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Dreamworks

 

Eyes saw first light one Monday, when World War II was won,
emerging, letters learning, to betters bowed, begun
a journey spread like butter upon life’s bread, which seems
to be about to stutter before the land of dreams.

Eyes which were schooled one Tuesday began to understand
how letters strung together rung bells brain took in hand,
soft strength no conscious effort to channel patterned streams
should need, the flood no rudder to stimulate those dreams.

Eyes which advanced one Wednesday upon emotions’ tide
to woo, to win, together, as groom to beauty bride,
felt joys would last for ever, like strawberries and cream,
still hope sap strong can't sever eternity from dreams.

Eyes which in turn one Thursday sired fruit so well desired,
who queried much, yet stayed untouched by vain ambitions tired,
felt feelings frank, not clever, that seek "together's" gleams,
to sow, reap, harvest, gather the essence of shared dreams.

Eyes which Friday celebrate, see seed to stripling strong
stretch skywards, never hesitate, sift just from wrong's pronged tongs,
subjective vie[w]s eliminate, zest tests through searchlight beams,
shows all may know intact stays flow that feeds tomorrow’s dreams.


Eyes which on this Saturday sense Winter drawing near,
reaching through rhyme’s interplay would transmit loud and clear
before Time’s ‘weak~end’ weather may wear away soul’s gleams,
this theme : ~ that one should never compromise on dreams.

Eyes which one Sunday may pass away, life legacy would leave,
who principles would not betray, prays none know tears, none grieve.
Life's cycle turns as candle burns, warms all within its beams, ~
road cats' eyes snake, make no mistake, tomorrow takes your dreams ...



Author notes

robi3_1252_robi3_0000 XXX_DEZ

Rainbow Eye http://www.flickr.com/photos/scaryjerrygirl/2380686699

Interstanza stylized Eye pic Anu While I was waiting http://www.flickr.com/photos/anua22a/2299631156/



'Seven Colours' of the Rainbow = Seven days of the week

wor[l]ds in [b]rackets convey two or more meanings

vie[w]s : read both views and vies (French for lives] thus Life View thus Welt Anschaung in German

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Comments

1 - 84 of 84

  • English.Muffin silver member
    November 17
    ?
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    Very interesting poem, with lots of great techniques and a flawless rhyming scheme.
    I loved reading this poem.
    Thanks for your entry


  • SheWasPreternatural
    September 30

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    My praise is useless here.

    Creatively crafted and executed well. Bravo.


  • sinfull
    September 26

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    This says both less and more than I expected. Uncluttered by the information that details a life, yet rich in the working of a fascinating mind.
    "make no mistake, tomorrow takes your dreams ... "
    This statement causes me to flinch. (I prefer to think they only just begin)
    This is a wonderful write. The advance of the week a perfect vehicle for your words.

  • catstar
    September 26

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    Amazing! This is a fantastic write and so true, the dreams always seem to be tomorrow's dream and there's something else for today. I love the idea of the seven colours of the rainbows being the seven days of the week, and each day could be a different era of life. I really like it. Its so different.
    Thanks for entering.


  • Random Renee
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    ive seen this write b4 thanks for shjaring hun good luck! good write again very differnt but good


  • Shadow Stalker
    September 10

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    Amazing,

    you did a really good job. There are so many things that can be taken from this and I really enjoyed reading it. I love the rhythm and rhyme. The repetition wasn't too much to bear and over all your poem was fantastic. Great job and good luck.

    *~*Night Mistress 1*~*

  • OhNoChastity
    September 3

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    I do think that you captured the prompt well (which was refreshing to see on a prewrite, I'll admit. Often people submit poems that barely touch the prompt at all). You definitely had the past, the future, and the present included in this poem. I do think the prompt had a bit more of a tone of confusion, but I still liked this poem overall. I found how the stages of life were separated into the days of the week very interesting, and your use of metaphors to be great.

