He sniffs alot
sat in the lounge
in detox-
nursing his broken teeth
aching, bones brittle
back breaking, he carries his albatross
with his room-key dangling from his scrawny neck
His heart unfurls
bruised and battered, his belief system
in tatters- he finally begins to talk
through frosted glass-eyes filled with bitters
- how bitter the taste
of his beloved addiction
the only friend he's known
for 19 years
Now, he ponders upon his daily chores
his existance marked by man
distaster and drugs
How he courted this fetid romance
sent shards of black petals
from the rose of his insanity
He picked up everyday
the only thoughts
to dig temptation
till tomorrow cut-
cut the sting of the burden
Author notes
life in detox is hard
In a list
A contest entry
- : Paper-cliche by AJ Morelli.
800 points, ended December 13, 2006, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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says it like it is.....you rise and fall......and rise and fall........intervals vary....its never the same.....its almost the same......its always different....hurts just as much........the challenge of recovery.......from life.....whatever it may be .....you are right is hard.........best, radical
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i think i know who wrote this, is that fair...lol
wonderful piece and a definite contender here...
al -
I can only imagine the heartbreak you must experience there daily. I don't know if I could really handle it...they go through hell there, and you help make it feel a bit less like hell. I'm proud of you.
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thank you sweetheart...
i'm proud of you too.. in many ways
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Wow, this certainly drew me in, in a way a poem hasn't done in a while, I love the use of the albatross, I can hardly imagine what detox would be like, but have some understanding of this sort of pain. You write with masterful strokes dear one
Congrats on a wonderful piece
Karen
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interesting raunchy and real
You've nailed consquences of drug addition squarely on the head. Addiction is a vile demon that is devil driven and relentlessly pursues ones soul until it has whittled ones integrity and esteem to less than nothing. Your words capture the hopelessness of their circumstances and give it a face. No one experimenting with drugs can envision the spiraling out of control inabilty to cope with the cravings accompaning drug abuse. I recently posted two poems that will interest you, directly related to what you've posted here.( Waltz with the devil and A life reserrected) Check them out and let me know what you feel. Thank you for sharing, Rudolf
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Very Great Write.
This was an awesome write. I really like the way you paint a picture with your words. I had a friend that went through detox and it was very hard on him. Again great write. I hope to read more of your work very soon.
Luke -
"through frosted glass-eyes filled with bitters"
My favorite line.
A rare view from the inside. Excellent realism here!
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He sniffs alot
sat in the lounge
in detox-
nursing his broken teeth
aching, bones brittle
back breaking, he carries his albatross
Damn but this piece was fuckin' brilliant. Gurl, you are spot-on with this one...from the opening lines to that slicing ending, this one roared like only harsh whispers can.
Yeah. This one's a keeper.
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Thank you for your account of a persons life in detox. Sounds pretty difficult.You went into a lot of detail here. Made a lot of descriptive words. I found this to be a very well put together poem which is clear and uderstandable. Thanks for sharing.
Snappy
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I know that you deal with this but the way you have written it, allows us to see it too...
you are brilliant chill.
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Yea.. bookbookbook
I love this.. it is so un-hollywood, well.. of course it is. But it is refreshing to see it, that it's not all glitter and fairylights..
mm
jess-x -
and such is a life with thoughts too swollen to absorb what could be made of a life outside the safety of such walls ... somehow i found a lot to relate to in this piece hun .... very well done
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This poem really stirred the branches of my heart, made them quiver. This poem has a nice natural gentle flow. I definitely wasn't expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. Your wording was excellent. I am glad I read it. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work.
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This one is special because of the individual study- I know how much of a difficulty it is in jobs such as yours to 'go individual' like this. You have painted such a portrait here that this man with his albatross around his neck will walk with me today. I liked the way you said about the key around his neck- the symbolism is small and large with just that line and pervades the whole poem.
Excellent as usual, Gill.
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thank you Stefi... i know you an insight into all of this.. albeit on the periphary .. but close enough to feel the pain and sorrows..
thank you for your kind words my friend.. as always you touch my heart
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Excellent
This is bloody brilliant as ever Gill. You are a master of words, especially lately. This poem reminds me of someone...not too hard to find. Excellent details....too many to point out....broken teeth shards of black petals...excellent.
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- i am honoured by your words Z... you are a true poet yourself and i am often inspired by your wondrous tales and beautiful pieces..
thank you for the lovely critique..
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frosted glass-eyes filled with bitters
that says alcoholic... with a cut in it.. and I love fetid romance.. that's just short of disgusting, in the best possible way..
the words .. disappear into this as if they weren't there at all..
it's not obvious that you 'had' to use them, which makes this work even better for me . ..there's nothing forced.
best of luck ..
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thank you hun... the guy in question is a polyuser.. so he has many *drugs* of choice.. so a combination of withdrawals are hitting him hard..
you've captured the piece so well though.. looking deeper into it.. thank you
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i love how you call this albatross, the whole refrencing another's work yet at the same time making it your own...keep writng
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thank you so much... i'm glad that you enjoyed it..
G.x
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i love the albatross image gill
and the imagery is perfect
thank you for sharing this it is so reminiscent of your understanding and empathy for the souls you work with ~ brilliant!
when IS the book coming out?
elaine
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hehhehhe.... when i'm probably dead and gone... (well, i hope not, i really do need to find some time.. LOLOL time.. to search out the possibilities..??
thank you darling Elaine.. you always make me smile and be thankful that i know you
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