It is cold and dark tonight
I don't know if I will make till sunrise
No water, no food, no rest for days
Lost and alone in this sanded haze
The rockets and bombs I can still hear
From the enemy troops I assume are near
Defending my country, I came and fought here
Now, soon my loved ones will face their greatest fear
I look at the sky and notice a light
Is this it? Will this be my end tonight?
I say a prayer while reflecting upon my past
My God! I am ready to meet you at last
It's midnight and the light is brighter than before
I close my eyes and forfeit this war...
That's all I remember
from that 25th of December
The light was not my end
It was a helicopter bringing me mend
A contest entry
- December New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended January 8, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
This is so fabulously heartfelt and well done. I really appreciate the fact that you took a totally unexpected route with this one. You have a very thoughtful poem here. And while I am here, let me say that I hope you find us a helpful and friendly place for posting all of your creative works. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact any greeter here.
♥ Touchof1der -
I love the topic that you chose for this piece, I think you've created a wonderfully creative use for your title. Through the beginning it seems so bleak and defeated, before that twist of light and hope at the end, picking the reader back up.
The only thing I would like to touch on here is the flow of the piece. Though your lines rhyme, they feel choppy in places and over extended in others. Pay close attention to rythmn and syllable stresses when cutting your lines. One or two extra sounds being put in or taken out can make a huge world of difference.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece here with us.
jamie
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This is a very interesting poem and you introduce some good imagery in this piece.
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Welcome to allpoetry. This is well written, very different though Thanks for taking the time.. New year wisehs and Merry Christmas
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I really liked this.. a write with meaning..feeling and so well written out. It sets a certain mood..vividly... thank you for entering the contest.
best of luck to you and welcome to AP
~Kristy -
this is a good piece of poetry i find which you have written here with some style, it holds a nice gentle rhythm to the poem and the flow is very nice indeed. i thank you very much indeed for sharing your poetic talent. i enjoyed reading it. i wish that you have good luck in the contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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OMG that was awsome so deep of words and so little of pre writting.. very nice i'll read more of youre work ♥ kimmy
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Very deep poem and arising a lot of further thoughts-thats what poetry should do-ask and give the reader a chance to think about his life and perhaps find an answer-this poem does what it promises-great job. this was very enlightening.This is an exceptionally well-written with wonderful flow that adds greatly to the power of your words.
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Heartfelt!!
Oh dear poet, this is really a special write with such tribute to the anguish that are suffered in the military. I applaud you writing this. I assume that this might be your own experience?? or not?? Nevertheless, I love the structure and the rhyme seems not forced. Keep penning and welcome to AP. Best of luck in the contest.
Nanette
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I agree this poem is really well written! I really like it! Where'd you get the idea for this poem? It's sad and moving! Your poems are far more better than mines. *Sigh* then again I'm only 13, it's going to be a long time till I'm good at writing poems! But your poems are really great to read! Well I'm off to read more of your poems! Take care and keep up the good work! My favourite lines were "The rockets and bombs I can still hear
From the enemy troops I assume are near
Defending my country, I came and fought here
Now, soon my loved ones will face their greatest fear"
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Christmas realilty
It's another Christmas and there is still no "peace on earth and good will toward men." This is a sad reality, so true for many. Thanks for sharing this poignant piece. -
...timely at this point in the ages...
I applaud the compassion and creativity that thread this piece. The lines reveal to the reader what makes for a near-death experience involving war.
It needs tweaking for polish and to revere this wonderful poem that could generate much thought!
Thank you for sharing and welcome to the site.
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This is sensational, a terrible perspective of war, but written in such an amazing way. I love the imagery you have provided... wonderful from beginning to end. Congrats on a wonderful write
Karen -
This is one heartfelt write in times when so many families across the globe will spend their first christmas with that empty chair and silence no laughter just silent tears I read thses lines and thought of all the people throughout our violent history of this world who spent their christmas in this situation of wondering if they'll make it through the night. This is a christian thing i know but for those who do not follow this faith have a time within their faith and it is not different for them. We just judge by the standards of our own cultures. Thank you for this post I believe you presented many thoughts for the reader to ponder. To top it off a well presented and crafted poem. good luck in the contest.*rose8
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It's a sad sad fact that many soldiers will be facing enemy fire this time of year
This is an awesome piece; thank you for sharing and for being a part of the contest! Welcome to AP!!! -
This is a very good peice a different way to use the title which was good i enjoyed reading this very nice
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