you are saying... and just take my time savoring every little word... because you are just so ding-dang careful where you place each one...

    I noticed that the first three verses all rhyme, 2nd and 4th lines... and then the last 3 verses each rhyme... I like that... it gives the piece a certain character.

    All in all I'd say this piece gives me a somber feeling... the dismembered lies, raining acid... the silence of rock and clay... I'm not certain but it's like you are talking about the ways we are harming our surroundings and the earth is crying out for us to stop!

    This is magnificent!!!

    ~Melissa

1 - 11 of 11