Thoughts are the spirit in space
searching for the dance of
everlasting release
Thoughts are fire flies
numbed
in pale wax of mute minutes
frozen on edges
of my mind
Thoughts that glow like homebound sun
are thoughts of you
and you alone
glinting on reflecting mirrors
deep in my dark eyes
Thoughts
you write are epics
on deserts
of my thirsty thoughts
what you spell as anonymous
are stories like familiar geese on winters trails,dotted
Thoughts I gather in open cages of my soul
crave the light
of free horizons
thoughts are creepers
Fingers wanting to explore
doors and windows down your mind
Thoughts I dream are pillows of white peace
melting into ghosts in soft shrouds
Thoughts I love are You just You
invading me
filling spaces
obliterating all other thoughts for ever more
Anji
A contest entry
- Freeverse Galore by OurxBeginning.
2800 points, ended May 24, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Makes me think of memes, good piece
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This piece holds so much beauty, it honestly does. The imagery is just outstanding. My favourite stanza has to be this one:
"Thoughts are fire flies
numbed
in pale wax of mute minutes
frozen on edges
of my mind"
It reminds me of fire flies getting stuck in wax, unable to move. I liked that part a lot.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
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These phrases are awesome, I did not dissect each thought but allowed them to stream and fly through my mind in the lovely rhythm you have created. Well done.
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"you spell as anonymous are stories like familiar geese on winters trails" these two lines make no sense. sound, but some of your word choices are not in tune with the theme of this piece. Take your time and go over this poem (read it out loud, better still have someone else read it out loud), and take in the flow and the meaning of your phrases and I'm sure you can improve this piece immensely. All the components for a good poem are here ...you must enhance them and let the story flow by imagery and the proper use of impact words.
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Ah this is superb, really different. I like the words you use together it brings great imagery and the overall message/feeling was powerful too. A great way of explaining something we all go through at some point in our lives, imo!
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What a lovely journey through thought! I agree with Eternal Devotion's comment about the structure.
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Glinting on reflected mirrors of my dark eyes. Very poetic in all lines but I loved this one the best.
Smile,
Judy
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Very interesting
You caught the idea of your piece very well. There wasn't anything that I didn't like about the words used to describe this idea. However to make this flow better and less awkward I have a suggestion. I would take line 11 and divide it up into three seperate lines, break it after (thoughts), then again after (anonymous). That would help I think. Let me know what you think. Emotionally I felt the essence of what a persons thoughts could be and the execelent way they were portrayed in this piece. I found it a very interesting read overall. The title and first lines are the same and as such have captured the essnce of the poem very well. What a perfectly beautiful ending the last sentence was for this poem. I enjoyed this very much.
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Thanks a million .I have tried to restructure as you suggested .I hope I did it right .Thanks for helping and commenting .
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Far Out
I really liked this piece, and I really liked how it ended; I've seen some very good ending poems here at Allpoetry lately! How much are our thoughts a part of us, or we part of our thoughts ourselves: a question of the spirit and its effect on the body, or visa versa, plus how the world factors in. Your ending can be judged to factor in all three, if you get what I mean: Far Out ¦:¬) Sincerely, Tony
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Very nice
SO nice Anji. The metaphors are fantastic with woderful imagery. You have improved in your poetry so much over the last year I would hardly have known it was yours. I liked them all but this is very good dear friend.
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