THE LOST BOAT
Unfolding the packet, I felt pleasant
Depicting Kerala culture,a boat, was a present
Enlightening the room it stood still
In the corner it added a frill
Rain and thunder, moonlight and sunlight
One by one, shedding days and night
Then it disappeared, a work of art
Only a show-piece, not a canoe or a boat
The empty place left a pricking pain
Only a piece of wood, left a longing in vain
It is not there –gone for ever, leaving
Sobbing over the lost life, like its missing
In the mind’s sky wandered cloud and thunder
In the roaring waves, the boat, like life, drifted asunder
Childhood and teenage unpleasant time it bore
Now and then, did not reach the shore
Once, long time back, rain-left pool
Carried our boats, paper boats, made us joyful
Reached home wet and drenched
Boats of different size and shape, drifted
Again and again, filled the playtime
Awaiting eagerly the rainy clime
Those days it was only a plaything
These days, decorative, like a ring
Arranged the decorative pieces, rearranging
A home I tried to make, with a strong feeling
My eyes with tears, the empty place filled
No solace, my empty life, tears never filled
Torrential rain bracing outside
Will it ever be bracing the burning inside
A contest entry
- "Sixth contest and still counting" by FallenAngel09.
550 points, ended December 17, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you deserve this? by Never Fall in Love.
850 points, ended August 14, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for many types of poems, Prewrites allowed. by Systems Malfunction.
500 points, ended January 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories of a Real Past by fantasysmurf.
666 points, ended May 11, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 8 Memories - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended August 23, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Why Not? by Hebz.
395 points, ended August 24, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Loved the topic & idea very much. A deep end too made it a great piece.
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
: F
GloriousGift
Heba -
Thank you for your entry in the contest. An unusual poem that made for interesting heading, however we thought the rhyme in places was either forced or slant and occasionally, not there at all.
All the best in the judging of this contest
Sue and Jeff
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I loved this, it has a lot of potential
I loved the analogy of the paper boats and to me they represent a metaphore for life to. Life is really what you make of it... and like in this poem some of us are always searching for something that was once there and now it's missing. We don't appreciate what we have until it's gone.
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you did excellent work. I love the story you told and the recollection to your childhood,
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This is a nice poem. I enjoyed it. However in some spots the rhyme seemed either forced or just confusingly messy. It seemed like you weren't sure whether to rhyme or just write as it came. However, your ideas are nice and fresh in comparison to many others.
Good luck in the contest! -
Hmm...
Your poem paints a picture and I must say, the ending is a great and fitting one.
However, I felt that your flow lacked in certain places and some of the rhymes you used weren't really rhyming.
Though, as I said, the last stanza was the best.
All the best
NeveR ♥ -
One of your very best so far!
Really enjoyed reading this and the work you put into it and the metaphor of a decoration and childhood, gone and not replaced...perhaps not replaceable, a wonderful sensitive and profound offering of poetic thoughts.
Thank you for sharing this.
amicus...
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a good poem here, though the presentation is a little on the wild side
i think it would look better if tidied up so it was neater and such. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Bravo!!!
I liked this poem a great deal...it has a wonderfully strange, haunting sound which I'm not certain quite how you achieved...wonderful, wonderful. Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
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One of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen is at Japanese Gardens on the lake on a cam evening when they set sail their candled paper boats in memory of thos who had passed on during the year.....it was soobeautiful. this reminded me of that...thank you.
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Thank you so much for your entry into my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreciated. I think this poem hinted at something much bigger than it actually stated, and I loved that illusive quality about it. I love the convoluted way you twisted the words and made them more mysterious then there outward appearance. Thank you for your entry, and good luck in the contest.
Tiphanie
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