Tears running in rivers down my face
My breath coming in sobs
his arms holding me tight
and my head resting on his shoulder
His ever present strength and comfort are there
but I can hear his ragged breath
He is scarred confused and hurt too
but together we will make it alright
thats what his never-let-go grip tells me
And just then
standing there in that crowded room
with all those eyes glued on us
I feel warm
like I'm finally safe
but I know with out him
the impossible would over come me
I'd be on my own
all on my own
I pull back to look in his eyes
and I see the damp redness on his face
a tribuite to our pain
Then I see his gonna be ok smile
I wipe away the tears of so much sadness
Take his hand in mine
Raise my chin
and fix on a gonna be ok smile
Author notes
cluck cluck
A poem I wrote right after two of my brother's friends died in a car crash. It's a thank you to the strong people in my life, they are what kept me going as that was a hard time in all of our lives.
It's sort of a poem about my mixed emotions. I first started forming this idea in my head when I was at a memorial mass for the boys and one of my brothers friends sort of gave me a half hug and one of his beautiful smiles, when I got home this is what I wrote. I hope it's what you were looking for.
A contest entry
- A Poem. by individuality.
450 points, ended January 3, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - i want you but something has to change by hippy love.
310 points, ended January 11, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Catch in your breath.. (prewrites allowed) by AngieMae.
490 points, ended January 25, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Galore and Nothing More by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended February 22, 2007, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Friends by Ragan.
600 points, ended February 15, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do your best... by SmileFromGlasgow.
560 points, ended February 14, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Death of a friend by sprack44.
525 points, ended February 22, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Want to Stay by DarkChildsKiss.
450 points, ended May 24, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please Help Me by bignikki88.
375 points, ended June 14, 2007, 33 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i really love this poem and i'm sory for the ones you have lost. i know the feeling unfourtunatly. i love the words you have used and i love how much true emotion you put into this. Good luck and keep writng
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Thank you for entering my "Make Me Want to Stay" contest. I appreciate your write and best wishes in my contest!
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wow. words cannot describe how most people would feel if it were THEIR brother, and not their friend, who died. i don't think any words could come to mind, even in any kind of death. this is really, really good! no need editing at all. don't listen to them below. lol. this is fine just as is. i understood it because i've seen those everything's-gonna-be-ok looks, and have found them most comforting. so again, many kudos and keep the ink flowing!
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'My breath coming in sobs'
nice line!
HMM...
I'll consider it
very nice write tho
and congrats on your previous win
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"Tears running in rivers down my face" - nice metaphor.. Your eigth lined, you typed "scarred". You would want this to be "scared". Your emotions are mixed up in this poem. You're loving being with him, but yet, it's a sad moment. Which would you want to display?
Thanks for entering my contest and good luck. -
Aww, this is so sad, but an awesome poem, no doubt.
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I love the "never-let-go grips" and "gonna be ok smiles" They were such real descriptions and they gave me flashbacks of how it feels to be held like that. Thanks for the entry! Great write
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awww this is WAY to sad. I so started crying. I LOVE IT!!!! GREAT write!!!
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This was lovely. I enjoyed reading it a lot.
Did you mean "tribute" in line 22?
Congratulations on the silver!
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awww
i love this its so so so sweet i can really feel it and i can realte to it i think you have or will tuch so many people well done xxx -
My breath comming in sobs - coming
thats what his never-let-go grip tells me - this line just confuses me
a good poem though in need of editing. i thank you kindly for entering your poetic piece and good luck to you in this contest - spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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nice.
if love isn't worth fighting for then what is???










