DARK DEEP POETRY
Dank and dark the feelings that lie within,
As I'm walking between heaven and hell.
Rain and sleet leave me blinded by my sin,
Knowing it's in my excrement I dwell.
Destroyed, my gaping soul is left to bleed.
Ethereal, the shadows in my mind
Eclipse the light on which I used to feed.
Plunging, my burning soul becomes entwined,
Poignant, the screams within my battered head
Oblique, they never reach my withered lips.
Excruciating pain; I'm left for dead,
Tossed into blackened sea from pirate ships.
Remembering the past I slowly sink,
Your lifeless black eyes did not even blink.
Joyce Le Lievre
(sunny day)
December 14, 2006
Author notes
You wanted dark, I hope this was dark enough.
Acrostic Sonnet: Deep Dark Poetry
Rhyme Scheme abab, cdcd, efef, gg done in couplets.
10 syllables per line
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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lol, yes this is dark... and amazing... ahhh, damn it though... when i said couplets i ment rhyming couplets... sorry, my mistake for not makin it clear... "Ethereal, the shadows in my mind" that has only 9 syllables... well givin the lack of entries, i will forgive you mistakes because the poem was amazing... thank you for entering
Jacob
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One more comment!
And line 7 is really, really good! This is very fine writing! It says dark; it is dark!
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This is good!
I really like this rhyme scheme. It worked out really well! Line 4 was really dark. -
This is dark - but beautifully dark. Your poem flows with vivid imagery. Nice use of vocabulary that makes this poem stand out. Well done dear poet. Good luck in the contest.
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yowsa!!
if this was any darker, it would be black! very well written,joyce! i loved this poem!
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Dee, Thank you so very much my dear sweet friend, both for the applause and your lovely words that are so complimenting to me. You always inspire me with your praise and humble me as well. I'm very happy that you enjoyed this piece. It was fun to try an acrostic sonnet. I have not done one before. Love and God bless, Joyce
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nice poem Joyce
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Michael, Thank you my dear young friend, both for the applause and your lovely words. I'm very happy that you enjoyed this piece. Love and God bless, Joyce
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It works for me lol..
your words were vivid and in Acrostic form
well done, leaves me a bit of a shiver.
Thanks for sharing
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
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tearz, Thank you so much for your lovely words, the host wanted dark and I tried. It was the form that caught my attention, I was drawn like a moth to the flame when I saw it. I'm very happy that you enjoyed this piece. Love and God bless, Joyce
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WOW!!!!!!
this is beyond good, you did an amazing job on this i can't even think of what to say right now, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest -
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Aaron, Thank you so much my dear sweet friend for your words that are very complimentary. I am humbled by them. I'm very happy that you enjoyed it so much, it was fun to write.
Thank you for the best wishes also. Merry christmas and the Happiest of New Years for you. Love and God bless, Joyce
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Excellent!
Very well written though very dark, indeed. It's a very well thought written verse that shows clear the depth of darkness of pain. From teh start till the end, it is capitivating and it's impossible not to stop and read the whole piece. Good Luck in the contest. Very well written hun very well.
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Candy, Thank you for the applause and your words that again are so complimentary I am left humbled.
This was a challenge I had to try. I love acrostics and to blend it in with a sonnet was fun. The host wanted dark and I did my best to accomodate them. I'm very happy that you enjoyed it. A very Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years to you. Love and God bless, Joyce
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WOW
Dark this is.
Joyce hun you spun a web of ice crystals and it grabs hold of the reader till the very end.
Very well done hun
Bravo
Fire
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Thank You, They Wanted Dark!
FQ, The host asked for dark and I've never done an acrostic sonnet. I had to give this one a try for certain. Thank you so much for the applause and your compliment that is so humbling. I had fun doing this one. I hope you are doing well. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years. Love ya my friend, Joyce
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