Your love was deadly like -forbidden fruit
Making the strongest man -stumble
You were always at the peak of your performance
It's almost -mechanical how you took me to my limits
Never faltering
My mind stayed on the clock
So I could rush home from work without -haste
To have you can do that thing that no other woman could do
You were -phenomenal and you knew it
Maybe that's why you became -shallow
It's not enough that I took care of you very well finacially,
I had to fight for your attention
Did you know how that made me feel
And now, something has changed you
I can tell by your -contenance
But you won't talk to me
The only thing you say is "I won't believe,
I wont believe"
I know you suffered some sort of -affliction,
But I can't tell by your face
It is so -opaque
What happened to you
I have -agonized over this for the last time
I just came by to tell you, I leaving you
I thought you should know
She is a -poet
She has that same innocent -charm that you had when we first met
I think that's what drew me to her
I think you would like her
Maybe I could bring her by to meet you one day
Anyways
I still miss you
I wish you would have just let me help you
I'm sorry
I have to go
I love you
Goodbye
Author notes
This is my first word bank poem...I hope you like it.
A contest entry
- Word Bank Affairs #2 by BleedingKittii.
375 points, ended December 25, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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sad, but very well done
well written, the flow and vocabulary was right on, felt the emotions in it, and really makes one look at there life to make sure they don't make the same mistake, relationships only work if both sides put a 100 percent into it, well done on the word bank too. -
Awww chiefy again much emotion/love/heartbreak in here..i felt it all..i do believe that i found an error though..
I just came by to tell you, I leaving you--> (I'm?)
this was simply amazing..i loved it all but these parts really jumped out at me..
Your love was deadly like -forbidden fruit
Making the strongest man -stumble
You were always at the peak of your performance
It's almost -mechanical how you took me to my limits
--> i don't wanna sound shallow or anything but women know that they posess this power..but do we all use it to kill? or is it a grace that flows from within?
(just a thought)
I think you would like her
Maybe I could bring her by to meet you one day
Anyways
I still miss you
I wish you would have just let me help you
I'm sorry
I have to go
I love you
Goodbye
----> wow chiefy..i've heard this alot..too much..just thank god i won't be hearing this directed at me for quite some time (hopefully)
I loved this and i wish you the best of luck in the contest!!!.
-sae-
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Very good job for a first with a word bank. It did not seem forced or easy to tell it was one, therefore you did it well. A wonderful write of how love dies for reasone often unknown. How one is left feeling so empty they search for it elsewhere. Nice flow and deep words of truth.
Great job!
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ok the first thing that pops into my mind is what did this bitch do and how can I do it too. lol I want my man to rush home!
o but shallow isn't good now is it?
wow now that is a definite good bye!
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Ah, so you used 12 of the 20 words. Very well written for your first word bank poem. Impressive. You incorporated the words almost effortlessly it seems and made everything sound so natural. A drawing tale of betrayal...I enjoyed this. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!
~Kittii
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