Some said before -- the certain knot of peace,
the farmer's love, the baiting balm of woe,
the one befitting solace and release,
but I can't bide their words nor sense their show.
To me -- a dream of dreams, a pool of lust,
time's secret path, the day's untrodden way,
the lover's exit from a world's unjust,
the self-destruction of prolonged dismay.
Ah sleep -- my wing of comfort and my ship -
who crowns my bed and thrones my slumber sheets,
redeem my ache of heart from blazing grips,
and ease my mind from horrors of defeat.
Brother to death -- beguile a shining curse,
I'd rather sink within your darkest purse.
Author notes
Inspirational sources:
To sleep -- by Sir Philip Sidney.
Sleep -- Samuel Daniel.
These two are outstanding poems, performed by outstanding poets, I can by no mean compare, I only drew the factor of amazement and inspiration unto my humble paper.
Please do not mention my name fellow poets, for I am
in a contest where judging is being done blind.
Thank you.
A contest entry
- The Sonneteers by Nicole Hanna.
600 points, ended March 14, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Marvelous!
This sounds terrific! I am a fan of poetic forms, and you have done great justice to the sonnet, friend! While the first half deals more with putting the cares of the world to rest the second seems to describe slumber taking hold, love it. My favorite part was the third quatrain. What really gives this piece its depth is the contrast you paint between the pain of waking life and the sweet relief of sleep. ~SIK
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I am sure
Sir Lliad that you are a very british fan of the sonnet form
and I am glad you found it worthy.
Glad even more that you took in the detailed criticism to every quatrain and every contained thought in each one of them.
Grateful,
RD.
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bravo
Absolutely superb! The poem even has an Elizabethean sound to it! Exceptionally well done, indeed! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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I am glad
you liked it, and that you found the sonnet sound in it.
After all, sonnets are all about the music.
Thanks again.
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Words and their meanings ...
seem to be a problem. Here:
he lover's exit from a world's unjust, (injustice)
redeem my ache of heart from blazing grips, (what exactly are "grips"?
I'd rather sink within your darkest purse. (what do you mean by "darkest purse"?)
The poem is not bad, but those problems don't help anything at all.
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Allow me to explain
Unjust yes means injustice..
and grips, are the gripping aches of daylight and morning failures and life in general which encumpers this man's mind, and forces him to reside within his safe sleep.
Darkest purse means, metaphorically speaking, your darkest ways of comfort and your nightmares, as if being comfortable is being inside these dreams which sleep facilitates, even if they're hellish or devious.
Hope I made it clearer.
Thank you.
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This is an exotic and enticing sonnet! I've reread it over several times for the sheer pleasure. That third stanza...stunning language. Meter is worked beautifully. I applaud.
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Lol
Thank you, and I don't know what to say..
hough I wanted your attention on my newet Poems, you seem to have a thing for sonnets (even those you have read before).
My pleasure, and my wishes to see your comments on the other pieces.
Be well,
RD.
(Your work is also stunning to the core)
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Brilliant ... and yet I read below that you don't think you've perfected this yet?! Good grief - this could have come from Shakespeare ... seriously ... I thought I was reading an alternative Hamlet for a moment! Go directly to bookmarks; do not pass go!
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LOL
I don't know what to say..
If you liked it that much, then I am very proud of it.
But one should know his limits and boundaries, still if that one would have came out from Shakespeare...
Then I don't know were does this put me.
Because Iknow I still need a lot of work to be able to stand up as a GOOD poet.
Nonetheless, I can't thatnk you enough.
Be well,
RD.
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I loved this. That's all that needs to be said.
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Thank you
And thank you for a very valuable trophy, and an even more valuable cntest.
RD.
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This sonnet I really found to be quite excellent. You really have that sonnet language down pat. I liked how you delivered the punch with the couplet at the end. Those last lines are always so important. I think I'd put you down on the same par as masterblaster. Really good work!
John Carney
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Sonnets are a favorite form
Masterblaster is much experienced than I am, we both share our love for the sonnet form, which is rather addictive, but I fear that I have much to learn.
Lately I have realised my shrinking abilities compared to many other poets, and in my search for power I have grown weak from observing how small I am.
Be well, Dear sir.
I'll have to check on your work soon.
