Take my hand and save me;
please don't let me die tonight.
Just swallow the silence that picks our fate,
and force me to look into your eyes.
Your love can be my tourniquet;
rescue me from this deadly blade.
Your kiss breathes life into me,
but you must hurry before I fade.
I promise I won't do this again;
every scar just bleeds regret.
The letters in my thigh spell 'disaster'
and that's exactly what this is.
You wrap your arms around me,
as you try to keep me warm.
My lips are turning blue,
and my life is growing short.
Hopeless sobs escape your lungs
as my blood mixes with your tears.
I curl my fingers around yours,
and you tell me this was your biggest fear.
You beg me to stay,
and curse god for this selfish tragedy.
You shake me until you know it's too late,
and you realize what you must do.
Taking the blade, dripping with failure,
you carve my initials into your wrists.
Your blood forms a river around your limp body,
as you meet the death you could no longer resist.
♥
A contest entry
- .:.My Hero.:. Dark Writes... by Dead Hair.
525 points, ended September 30, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DARK SHTUFF by Cassie fai lume.
300 points, ended November 1, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - suicide poems that don't suck by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 1, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Damn. You managed to work love into what would be a chilling poem alone. great work.
O.X
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The lasts stanza is by far the best in the poem, a haunting picture that was well painted.
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Wow
Great piece!!! a great love poem and yet so dark...i love it. you did a great job! thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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this iss soo good i like it a lot i can relate to it and iss has such a great meaning,
~in love in death -
This is absolutely incredible...I'm rendered speechless.
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yea. this is an awesome poem. so sad, yet so amazing i loved it!
xo
kandy
good luck in my contest -
Holy hell, this is awsome, exactly what I was looking for, the darkness of love being lost, the darkness of love's extent, of which it led to death, but because of love.
This is great, and I'm glad someone was able to post something like this in my contest.
Thank you for entering my contest, good luck.
Blood Magick -
beautiful! this definatly left an impression on me!
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I'm lovin it :)
Great poem. i feel you. my favorite stanza was, "Your love can be my tourniquet;;
rescue me from this deadly blade.
Your ((kiss)) breathes life into me,
but you must hurry before I fade."
Great job. i loved it.
-AkaBaki
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This is really good.
It has a lot of pain in it. I really enjoyed reading this, but, I'm not really a fan of the extra things that you used to surround certain words, such as arrows, and periods seperating each letter in a word.
Great work,
Thank you for entering,
And
Best of luck. -
heart-wrenching
This poem puts an image of Romeo and Juliet into my mind - a classic tale which, in my opinion, will never die. I could feel myself about to burst into tears as I read the last few stanza's. My favourite has to be:
'You wrap your arms around me,
as you try to keep me warm.
My [lips] are turning blue,
&& my life is growing short.'
From there on, it really pulls at the heartstrings. The last line is also very effective - it creates such a vivid image in my mind. Keep writing - you have a gift. Thank you for commenting on my work also.
~K
xx
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REALLY good
I really like this. It's so...deep, and I can relate to it also. I really like it. It's great. Really good job, keep it up : ]
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This was a good write. The line your love can be my tourniquet was awsome, I really liked how you applied it to this. If you desired you could even use that line to write a prequel to this poem, like a 2 parter. I think you could definately manage it and I would be waiting in line to read it. A good job my friend.
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Wow, this is awesome. I've only read two of your works so far, but I love them both. Absolutely amazing imagery, form, etc, etc...
Loved it. Keep them coming.
Omega_x
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Hey, i Love this poem. THis poem is so deep. I think this might be my favorite poem by ya yet. maybe
well, I just wanted to comment on your poem. since I didnt say much about it in second block. well, <3 ya like a sis
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Fucking Great
I'm speechless Jaders, I love it<3
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Wow. This is GREAT. I can just see this in my mind. Great job! Keep up the killer work, keep on writing, and take care!
~Princess of Shadows~
PS: I'm adding this to my bookmarks
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