Dear God I Need To Die

I am grappling on tenterhooks,
I am discouraged, distraught, depressed,
I can't see what I am living for,
This is anybody's guess.

I know Christmas is upon us,
This loneliness too tough to bear,
I have found it nigh impossible,
As there is no one for me out there.

Alone for near half-decade, now,
I weep a lot, many tears,
This solitude -a death unto itself,
Its ugly head constantly rears.

I can not find an answer,
To this bother, this hassle, this chore,
Of living out such a pointless life,
Dear God, what am I here for?

I see nothing to look forward to,
No one to help me on this way
To happiness, this is one big myth,
As I wake to face each awful day.

Sick of people up my ass,
The needy, the weak, the demanding;
I feel God has left me in this Hell,
Of which there is no understanding.

I keep praying for a miracle, for
In this tunnel there is no light,
They say God is with you every step,
While nothing seems good or right.

I've been"up" and feel so "down,"
The "downs" outweigh the good,
I'll keep praying for my immortal soul,
To feel more like it should.

I want so badly to give up,
I do not understand why
This horror continues, keeps getting worse,
Dear God, I need to Die!