    I like your play on words and the format of this poem overall. You're not afraid to play with symbols, and use them to emphasize important aspects of the poem. It makes it much more interesting to read and to look at. I do find the pictures to be a bit of an eyesore, and completely unneccessary in such a wonderful piece, but that is something that is completely my opinion and I wouldn't even suggest taking them out -- that's your style, and although I don't like it, I do appreciate it.

    I am not a fan of rhyme, not at all. Most poets get locked into it, but you kept the rythm of this poem at a constant and I couldn't find a single line that seemed forced. Good for you.

    My overall favourite line would have to be "before Time's 'weak~end' weather may wear away soul's gleams." I love your play on words here, and I love that you addressed an unfortunate truth. A truth, yet also a very intriguing metaphor. I amend you for that.

    This is a very good piece, and thank you for entering it. It really was a pleasure to read. I hope to see more of you in my later contests.

    -Je


  • Random Renee
    September 3

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    very different.thanks for your write and good luck..good write.


  • katie marie silver member
    August 29

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    It's so interesting to see the different takes on the phrase 'Entire of Me'. The prompt poem focus on 'completion of me', another entry focuses on loving all of self, and yours goes the direction of the entire life of a person. Very interesting portrayal you have used with the eyes looking out onto the different phases of life signified by the days of the week. Thanks for entering and providing me with a great read.


  • divebar
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    yes

    you made it through in introspection

    im also not sure exactly what the little picture breaks accomplish.
    be sure to watch your meter if youre going to use such straightforward rhyme schemes. it wasnt too distracting, but that may have been because the pictures were distracting me. lol.

  • OhNoChastity
    August 23
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    Please put the option in your AN.

  • unraveled
    August 22

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    For Introspection, my vote is yes.
    I was not a fan of the repeated pictures but it seems you have skill in writing and I'd like to see what else you can offer.

  • Lady Silver Dragon
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    I liked how you split the verses up using the days of the week. And it had a flow that almost seemed to slip right off the tongue. I can see why it has won the trophies that it has!


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    August 21
    Edit | Reply

    OhNoXhastity Contest

    Prompt 1. "I don't know where I'm going, but I know where I've been." -- "Coppin' it Sweet" by Bliss N' Eso


  • Little Lesley
    August 13

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    Great. I'm speechless. Right...brilliant job. Really
    Wish you the best of luck!
    ♥~Little Lesley~♥


  • mgmc gold member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply

    Heart Breaking

    Great use of imagery to convey emotions; extremely effective. I found this poem heart breaking---very well written!
    One of the phrases that especially rang true for me ---"that one should never compromise on dreams." Actually the
    third stanza onward struck a strong chord with me.

  • saz 09
    July 31

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    Thanks for entering! I really enjoyed this poem your rhyming was fantastic, vocabulary was a magnificent and the flow was overwhelming. I was almost stuck for words at such a great piece. I mean, eyes we all have them and we all look through unto the same world but somehow differently it was a great idea for this poem, i guess some of it was in reference to either yourself or a loved one. well done again!


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

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    Ok be honest!

    how did you do it?

    Show me everything and all!


    I really, really enjoyed reading this.

    Well done on a great write!


  • rainbows. gold member
    July 8

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    I really like all the imagery and emotion you put into this. Thank-you very much for entering this piece into my contest.


  • Angel Lunarious gold member
    June 29
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    i like this alot it was very good and well written. Thanks for entering and good luck

  • jadeangyal
    June 9

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    You are able to cram so much imagery into so little space. Life passes quickly, but a week as full as this one would be a life well-lived. Thanks for entering.


  • ProzacSam
    June 7
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    This is a really good poem! Congrats on your previous wins - well deserved!


  • Veronica-Armijo
    May 25

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    I think your poem is beautiful but it is not what I'm looking for. So I am removing it from the contest. Sorry

    Veronica


  • LaCkOfCoLoUr
    May 17

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    This poem is striking and imaginative it tells me alot it almost tells me a whole story it is so delicatley written that it almost makes me see the imagery as clear as if i was watching t.v this poem demands respect in more ways than one you form and fluent rhymes where something to behold in themselves though i thought that the only downfall to this poems where those pictures i didnt think they added anything but a colourfull distraction to the eyes other than that this poem was absolutley delisciouse thankyou for sharing your art with me and taking the time to enter my contest it is apreciated.

