The silence of a deserted street at the lingering point between night and day break
Echoes over the burning bricks laid by long passed souls of the city,
Tickling ears of new born babes left alone for a moment, so that the parents
Might have one reminder of passion and lust; one reminder of foreign sweat on flesh.
The cries shatter warm embrace, they curse, the baby is rocked woefully
While bathing naked in the radiating warmth of the fresh sun;
Day break.
A contest entry
- It is the light that makes you remember by Nicolette.
700 points, ended December 19, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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the prose is fairly congested and muddled, the ideas showing themselfs but not having the sufficent impact that could have been extracted if more time had been spent figuring out your line of thought.
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Great images painted here. It's like watching part of a movie where the camera pans in slowly until you can hear small, quiet sounds at the street level, then movement from outside the window, then the mushy parts where my mom used to cover my eyes(so as not to give me any ideas), then the crying of a baby heralding in the sunrise. It's beautiful.
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very creative.
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This poem brought me back to that time when my kids were still babies... I can identify very much with the sentiments and thoughts expressed through your words - parents trying to be intimate inbetween feeding times - very familiar! To me this poem has a more prose-like quality and is a bit too long to have that "wow"-simplicity I was looking for. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed the daybreak you've painted here in words. Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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