As riding in my convertible
I was merrily singing a song
Nothing in particular just listening to the radio
Watching closely to the speed limit
Just cruising along
My hair was flying
Sunglasses of mine
Touching my eyes’ frame
Cool I was looking
In my summer dress, just cruising along
Long journey through the desserts of Arizona
Beautiful dunes & long patches of warm sands
Little cactuses on the road side
In all peace & silence was heard
As I smiled, remembering what would I do
When I reach to be with the love of my life!
In front of my car, a little creature jumped
Immediately I slammed on my breaks
Slowly it crossed the road
& off I was to go
But wait! The car is making funny noise
What are these jerks?
Then, dead halt
The car now refuses to start!
Ignition cries as I force the keys inside
The tank is full, the breaks are fine
What then happened?
Puzzled, sun is spitting hot wrath
As I stand on the border of dry land
No car to be seen
Not even a cop I so never want to see
But today I won’t mind an encounter with a policeman
I stand there burning under the sun
For now car the car keys will not even take one turn
So I could pull up the convertible roof all the way to the screen
I wait & wait & wait some more!
I look in my watch & it’s dead
Stuck on the noon 12th hour
All alone, the brutal hot winds
Blow to my face all the rough sand
Oops! I dropped my keys on the ground
I bent down & dropped my shades
Stumbled over a rock & broke them to pieces
From afar distance, I hear a roar
Alerted I turn around and see
Didn’t find any other soul
The sound got louder & louder
Breaking the cruel silence
Gushing through the streams of Arizona sand
Cutting through the hot winds
Instinctively I start to walk slower
As if strolling without any fear
Rrrroom Roar rrrooom roar
I’ve walked almost 4 miles
Ended up near the dusty gas station
Sigh of relief, I gasped & went in
Through the latch less door
Hello, any one there?
Cling cling cling! The sound I heard
It was an old man’s iron stick he had
Yes my dear what can I do for you, he said
I told him my plead
Even before him I cried
Asked him about the sound
In return he responded
Cling! Cling! Cling! Slowly walked away
As I starred standing behind
No answer, I yelled!
I then left, saying never mind
Through the broken door
Back fighting the strong winds
On my face, the slaps of gushing sand
On the rough beauty of Arizona land.
Rrrroom Roar rrrooom roar
The sound is back, only this time with stronger roar
I finally saw the masked sound
A black car jammed halted right before my eyes
Away on the road side, few steps down from where I stood
I sparingly ignore, as I was scared
My heart went out of my hands
My legs refused to stride
Damn! I’d left my car way back
I reach for my hand bag for my cell phone
There is no network
Never giving up attitude, I try & try again
But now the phone is dead
I walked for few miles, cautious
I see on the curvy barren road
Sudden dark clouds
Hovered around covering the skies
Tick! Tick! Tip! Tip! It started to rain
Drizzle only but it wasn’t helping.
Bam! It poured
I was drenched cold
The lighting struck cracking chills through my spine
I turn back, I see the black car near me
Keeping distance as if watching me
Wroom Wroom! Roaring sound is increasing
Fighting the lighting only to win
And the car wins. The rain pours without lighting
I quiver, I shiver, as the drops lets trickle down my skin
The winds are chilling my stoned bones
As I stand walking petrified
I stop and shout what do you want? Tell me!
I don’t need any help, leave me alone!
The sound of roar
Now I hear even louder & clearer
It came with vengeance
Wroom & it stopped right next to me
Fixated vision
Summer dress soaking, clinging to my skin
I stand still, bolted to the ground
On the rough Arizona ground
The window cracks letting the sound of music pass
Through the chilling winds into my frozen ears
The song I last listened to before my car went dead
No other voice, but the cruel roar
As the peddle slams inside ignited car
The ignition is on, as thunderous rain
Pours down the windshield and off on the ground
The summer dress soaked
Shaping my tender body
Accentuating all the curves
On a nerve wrecking day in dead Arizona
The window cracks further down, half way down
The sound of music is jamming
The word I knew of my favorite song were now long forgotten
Slower the window slithered down
Louder the sound of my favorite song on
The window is all the way down
Bare naked in the air
Inside the running car
I slowly bow down on my knees
Oh god! Please don’t do this to me!
Wroom! Wroom! Roaring Sound got louder and louder
Deafening my ears
Roar Roar! The sound was now loud & clear
For now I stand to see….
Suddenly freezing, Puff, all my senses left me
All alone on this barren Arizona land
Author notes
For I now stand to see...you tell me.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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fabulous
wow! talk about a tale right from the twilight zone! i thought i was reading a movie script! this story just captures you and holds you til the end, just like those old shows use to. you did a fantastic job with this and the imagery is wonderful. i felt each breath of wind, each drop of rain....you are so talented its amazing!!! keep it up! keep it up!! God bless you
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Thank You Ms. Debilynn!
Thank you so much for taking time to stop by and enjoy reading it. I really appreciate your thoughful and encouraging comment and always love the smiling applaud. Thanks a lot for your time and fabulous comment again.