  • Judith Chandler
    May 4

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    An unusual write but enjoyable and you did stick with a journal format. Imagery is well done.

    Impressive array of trophies. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Blasphemous Girl
    April 8

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    Very detailed

    I like how you have taken time to put as much detail in this poem as you could. I like detail. Really good piece, thanks for entering x


  • Koenigsreich
    March 26

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    Oh, the word play is AMAZING. How you wound through the week, daily showing and discussing events and realizations. Great piece!


  • Never Known
    March 21
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    Absolutly astounding I love it... Thank you so very much for entering... And Goodluck.


  • Dead Hair
    March 13

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    Life's cycle turns as candle burns, warms all within its beams, ~
    road cats' eyes snake, make no mistake, tomorrow takes your dreams ...
    Wonderfully chilling. I love how you demonstrated the passing of time with a week, and the images you used were very effective!


  • meoncloud9
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    You are definitely a great poet and that was the first thing I discovered in your.
    These eyes of mine are impressed by your talent.
    Great write.. Good luck in the contest..


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    February 17
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    this is a real little gem thanks for the entry


  • untouched pages
    February 11

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    Well... the trophys speak for this peom in its self.. I agree with Morgana.. the way its layed out I find it sets it apart from many other write!! thank you for this penning.. keep it up poet!!


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the way this is layed out, the way you go through the week, and almost through each season,what i think you accomplished best in this poem was that you managed to get dreams on the end of each stanza in a beautiful way without it seeming too repitive.
    Great piece of work here.
    Thanks for entering.
    Laura.


  • miss-princess
    December 21, 2008
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    Thanks for your entry. Good luck in the contest


  • mickey94
    December 13, 2008

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    Very interesting, and well penned
    "tomorrow takes your dreams ..."

    good luck
    -micaela


  • Trupoet
    December 11, 2008

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    A very well crafted piece, detailed nicely!
    Thanks for your entry, all the best!


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    December 6, 2008

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    the eyes have it interesting form the use of week days to solidify the stanzas. well done


  • ratkos
    November 28, 2008
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    this was extraordinary i loved the passing of time within the week and this was cleverly written


  • ishelicious
    November 7, 2008

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    bonggacious!!!

    a million claps for you wow...i really adore your poem ...a total winner!!! winner!!!! soooooo bonggacious!!!! (awesome)


  • Hannie
    October 29, 2008
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    awesome poem!!! thanks heaps for entering and good luck


  • KyleBerg gold member
    October 23, 2008

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    The amount of images annoyed me... often pictures are helpful in adding to the emotion of a piece or just making a poem more aesthetically pleasing, but overuse of images can be distracting and take away from the strength of the words themselves... which would be useful for a badly constructed poem.. but not a poem like this one that is so nicely set out =)

    You have some amazing poetic talent and creativity, and for that I admire you. However, I personally found the poem confusing... to me it seemed over-crowded with metaphors and such that were at points difficult to understand and made it easier to get distracted by the pictures.

    But I do very much like the message of the poem and the rhyming and word choice were practically flawless... so yes, I have mixed feelings about this piece...

    Regardless of that, I want to thank you sincerely for your entry and wish you the best of luck in my contest and the other contests as well.


  • poeticcaresses
    September 22, 2008

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    This piece was absolutely beautiful and extremely well written. However it's not exactly what I was looking for. Regardless though you are undoubtably an amazing writer! Thank you so much for sharing this with us!


  • Jenny84
    September 22, 2008
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    I really like the way you wrote this. It was beautiful. Thank you for your entry.

