at half past ten one windy night,
a man not often seen in town
wandered, as lost, into a tavern,
ordered a drink and settled down
a melancholic face had he,
a hooked nose and wry lips,
a handsome young man, tall and lean,
slender to his hips
the costume matched his solemn air
he was dressed in elegant grace,
wearing black as raven as the locks
that curled around his face
he was quiet in speech and manner,
and seemed a decent sort,
he joined in their idle banter,
which centred on women and sport
as the evening wore on into night
and the effects of drinking grew stronger,
through bawdy jokes and strange tales
he was persuaded to stay longer and longer
he made a wild claim that night,
as drunken men are wont to do,
that no man had ever loved a woman
as dearly and as true
as he loved the woman he married
for all her unearthly charms,
the delicacy and the beauty
of her pale skin, face and arms
when it was argued how to test this
he arose with drunken sway,
invited them all to follow him home,
as he'd been too long away
they followed him one by one,
out into the frosty night,
down darkened streets and winding paths
twisting left and right
he regaled them with tales of her beauty
until they reached his wooden door,
and in they entered eagerly
unaware of the tragedy in store
these men indeed lost their bet
although they stayed not to pay,
instead they ran out screaming,
their faces ashen grey
no man had ever loved a woman
the way he loved his wife,
for to preserve her youthful beauty
he had loved her with scalpel and knife
Author notes
Inspired by the classic favourite - Edgar Allen Poe
And for those who keep telling me that I have no apostrophe in 'wont':
"wont: adjective 1. accustomed; used (usually fol. by an infinitive): He was wont to rise at dawn."
A contest entry
- Happy Birthday! I love you Edgar Allen Poe by Xxthe angry gothxX.
530 points, ended April 27, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 69 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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wow! I loved this... it was great. even though Edgar would have probably been a little more creepy with the details lol...
welcome to the pre-lims.... this is one great poem.
Thank you for entering my contest.
~Lumin -
ill give you a quick comment for now
when you have some free time on you, give this a another run, i might be mistaken, and ill have to give it a run again, but i thought i saw one grammar error. Overall it was dark and creepy, humorous in much of a Poe way. -
I loved this, so dark!!! You have a great talent, thanks for entering and good luck!
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Woah! That is freaking awesome. I wasn't sure it was going to be that interesting at the start... and I like that. Makes the ending even more shocking. Awesome write! Good luck!
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Nice write! This was very easy to follow, and the imagery was fantastic. Your rhyme scheme was perfect, and the flow was beautiful. The ending was a nice twist, and quite surprising. Great job, good luck in the contest. Thank you for entering.
~Manic -
OMFG
I really did not expect the ending
My dirty mind went to every thought possible
But I just can't believe this
you really caught me by surprise
I have no idea what to say anymore
but this is too dark
good luck in the contest
Keep it up
NeveR ♥
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Wow.. creepy... I like it!
The end was quite surprising.
Thank you for entering.
Best of Luck! -
Shocking
Great ending. I loved it, and it works perfectly with the former lines. I'd advise some restructing so there's an equal ammount of syllables for each line, to make it flow better, but the overall theme and craft is wonderful. Would be perfect in a book of tales...
-D
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This is a very rythmic poem, taking one into landscape of love and its mysteries. Thank you for sharing this poem. Keep writing poem of this sort and share with poetic community
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this reminds me of something that Anthony Hopkins in silence of lambs would do... then collect all his bets just to spite people.
this was unexpected!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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OMG Ewwwwwww!
'A melancholic face had he
A hooked nose and wry lips
A handsome young man, tall and lean
Slender to his hips'
I just can't seem to believe that he is handsome if he has a hooked nose Hooked nose reminds me of the witch in sleeping beauty... sorry 
Anyway, overall, I should be commending you for such fantastic descriptions throughout! You really painted us a picture here! Well done!
The rhymes are consistently maintained too and that has created an effortlessrhythm throughout! Nice one!
'As drunken men are wont to do'
This line didn't quite sit right with me. I think maybe wont should be want??? Not sure, perhaps it's a language thing that I'm unaware of?? Ye Olde English or something??
The tale was certainly a peculiar and vile one and as I said before, really well described! I think it can be taken in one of two ways - she is dead and is he trying to preserve her, or he has made her?? You know, like stitching bits together etc Either way, gross! I'd be interested to hear the truth and how you came up with this idea
Thanks for sharing this with us!
Tough Cookie
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This is very disturbing, but is of a high standard.
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A truely amazing work...
It is really very heartfelt write revealing the truths of life where this heart is always in question in term of its joy and pains time and time again...You have touched and described here very universal phenomena of this creation bringing the depth of the life in just few poetic words here..Indeed very great poem is here.. -
this was doneperfectly i enjoyed readin this really good.
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The end really took me by surprise. This was a very a dark poem that you did good on..it leaves one feeling kind of hmm I am not sure how to say it lol..
Anyway deep write.
Kamala -
This is so amazing and stunning.
This is absolutely beautiful, Very well thought out and polished to high perfection. Brilliant piece my friend! loved the form and flow and the rhythm and rhyme are dead on. Captivating piece from start to finish. Don't put down that pen! -
Oh, bittersweet and truly surprising at the end. I enjoyed this, whilst not being a big fan of rhyme, which means you must have done a very good job with it! You've explored the startling subject matter very well here. x
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this is a very good poem, with a somewhat unsettling ending. the rhymes make it very readable and i love the fact that the ending is completely not what you're expecting at all. keep on writing, polly x
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