Expectations wooed me to slumber,
volatile lullaby:
the delicate totter of apology rocked the cradle
Vodka-drenched report cards
papered the walls:
cranberry bedroom where innocence lost me
Hush, little baby, don't say a word;
Mama's gonna make you a mockingbird:
sing the boys to sleep, she said
and I did
Critical feedback is adored
Comments
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Wonderful!
The images produced as I read entranced me.
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Vodka-drenched report cards
papered the walls
I really liked the image this conjured. Also found the title exquisite. Very haunting and musical. Honestly, I found some parts of this a little disjointed, yet overall, the effect was both surreal and smoothly presented.
Nice. -
Whereas I normally discourage abbreviated words such as 'cause, or tho or thru, etc, I find I would rather see "gonna" than "going" in the third-to-last line. Or even "goin'" would be preferable for some reason. It seems to put a stammer in the flow that I just don't like one little bit, lol, especially given that the rest of the poem was very nicely done. The last two lines were beautiful, and what I appreciated most about the piece.
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