When the song is long over, and our dance done,
I'll still imagine your body pressed to mine
And feel your soft sighs breathed against my chest
With arms wrapped tightly around me.
I'll close my eyes and relive those moments
When nothing else mattered but what we felt.
Lost in time and space as our bodies moved together,
Our souls simply and inextricably one.
Once that final chord has quietly played
And the echoing silence drifts to meet the starry sky,
Your touch and your sigh will linger forever
As our harvest moon slips behind soft clouds,
unroped.
A contest entry
- The Form of Love by Perfectly Imperfect.
450 points, ended January 4, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Perfectly beautiful indeed...keep it coming..thanks
-
omg
this is truely the most devine poem i have ever read write more like this please!!! -
nice
i liked the rhythm of this, good job.
-
I'll close my eyes and relive those moments
When nothing else mattered but what we felt.
Lost in time and space as our bodies moved together,
Our souls simply and inextricably one.
wow. this is beautiful.
inextricable is a perfect word to use there;
this poem was wonderful
great job. -
Wow, youve woven emotion into this poem and it doesn't sound forced! Awesome poem Dogtags!
-
Oh, this is soft and just so beautiful. Congrats on the honorable mention, it totally deserved more though (:
-
This is a beautiful piece, congrats on the honorable mention.
-
Wonderful poem and congrats on the HM
I like how you've described the persona's intuitions while they dance as if the song just hovers in the background hazily for the thoughts to be read by, well, the reader, of course!
Lovely piece, all in all
-
This is beautiful piece of writing, I love it. It struck a cord with an old memory of mine, most definitely a finalist Well done and thank you for entering x
-
this is a great poem, the title fits really really well. i like the topic you chose to write about; the last dance of love, you showed your emotions very well in this piece. i like the opening and closing lines alot, but i liked the lines;
Lost in time and space as our bodies moved together,
Our souls simply and inextricably one.
most of all. keep up the great work, this is a great write. keep it up!
-
This is lovely, however I feel a deep sadness here and I can't help sensing that 'Last Dance' has a much deeper meaning. Is it the end of something that leaves an 'echoing silence'. I think that this is a 'goodbye'.
Your word useage is superb!
Von
-
Beautiful. I wrote a string quartet with this title last year, trying to capture very similar feelings to this. I'm a horrible composer, but this poem is exatly what I was trying to do with music...the almost ethereal tone of this poem makes it feel as it the ghost of a lost lover is rising from the page (well, screen) and wafting around the room. I love it
Crit one of mine?
-
great!
i really like the emotion behind this... and it reminds me of a few memories of my own.... and they're exactly how you described them... i feel that there could be more development on this idea if you wanted to.. maybe not this poem.. but i could definitly see you writing a new poem that contains theses ideas thats abit longer... i think you have alot of potential!!
great write and keep writing!
-
Wonderful Write
I really enjoyed this wonderful write I felt like I was dancing in the arms of this person and sweeping me off my feet. Very good indeep
-
*swoon*
I am so glad you happened across my writing and commented...because that led me here to read this. This poem is beautiful and feels epic. The feelings you write about here have been consuming me lately, so it was a very timely find. Thank you for it!
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
