From hands of Greats, I'm flung to find
the reasons for those who resign.
I know that few in time define
a skipping stone with pure design.
I wish I was a skipping stone,
upon the brilliant pond of mind;
I’d sparkle, skip, and sail alone
upon lagoon my talent thrown.
I have admired stones that skip
across the pond with softer clip;
Instead of those that splash and flip
those quick to dive are damned to slip.
Some Greatness runs in some alone
the brilliant mind is one unknown
despite the bounce and rippling tone
we sink no matter how we’re thrown.
A contest entry
- Give me your best ! by vasi.
700 points, ended March 10, 2007, 123 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give a real critique, pull out all the stops.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I can see why one would consider this as one of their best.
Beautifully written. I really enjoyed the repeating themes.
John
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you have a unique sense of satire in your poetry; but i have a feeling it could be a lot better if you developed it. this poem has good flow, metaphors, and expression of emotion.
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I have to use that same words as someone used below, brilliant writing. I mean that sums it up right there. Be sure to message me for your score, include the name of your poem. Thanks bye.
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A tremendous piece
Brilliant writing. Very sharp and clever. I like the imagery and the thought that went into this. Keep writing, my friend.
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I like it. Ilike the comparison as well
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IAMBIC EXISTS
Wonderful approach to iambic tetrametre, it was a powerful tone of form and classic poetry.
The one line I find off-stress however is :
I have admired stones that skip -- missing an extra syllable there.
Maybe :
I have admired those stones that skip.!!
(My opinion).
This poem is a question of diffirence -- a wonder of being able to splash where others have not, to hit the very glimmering part of the pool of mind (with the term (mind) being the ultimate goal).
Then again -- you place a witty statement in the end, a twisted truth, or is it an unwanted fact.
That we all no matter how strong we become, no matter how elegant and sparkling we become, no matter how wonderful we spash and find greatness....
The end comes to all (death or failure be it as it is).
(I may be wrong, or off track, but these were my own interpetations, hope to know if I have hit even a glimpse of the idea -- because your poem was quite thought-provoking yet enjoyable to me as well).
Dear one, you have earned my respect.
Raven Dark.
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The flow to this write is really good, it's almost happy, it's almost jazzy. I read along and I wasn't sure if I was reading or singing in my head. But about the writing/words themselves: the meaning stands true for alot of people in the world.
Good job. -
Excellent!
Well I read this through twice and I really enjoyed it. You have a way with words that keeps the reader interested and involved line after line. I especially liked the second stanza, "I’d sparkle, skip, and sail alone upon lagoon my talent thrown." You did a great job of keeping the metaphor consistent throughout the poem as well. Perfect punch at the end of the last stanza, it really sums it up. Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing!
-Sarah
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Interesting concept: comparing life to skipping stones. In trying to understand this, I take when you say "those quick to dive are damned to slip" that those of us who take more chances than others are just as doomed to fail as the rest of us. The last line hits the hardest: it doesn't matter what impact we make in this world, we still all face death. I hope I have understood this poem as you intended.
The rhyme scheme worked except for the second line in stanza two that doesn't rhyme with the rest of the stanza, I don't know if that was intentional.
But excellent write nonetheless!
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i think over pretty good. slightly complex in ryhming scheme. but the ending line was damn good.
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