  • Hidden Depths
    September 12, 2008

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    This is a great poem! The rhymes were pleasing, the flow was steady and I appreciated the topic as I understood it. However, I have to admit that I couldn't see how it related to my contest. It seemed to me to document ones progression through life and a bit of wisdom gained along the way....but not to be pulling up dormant emotions, dark secrets, or hidden sorrow. It is entirely possible that I missed it and, if so, I would welcome the author's take on it and gladly re-read. Overall, you have quite a talent and I appreciated the way you didn't seem to waste words. However, as mentioned in a previous comment, I think it would serve this poem well to do away with the extra graphics. They were a bit distracting, so I printed the poem out without them and felt like I was reading a whole new poem. Anyway, that's my constructive criticism. As always, feel free to consider it or discard it. Thanks for your entry!


  • Ms. Black Eyeliner
    September 5, 2008

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    "as groom to beauty bride,
    felt joys would last for ever, like strawberries and cream,
    still hope sap strong can't sever eternity from dreams." i love this line

    great job this poem reminds me of the precious moments days of the week poem you know (Mondays child is fair of face,
    Tuesdays child is full of grace,
    Wednesdays child is full of woe,
    Thursdays child has far to go,
    Fridays child is loving and giving,
    Saturdays child works hard for his living,
    And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
    Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.) idk why but it did lol


    any way back on track great poem good luck in the contest


  • sgking123
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Eyes which on this Saturday sense Winter drawing near,
    reaching through rhyme’s interplay would transmit loud and clear
    before Time’s ‘weak~end’ weather may wear away soul’s gleams,
    this theme : ~ that one should never compromise on dreams.
    Eyes which one Sunday may pass away, life legacy would leave,
    who principles would not betray, prays none know tears, none grieve.
    The cycle turns as candle burns, warms all within its beams, ~
    road cats' eyes snake, make no mistake, tomorrow takes your dreams ...

    Loved the above lines.It appears that you were writing this piece to gain in imagery and vividity in order that the reader could really relate to the overall experience and feel as if he/she were there. It is pretty tough to get that outta poems. Kudos I would agree with others when they say that you do have wonderful imagination.The choice of the pictures was great too.Please visit my poetrya nd offer some comments.


  • Symphony
    September 5, 2008

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    I found this *very* hard to read with all the images acting as gaps between stanzas. Also was distracted because I kept drifting back to taht BEAUTIFUL rainbow eye image at the top; absolvuely loved that.

    So, to be honest with you, I stopped reading, probably less than half way through just because the little images were driving me mad However, of what I read, I enjoyed, and would like to finish. Perhaps later I will copy it into notepad and read it there without interruption


  • Sunkissed xo
    September 5, 2008

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    wow, well done, this is a very deep & beautiful poem with lots of lovely imagery and ideas raised throughout. a fantastic write! well done!

    - Katie


  • LastWords
    September 5, 2008

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    I have to Crown you "King of Rhyme"!



    Beautiful!!!!







  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 24, 2008

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    WOW. This was incredibly written. I'm honestly in awe by your writing. I loved every word. You wrote this poem so vividly so the reader could really understand this experience as if they were there. Not many can really poem that off. Wonderful imagination, as well, and I loved the pictures. They seem to suit this poem perfectly. Hope you are well & good luck with everything ♥

  • AngelOfDarkness88
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is said the eyes are the windows to the soul..and here you let us take a look through those windows into yours..thank you..


  • lostcorruptedsoul
    July 30, 2008
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    Thank you for the imaginings. How long you been writin for?


  • Brit-Girl
    July 24, 2008

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    this is great!
    thank you so much for your entry
    Beautiful write
    Em


  • gettingoutofme
    July 11, 2008

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    This was an absolutely beautiful poem and I really enjoyed it. The rhyme and rythme of it carried me through to the finish and made it so enjoyable. Good luck in my contest.


  • thepoetsings
    June 27, 2008

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    No editorial comments. Kudos.

    I will be back to comment when judging. Thanks for your entry!