RD. -
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Hi, well written my fellow poets, check line 4 it hiccups a little, happens to all of us,lol, hugs
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Nice work
This was a cool poem Shakspear is my favorite playwrite. This is good. Keep up the good work.
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Outstanding!!
Wow!! I love Shakespear and wish i could express my thoughts as good as you have. I wish you the best of luck and hope to learn to write like this someday. It was really a execptional read!! thankyou Semperfimom39
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I am glad
That you liked this, and am proud to have given off something that made you relate while feeling good as you read it.
Be well,
RD.
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A strong sonnet, a form which leaves me blank I am afraid, in this you have an outstanding piece of this form with metaphorical use that is visual and easy to flow through as you read. I wish you much luck in your contest.
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Promise...sing
R each out from dark dismay to find fresh way
A way from self-destruction's beaten track, -
V oyage which solace, balm, may often lack,
E ntrapping wings within self-pinionned sway.
N iggardly release, piecemeal display
D rawn lines, self torture's signs, where ruin, rack,
A re thread together, Time sped led to stack
R egrets, complaints, fears, tears, and dire dismay.
K now Chance may flow gulf stream of comfort, may
R estate free state of mind behind days black,
A ward reward, instead of taking back
V enture backed by hopes of yesterday.
E xit from world unjust new entrance finds,
NIRVANA not VAIN RAN unbinds free minds ... -
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Appreciated
Thank you for the creative and encouraging idea behind that effort-embedded arcostic (Raven Dark Raven).
Thank you for the great advice, I try to find my way avoiding the daily thorns threw at us daily.
Raven Dark.
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I liked it. I really did. Sonnets are not easy to write. I would know, so really good job on the write. The last line,however, was a little odd sounding. Maybe you should find another word other than purse that rhymes with curse.
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Excellent Job!
This is a very finely written sonnet. The form is perfect and the word choice is excellent. I see Sidney in the form more then Daniel, perhaps because I am more familiar with Sidney. Great Job Poet! ~Gar
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A master!
I thought i was reading a verse from macbeth there, you have captured this form of writting to a T. i wish i had the time to practise more but i don't. if i was nearly as good as you then i'd consider myself brillaint but you my dear friend are the man! great poem. Slán Dolores. xx
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AWESOMO!
You can't say that you don't compare, cuz, man, you kick RObert Frosts ass.
It sent chills up my spine as I read it. It has alot of imagery in it, and thats essential in poetry, as I mentioned to a friend of mine.
(I am sorry, I'd write a better comment, but I have to get ready for a Chemistry test which starts in about 15 minutes. eep!)
~Allie
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LOL...
Get ready for it then, you can pass it quite easily.
And nevermind, your comment was just fine.
I am glad you liked it.
Hope to see you and your work soon.
Raven Dark.
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Excellent!
Oh, what the gifted poet here in Shakespearean sonnet, portrays..with this work on To Sleep..There is alot of emotion here! The poet stirs the emotion as the reader reads.The title, much like the Shakespearean sonnet, is very suitable for this work.."Some said before the certain knot of peace"...in line l leads into the subject which is obscured through many other thoughts and emotions of life Last line..."Brother to death...I'd rather sink within your darkest curse" Very well done! -
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I don't know what to say
All I can say is that I think I've been writing sonnets for a while now, and I guess this must have been the reason why I have grown quite strong in this form of poetry.
Many thanks, to you and to everyone who took the time to read this, and I really appreciate it.
Raven Dark.
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It's been a long time since I've read a sonnet that I enjoyed so thoroughly. I don't get to get on the site much these days. This contains striking phrases and the meter is excellent. A beautifully crafted sonnet.
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So well done
I need to take lessons from you my friend. You have this already mastered. Anything less will now only be attributed to your not working hard enough at it. Something I would be surprised to see from you. This is so well done it ranks with the masters.
Jim
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Excellent
Lovely sonnet, great rhythm and flow and the form is done exceedinly well. I liked the darkness of this piece. I kind of had that witches stirring the caldron feel which was captivating. The only word that threw me was "blanket" I did not get its meaning and placement when used in conjunction with sheets, maybe I'm missing something here, lol, but I felt it rather used to maintain the syllable count and meter then for its meaning. I think I would have preferred "satin sheets" or something to that effect, defining the sheets or an adjective to. Regardless, this is a beautiful piece, I enjoyed it very much. Thank you for this fine entry and good luck at judging!
Bunny
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