Stamp your feet on
The dirty floor, bare feet, bare mind (simple)
flung back--bare--
at least you’ve gotten your diamonds
(completely naked)
Lying on the floor, lying
To me saying never had it this good before
Now where’s the money haven’t had a smoke in
Ages ten twenty where, save me
two-edged sword double sexy
(twice as achey-breaky)
Choking on your artificial bones, where
Does the silicon end where
do you begin?
What could I change to make this more meaningful?
Comments
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I like it the way it is...
sort of raw, choppy, a
different style completely,
but I got the picture. I'm
not one to really critique
poems...I see each one as
an individual expression,
and I like yours.
Lane
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