  • background music
    June 22, 2008

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    congrats on your Gold I can see why it won that contest. Very descriptive! The pics/graphics relate well to the poem too. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • pattyann4500
    June 11, 2008

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    I'm not at all surprised that you won gold in a previous poem with this piece. It's incredibly poetic and beautifully written. I must ask...is this about you? I know you're not dead yet.

    You have written a piece that takes the reader's breath away. The way you used a week to cover the divisions of a human life is so much nicer than the cliche of using the seasons. It's rich and refreshing. Thank you so much for placing this wonderful piece in my contest. I feel honored to have read it. Patricia


  • Eyes Wide Shut gold member
    May 26, 2008

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    Your rhyme is beautiful. This poem portrays such a picture and your pictures were a very nice addition!! Thanks for entering.


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    May 24, 2008

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    Eyes which on this Saturday sense Winter drawing near,
    reaching through rhyme’s interplay would transmit loud and clear
    before Time’s ‘weak~end’ weather may wear away soul’s gleams,
    this theme : ~ that one should never compromise on dreams.

    we learn that far too late my friend, far too late, but you know? there really is no never..



    thank you..


  • Night Hope gold member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Eyes which advanced one Wednesday upon emotions’ tide
    to woo, to win, together, as groom to beauty bride,
    felt joys would last for ever, like strawberries and cream,
    still hope sap strong can't sever eternity from dreams."

    I chose this one, since I am a "Wednesday's child". (What day of the week were you born on, my Friend???) What beautiful flow to such a well~lived life, dear Scribe. How very profound of you. You are phenomenal, you know. Liza will enjoy this elegant penning, I'm sure. I know I did. Wanda


  • Mr Majenta gold member
    April 24, 2008

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    i like it, i had this vision of life just changing before my eyes. amazingly you broke away from using the seasons for the stages, however you did refer to them

    I who on this Saturday sense Winter drawing near,

    it was fun, i enjoyed this


  • 2lullabyhaven
    April 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on your Gold and on your poem and good luck


  • Mezclita
    April 21, 2008

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    Creative! I like the theme: "~" lol... and yes, the feel of it all as a whole too. Thank u for sharing this unique piece <3 Alex


  • nikkia
    April 10, 2008

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    this is a very clever poem, i enjoyed reading it a lot. great vocabulary and imagery. thanks for entering and good luck


  • MissApparition
    April 7, 2008

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    before Time’s ‘weak~end’ weather may blast away soul’s gleams,
    this theme : ~ that one should never compromise on dreams.

    --truly lines to live by...and yet, they are so difficult to do justice. Following ones dreams (and heart) can be the most difficult thing that one will ever do.

    Beautifully written...a small insight in to the world of a multi-faceted poet.


  • Shenanigans
    April 2, 2008

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    What a strange and interesting style you have! At first it threw me off, but once i got into it i was struck by the originality. Great write, and good luck in the contest.

  • James Ether
    March 24, 2008

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    Strong

    Very very strong i liked it a lot, i must say there were a few times where the sylables seemed a little off but thats my OCD for saying them aloud very nice


  • Teresa UK
    December 7, 2007

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    Extraordinary

    Elegant, lush language that fills the air like a song of devotion echoing around a cathedral... interesting thematic use of the days of the week to illustrate a life lived with rich awareness - a classical style which I enjoy and admire yet never dare strive to emulate - always wished to create sublimity in poetic prose! I suspect you are capable of this... thanks to Tender Wolf for leading me here!


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    December 7, 2007

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    Your words are so beautiful and filled with dreams and truths...It is an honor to meet you and thank you so much for sharing you with me


  • icyrose
    November 5, 2007

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    Great poem! I love that you compare life's journey to a week, and in truth life is so short it is a very good metaphor. The flow is absolutely perfect,and everything seems to kiss perfectly with each word.
    I like the message you're trying to send, and your poem is a great way to show it because the imagery conveys a dream-like state.

    Good Luck!