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Beautiful imagery, I wish I were driving like this right now! The only problem that I find with this piece is that some of the phrasing is a bit awkward. For instance, "As I smiled, remembering what would I do
When I reach to be with the love of my life!"
Doesn't really make sense. It might sound better if you said something along the lines of...
"As I smiled, I knew what I would do / When I reached my love"
There were also a few grammatical/spelling errors such as "Watching closely speed limit" and "My hair were flying." These could be changed to "Watching closely to the speed limit" and "my hair was flying" or "my hair flying."
Also, deserts is spelled without two "s"'s in the middle. Desserts = ice cream and cake!
Overall, I like this style of writing--stream of consciousness, I believe it could be called (a lesson in romanticism from school). I love the lines "The lighting struck cracking chills through my spine
I turn back, I see the black car near me"
because of all the assonance.
Keep up the good work!!! : -
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Thanks lightlikefeathers
Thank you for wonder absolutely fabulous comment. I love when someone takes pain to read the long poem, enjoy it & find lurking mistakes. Thank you so much for you rencouragement & I really appreciate your pointing mistake and helping me become a better poet & help the poem become better. Thanks again for your time.
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I love the story, it really brings you along. It was long-but I couldn't stop reading! Great write!!
~WU
PS-Is that roar supposed to represent something?
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Thanks again WU
Thanks for taking time to read my long poem Well roar is the sound of car without silencer. It amakes loud roaring sound, nothing else. I'm glad you enjoyed reading and thanks for lovvely comment & got to love the smiling applaud. Thanks again.
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Very nice
Very nice write i like ho you used sounds and everything
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Thanks ButterflyKisses
I love to use the realistic sounds & I think it gives alittle flavor to suspense. hehehe. Thanks hun for stopping by and leaving such nice comment with yahooing applaud. Thanks again.
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BRILLIANT
Now this is creepy, more my kind of writing. lolol. I thought the imagery and the build up to the ending was brilliant. DO NOT LEAVE US IN SUSPENSE, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? HAHAHAHAH
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Thanks Wayne!
Thanks so much for stopping by to read and unfold the suspense. hehehehe. What happended next....keep imagining hehehehe wicked me...I love the roses, the smiley & the yahooing applauds. Simply love them all. Thanks so much for the encouragement.
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this was a great poem i liked it.
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Thanks babe!
Thanks for stopping by again and I'm so gald you enjoyed reading it. I love your smiling applauds. Thanks for your time hun. Hope you are feeling good
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this reminds me of a movie i saw on scfi where this black car was going around killing ppl, i never saw the end so i didn't know if there was someone in it or if it drove on it own, but this kind of inspired me to write my own story, keep it flowing
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Hey you're back Again!
It's hard to catch up with you
hehehe But thanks for stopping by again, I really appreciate you rencouragment like always & the way you are ahead of the game of reading my poem, I'm running out of words to express my gratitude to you. You're killin me hehehe, but don't stop! I really appreciate your time & just hope it's worthy of your time.
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Great poem! Very well written. I came back from the wedding! Very tired so I'm sorry if my comment isn't very long! But good job as always! Take care!
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Hey Silly Billy! Welcome Back!
Thanks hun I understand you're tired, In fact I wasn't even expecting you to come back on line today! Thanks still now I can sleep well! Go to bed & take rest sweetheart. I'll always be around for you, so just go paly, talk to your dad, or go to bed, study, do homework. Go have fun! Thanks for reading my poem still. Gotta luv you my sweet angel!
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This was really great. I pictured it in my head, kind of like a weird movie or something. Very good though. It had such imagery to it. I absolutely loved it. Great job with this. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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Thanks AmericanGirl
Thanks Hun for taking time to read and enjoying it too. I appreciate you stopping by and leaving such a wonderful encouraging comment & your smiling applaud!
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I really enjoy reading each and every one of your poems. They are all like little stories. The imagery here is astonishing. I could just picture the whole scene of the car being stuck. The watch at the noon hour. The black car.The old man at the gas station. The suspense in the poem was awesome wonderful. It is like three stories in one.I like your notes, because it's asking the reader to interpret the ending. Your poems are long but they are interesting. So that is a plus. I also agree they are easy to read and understand. Keep up the good work. Which I know you will.
~Snappy~ -
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Thanks my Friend Doodles!
Thanks hun for stopping by and enjoying reading my poem. I love your uplifting messages, they make my day and night. Snappy you are talented poet & I'm always honored to get a comment as wonderful as you are from a respected poet like you. Thanks Snappy for wonderful words & your time!
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very nice ;
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Thanks Lorien!
Thanks hun for reading and enjoying it. Thanks for leaving a cute nice message. It's an encouragement I'll cherish. Thanks Sweetie.
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Sounds like something out of the Twilight Zone - very surreal and filled with imagination - lots of vivid images, senses involved a lot in these lines - interesting story. Easy to read and understand as well. Good flow and interesting tale you share.
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Thanks Ms. Grannyeri
Thank you so much for stopping by and it's always an honor to hear from you. Thanks so much for your uplifting comment & beautiful encouragement. I love it! Thanks again for your time and I'm glad you like my poem. Thank you!
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