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Value

 

For a particular youth


I watched the cyclone raging through your mind
behind the storm fronts of your weary eyes;
I felt the gale wind thrust of every word
you bellowed to the over-clouded skies.

And here is what I saw: An empty place.
A realm so foreign to the world of men,
that few could bare to grasp or understand
the sheer impossibility of life.

The ground as far as I could see was razed,
wiped free of every feature bearing hope;
a river seethed throughout the barren fields,
filled with poisons from the wells of loss.

All horizons bore the faintest touch
of mountains, jagged shadows ripped from time;
the sky was silver-gray with high-spun clouds,
the kind that never break to show the sun.

And here were you, hunched over on your knees,
your fingers clutched into the soggy soil,
stunned into a state of heavy shock,
silent, still, and breathing low and mild.

I could not guess what leveled all you knew
and left you magically alive—alone.
But then I heard your murmur: "I am worthless."
And dimly I began to understand.

Dear Soul! What worthless thing could hold?!
What petty life could face such storms of loss?!
What worthlessness could carry on despite
the emptiness of such a barren scape?!

This life is yours! This plane of dreams your own!
Whatever storms have left you thus are gone.
Now you must stand and walk until you learn
the nature of your reconfigured lands!

Stand tall! For you have shown your mettle.
You have endured where most have failed and died.
Your face still holds the will to learn and grow—
So go! Explore the landscapes of your life.

Those distant mountains surely harbor hopes.
And they are yours, so go and see what kind.
But you must leave this place of tragedy,
this epicenter of your broken past.

This place is but a fragment of your soul.
There is much more to you than what you see.
Beyond those mountains continents are filled
with every form of possibility.

For there are treasures hidden in your world,
and there are forests standing green and wild,
but you must make the survey of your soul,
to learn your inner worth and sense of value.

 

 

In a list

Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • BlackWidow43 silver member
    January 6, 2007
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    this was very pretty. I really liked it.

  • Molassis gold member
    December 17, 2006

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    Wow... all I can say is wow...

    You appear to have chosen each and every word very carefully in this... it is a very clean poem. It's graphic and you carried the image of a storm though the entire piece... and did it nicely may I add.

    Your flow is as good as can be. It read smoothly but in one sentence I stumbled, maybe because of the wording, I'm not sure.

    I must admit, this is an incredible piece!!!

    ~Melissa


    • Zahhar gold member
      December 17, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      which sentence?
      • Molassis gold member
        December 17, 2006
        Edit | Reply
        oh, I hope I haven't offended you!!! That is not my intent!!!

        "Beyond those mountains continents are filled" that's the sentence, second to last verse; third line...

        I've read it several times: did you mean to put a ' in mountains? [mountain's] or beyond those moutains[,] continents are filled?

        I am so sorry if I offended... truly I am.

        • Zahhar gold member
          December 17, 2006
          Edit | Reply
          offended? holy cow not at all. i'm not so sensitive.

          so that's the line ay. ah yes, i see where you're having the problem. a clarifying comma could be used, and i was aware of the potential misinterpretation when i decided to omit it. some of my poems have no punctuation at all, and others have them in all the 'proper' places. then there are poems that have just the essential punctuation and that's it, this would be one of those.

          i figured the line would be clear enough in conjunction with the line that follows. "Beyond those mountains[,] continents are filled with ever form of possibility". i can see how a comma would improve the readability, but i also like the idea of making the reader stop once in awhile to contemplate the wordage, and to reclarify in his or her own mind the meaning.

          this is my first poem i've tried in blank verse quatrains. fairly powerful flow and dynamic to it. i don't think i've actually seen a poem written this way before either.

  • brown paper bag
    December 13, 2006

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    my thoughts

    Stanza one is a good powerful opening.The weather imagery/metaphors work really well.

    The second stanza as the narrator is perfect.It doesn't come off as too philisophical but in clean simplistic way to reach any reader including the intended.

    "a river seethed" what a fabulous line! I'm very envious of that line.Excellent imagery and fitting.
    The next stanza again had some very vivid imagery in every line.

    jagged shadows ripped from time;
    the sky was silver-gray with high-spun clouds
    The next two stanzas reveal the cause and I think in some ways are the weakest part.Not to say overly weak.I didn't care for "soggy soil"

    The remaining stanzas give the enlightenment.The gift of showing another human being they are not alone.A very powerful poem overall and has made an impact on this reader.

    I think what you do for a living is commendable.I'm sure it is heartwrenching and frustrating but most of all rewarding .Children need to be nutured and loved.I watched a documentary recently on the homeless kids in Oregon.I was shocked that this happens in America.Anyway a great write and it touched me.
    ~helen


    • Zahhar gold member
      December 15, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      hi helen,

      i was going to wait until i had the mental energy and wherewithal to respond properly, but i admit that it can take me weeks if not months to get around to a proper response. i've frustrated many in the past. one of my friends has accused me of letting cobwebs grow on poems i mean to comment on, or responses i mean to make. this is just me and not something to take personally. but i generally do get back to people when i remember to. i sometimes need reminding. and it needn't be biting.

      i'm glad you liked this poem anyway. although this was an emotional write, i don't think much of it personally. i'd like to develop such that i could do the subject matter behind this poem proper justice. i think you've sensed some of the areas where it's lacking, but i as its writer sense more. it's more properly a frame, or a draft, from which to expand and make something truly potent--but at my current level i don't know how to expand it, though i'm sure this is a better piece of writing than i could have managed on the fly two or three years ago.
  • Kay Laon Anders
    December 12, 2006

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    This reminds me of a friend....she tells me a lot about how she will never amount to much and it is mostly because her parents tell her that all the time...I do what I can to tell her she is whatever she makes herself....but she tends to want to believe that she is worthless instead of valuable....great write of course...

    KAY


  • SuZyCuE
    December 12, 2006

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    Excellent

    Wow this is so sad, yet you have been able to instill the ray of hope that most lost souls dont see on their own. Life for the youth of today is hard enough, but to feel worthless on top of everything is unimaginable.Sometimes we must guide them to that ray of hope however small it is and hope and pray that they believe in themselves enough to embrace it. I hope your words are that ray of hope needed to help someone who is lost find their way.

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