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Alien world

Into this alien world you’ve stepped
Not knowing what awaited
Silently you crept, wondering
how long before you’ll be desecrated

Alien forms surround you
Watching from the heights
How can this awful thing be true
Even on this horrid night

Some forms seem part human
But with lurid additions
Others totally unhuman
Be still don’t give away your position

Drowning in this sea of green
Putrid in it’s essence
The company surrounding is obscene
Shining in horrid Phosphorescence

Hide me while I slip away
Back to where it was that I came from
Please don’t let me become their prey
What’s happening here I feel so numb

Too late I’m here to stay
Yet not as a kingly feast
I’m changing to my dismay
Into a horrid beast

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • LadyDementia gold member
    December 9, 2008

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    This is an excellent theme, superbly penned. I do feel tho that its just skimming the surface of darkness. A very well written piece and much enjoyed. Thank you for entering and good luck


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    December 9, 2008

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    I loved the imagery and the descriptive way this was written. However, it seemed to lack the level of darkness, at least for me, that i had hoped for.
    Best of luck to you in the contest and thank you for the entry.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    October 2, 2007

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    thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie


  • opaqueangel
    August 6, 2007

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    Ooooo...this was very interesting. I loved the picture, I loved the style and I loved the over all premise of this piece. Great write and very original. Good luck in the contest.


  • BloodCrusted
    April 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interestingly done.

    I like this sort of stuff. The whole.. weirdness factor is intriguing. Nice imagery!

    Thanks, and good luck!

    -System of Cyanide


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    January 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very chilling! Gosh you write for this picture is great. Wonderful imagination. Good luck in our contest.

    Jeannie and James


  • Norman Crabtree
    January 18, 2007

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    Thank you for entering this in my contest!

    this was a really strong poem, really got into strong description of thie totally foreign world, the ocean.


  • poet2angels gold member
    December 15, 2006

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    excellent!

    Very different for you, Valerie, and wonderful! You are so versatile, and that is a great thing! This shows that you are as great at dark as you are at spiritual and other types! Excellent!
    Lynda


  • nichtmich silver member
    December 12, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Deliciously Wicked

    I wrote a poem along tis line some time back, but not as well as you have done. I hate waking up on an alien planet, don't you Especially when the scales start to appear on your skin (well, that's what mine did, LOL) Lots of imagination, and some really dark, weird images come to mind. The way you kept the twist until Line #20 is GREAT!!! I love surprises at the end. Best wishes in the contest!


    • troyias
      December 12, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      So glad you enjoyed it. I loved the ending too. I wasn't sure what was coming until I got there. then boom it just popped out.

      thanks again.

      *Go with God*

      Valerie


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    December 11, 2006

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    THRILLING

    This sure is a change for you,see i told you ..you could write about anything even monsters.this is pure scary if you let your self get into it which i all was do when i read a poem.


  • Despairkitty
    December 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This was fabulous. I liked this oh so much because of the fact that it is the first I have read of its kind in one of my dark contests. It sticks out because it is a subject that alot of people wouldnt think to write about. Thanks much. Loved it.
    Despair


    • troyias
      December 11, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      So glad you did. It was an interesting write. The picture told the story. I just told the tale.

      Thanks again.

      *Go with God*
      Valerie


  • Desire gold member
    December 11, 2006
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    Wow-

    What a Magnificent verse You have penned my Friend
    Love to read pieces on unknown creatures~
    Raises the hairs to think about it

    Great flow to this one as usual
    Best wishes to You in the contest!
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • December 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    EWW


  • December 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    IT WAS KINDA GOOD NOT REALLY THAT PICTURE NEEDS TO GO I AM A PUNK I KNOW

1 - 17 of 17