  • ellipsist
    October 14, 2007

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    clever - great organization & arrangement of thoughts, good rhyme scheme great flow/rhythm... very well worded... this is a wonderful piece, and even I, in spite of my lack of fondness for rhyme, a impressed... thank you for entering this piece!


  • sshevak
    September 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Perfection

    I envy your vocabulary and structure, dear...


  • Florida Sunshine
    August 10, 2007

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    Yes yes yes!!! I loved this, the imagery is outstanding! Yes, this was along the same lines... This is a very good write...


  • natchstucco
    July 14, 2007
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    Yes this is a great write

    and mondays child is born with grace...Your interpretation of the week unfolding is a great rival. This is truly worth entering into a book of poetic study. If this is in a contest, it should be a winner.

    that one should never compromise on dreams.

    my favorite line.how we all feel we let ourselves down.


  • frankey
    July 14, 2007

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    I love how you went through the ages with each passing day. This was thouroughly enjoyable and written so well that I hardly noticed it rhyming, such was its subtlety.


  • bloved
    July 11, 2007

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    You really have an impressive story telling skills...pulled me in with the first line.

    Taught me somethibng here

    Thanks for entering


  • Sgt B
    June 30, 2007

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    Very Thought provoking

    I really like the journey you took me on with this one. This reminds me of a true vintage write. In the style of the old. And ending with death on the day of rest was very clever. Good job. Good luck.


  • Blue Rew silver member
    June 30, 2007

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    literary genius...in my humble opinion.
    Strong revelations displayed in an original array of days to phases. To never leave dreams behind because tomorrow may be the thread to combine...
    a very pleasant and positive notion indeed.
    Blue


  • esroddo silver member
    June 28, 2007

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    Outstanding write

    I love the concept of the days of the week to tell a little of your story. That was impressive really. Great talent and very creative. Life is a dream all of it is compriced of dreams. With out them we have nothing. (LISA)
    "who Friday celebrate, see seed to stripling strong
    stretch skywards, never hesitate to sift the right from wrong,
    still equity continue to test through searchlight beams,
    so all may know intact stays flow that feeds tomorrow’s dreams."


  • Mr E
    June 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely dreamy (as intended I'm sure).

    "I who... wish through this rhyme's soft interplay to transmit loud and clear...that one should never compromise on dreams."

    Beautiful. Your rhymes flow effortlessly through this piece and make me remember why I write, a difficult mountain to move. Bravo.

  • SandraMVeinot
    June 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    'Dreamworks'.....

    The imagry is great in this one...and I must come back and read it again....

    alot of time spun here....

    talent for writting novels....

    and there I must end with your own words...

    'tomorrow threads your dreams ...'....

    Thank you for the wonderful read...as always....


  • waydownuponjoy
    January 21, 2007

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    Fantastic ...

    Your style of sharing is so smooth (much like that of the #1 used car salesman who can convince you that you need what (s)he's providing and yet so full of imaginative renderings that I find much pleasure in mining through your works. This one was a pleasure to read and while it seemed to be more personal it still offered me food for thought and a glimpse into another way of viewing a week spread out! Reminded me of a course I attended called "ECL" (experience compression laboratory) which at the time I found a bit bizarre but as my days pass it becomes more functional in my mind. Thanks for posting this one, joy


  • imperfectperfection
    January 1, 2007
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    Beautiful Journey of Life

    Very well written piece with flawless flow & wise tone. In one poem you have taken us to the entire journey of life from Monday to Sunday. Simple words that makes it easily understood and more appreciated piece that is whole. Very Beautiful indeed!


  • B Simon Fitzgerald
    December 13, 2006

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    WONDERFUL

    This poem really spoke to me! It's also really influencial! It makes me want to write write write!!! Thank you for the great read, and please keep it up. I'm going to put you as one of my favorites, because I really love this poem write here.

    The fluidity is so right on! No chops, no awkward pauses. It also shows the phases of life and people themselves!

    Thank you for writing such a piece of art!

    -B Simon Fitzgerald

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