into dark daylight fades
so i pull the blinds and close the shades
do i feel good, or does it hurt too much
it's a longing and i yearn for that touch
i can't help it, but my eyes are glued to the wall
my mind's like a gypsy and i can't stop thinking at all
so thoughts roam my mind, like dogs in heat
and i try find a way to make the ends meet
as the darkness bleeds into the day
i wonder why i punish myself this way
my mind spirals through anguish and such torment
sometimes it can't be held in and i often ruin the moment
so i eat the monkey for dinner tonight
maybe because i come from the land of perpetual twilight
you say you want to be free from your breaking heart
maybe one day you'll find freedom like a shopping cart
but i've already made my own fate
and have become nothing more than a host for hate
so i'm staring out a window at a past i don't recognize
because words make both truths and lies
but simple things we try to complicate
and you are the last person that i want to hate
so i think about time on hold, a life delayed
as you went on your crystal crusade
we could never share anything, not even this town
you say you love me so much, so don't hold me down
my body's like a fountain gushing confusion
as i try to wade through your ocean of delusion
this world and the next, i feel i'm stuck inbetween
i saw my name on a little cross on the side of the road in a dream
i feel like i have a hand me down soul
i can no longer fight it, so i let the tears roll
but you decide you can love me better, so i let you
i rush in and hope that these words are true
and you want to know what's inside my head
you say you can handle it, but breakdown instead
i can't lock you out, because you already have the keys
and you're the only one who can purge my soul of this disease
to meet me how far from yourself would you stray
because i'm so lost and i'm so far away
thinking about broken time, and moments i've missed
busy with my favorite past time, watching this carcass twist
Author notes
mylee
A contest entry
- I'm alone......are you? by movedon.
700 points, ended November 25, 2008, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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re read contest rules or this poem will be auto DQ'd
Mylee -
hmm. i feel like im breaking the rules and reading your journal. your pin flows so easily. with how deep and personnal it all is, we dont notice how well it rythms. Heart breaking
thinking can be so exhausting. love the last two lines. And- maybe you'll find freedom like a shopping cart. cruel way to find freedom. wouldnt you say.
Bravo P.
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amazing. i love the line about the handmedown soul. it is all so beautiful. the rythem is perfect and intense. i love your work. it inspires me. it is harsh ans raw and beautiful and painfull. it is truly amazing.
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Pretty good... but some of your imagery doesn't make sense
"cuz my mind's like a gypsy and i can't stop thinking at all
so thoughts roam my mind, like dogs in heat"
"so i eat the monkey for dinner tonight"
"maybe one day you'll find freedom like a shopping cart" - this one could be made understandable (or at least meaningful) by using 'abandoned shopping cart'
Overall, a nice poem; though it grew weak towards the end - starting to babble a bit. -
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the first two lines in question are how our minds like to wander, epecially in hard times. and the monkey is another word for alcohol. and the last line in question. one of the girls this is about shops all the time. so much that she often finds herself with no more money for the important stuff. so it has a dual meaning, cuz one day she'll end up a bag lady pushing a shopping cart.
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Great!!
Wow this is amazing. I felt I was emotionally involved in the poem every line, anxiously awaiting the next. You certainly have a way with words. I almost felt as if these lines were lyrics, they had a certain musical feel to them. You hooked me right from the beginning. Wonderful job, keep writing!
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Good
Like reading thoughts from your mind as they come to you...spilled onto the page for us to consume. It feels as if you are hoping letting someone see all of you is not going to be too much, but it is too late, you have already let them in. This was really a good write and my pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing. ~Tia
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Fan-Flippin-Tastic
I loved it. You have so much talent that i'm just in awe of how wonderful this is. At first I thought certain lines were pretty sparatic but the more i read it the more i understood and it all came together very well. I had written another comment just a moment ago but i pressed a few buttons and erased it all! it was far better then this one. Please continue writing for the sake of humanity...and find a publisher
Madison
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