A silver band encircles, just
From fingertip to fingertip
And as metal just returns, it must!
A word, dangling, from tattered lips
And progression to, and from, and for
From lies--truth, and dark to light
Waiting, left, and nothing more
And there you stand, beholden, right
"Love," phrases, marked and trite
Feelings felt that once were sore
And Darkness, now, it rests in night
And beats within my very core
And words they taunt, and slowly slip
Form a pool of filling trust
A sound, a syllable, a witty quip
The silver band encircles, just!
Author notes
I'm not sure if anyone else will know what this means.
Check the rhyme scheme (I'm kind of proud of it).
A contest entry
- 19 to 25 enter your best prewrites Judged by RedwingSpirit.
850 points, ended January 17, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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*** Excellent Poem
Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest I wish you the best of luck.
REDWINGSPIRIT
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ababcdcddcdcbaba lol idk what it is like some kind of forwards backwards motif. i like the idea of the band. reminds me of a symbol of love, that sometimes people take less seriously or more seriously. idk i like it, even if im wrong. which i usualy am.
write on sistah!
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I enjoyed this piece very much. I could feel the flow and how the band symbolized that things are "just". Neither good nor bad.."just". Not sure if that is what you were trying to convey, but thats how my mind caught it. Great write.
Soulful Woman -
Great write!
It was very well written and it had really good flow without sounding to forced. I rather enjoyed reading this piece
Keep Up The Good Work!!!
Beck -
Interesting
So the silver band means just? I am confused....To most women getting a any sort of band means money forever.....So this poem tells me the persona really wants a band....then her dreams come true....that is truely sad. ~PeacE~GarY~ P.S. Sounds like neither of the personas in this poem can even have a clue what true love really is.....wow -
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Well, the silver band is supposed to represent a promise, a "just" promise, but not necessarily marraige, and it "just reaches" signifying kind of an imperfect entity. It is also used to tie the poem together, the poem begins and ends with the circular band, and the rhyme inverts in the middle, kind of bringing the poem about in a circle. But silver, pure, is also kind of a symbol for hope, and I chose silver over gold because i didn't want it to seem like marraige.
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Enrapturing!!
Absolutely well written and impeccable!! i love the rhymes something i can't
love these 2 -
From lies--truth, and dark to light
Form a pool of filling trust
The words are preciously descriptive and rapturing. So much honesty and strength in a little poem
i love that a pool of filling trust oufff a conscious choice for peace between 2 hearts All my love xx
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