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The Battle of Memories Part 1

A vast sea of white lies before me
All at once I am submerged in thought
Memories burst forth from their prison cells
and all at once I am confronted with my past.

Face to face with fallen dreams
Surrounded, engulfed by images I left to rot
I search past these thoughts, to the future, seeing nothing, only hell
The eyes of this world now fixed on me, an expansive world, simply vast.

Standing my ground, I take each thrown blow
All around me, take their swing
My body begins to waver
and with one giant blow, my body falls and finds the ground.

Thinking upon it all, my body begins to grow
All at once I am upon my feet, lifted by unearthly wings
My eyes look to the battle ahead, and with a smile, I begin to savior
My mind and soul fill with an echoing cry, an heroic sound.

This battle seems lost
My mind, my body, my soul will suffer a great cost
But I will stay and I will fight
I will stand, for I am in the right.

Bleeding, bruised, and broken, my strength finally begins to fade
My shoulders drop from up high, my head bows to my chest, my eyes close
The eyes begin to creep ever so near
Their fire projects forth and I feel the flames upon me.

The burning fills my soul with rage
My crimson pours forth from my veins, flooding my life's road
With a moment of clarity my body erects, my eyes open absent of fear
The battle is drawing to an end, soon everything that need be, will be.

Author notes

"I'd rather die standing, then live on my knees begging please no more..."

1) dark and full of meaning
2) I prefer emotional prompts. Ones that speak to me
3) asimplepoeticmind
4) I truly like this peice and think it can be great. It means a great deal to me and hope that it helps others.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22
  • She Stole My Voice
    September 4, 2008

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    "I'd rather die standing, then live on my knees begging please no more..."

    -That's amazing.
    The piece is great.
    Thanks for entering and good luck.


    -Rainbow.


  • warrior-eagle
    May 12, 2008

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    Thanks for entering.
    Would like to read part 2
    very well done,
    Thanks for entering.

    ..Simply Me♥

  • Virgoan
    March 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well described piece with good images...

    Love these lines:

    'The burning fills my soul with rage
    My crimson pours forth from my veins, flooding my life's road
    With a moment of clarity my body erects, my eyes open absent of fear'

    All in all, a good write.

    Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

    HENSLEY


  • icyrose
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hmmm...this poem isn't necessarily depressing as
    x Empathic Rose x suggests,it is more of learning to face reality even if it might seem incredibly hard and to learn to deal with your inner demons. I like your quote as well, and find it extremely true and great words of wisdom to all.
    Great imagery and description of the darkness and haunting of your memories, hopes and dreams.

    This battle seems lost
    My mind, my body, my soul will suffer a great cost
    But I will stay and I will fight
    I will stand, for I am in the right.

    I especially like this part because it's very strong and full of emotion, when even if you are sure you will loose, giving up is not an option.

    Good Luck and thanks for entering!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    August 27, 2007

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    Some of this is very ... dark and depressed. Of course, the topic does give that impression away straight away. Just looking for upbeat stuff, I'm afraid. Great write though.


  • forever dreaming
    June 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think the first line could do with a little tweak. To me the word vast-less would imply that it it in fact not vast at all. Perhaps remove the less and just have vast as that would create a better image in my mind. I would also remove the word cells from the 3rd line. Prison already tells us that they are trapped, locked in without narrowing it down to individual cells. In the second stanza I would remove the simply vast as you have already said an expansive world so you are merely repeating what you say just using different words. 4th stanza I think is meant to be savour instead of savior and "a heroic sound" instead of an heroic sound. The 5th stanza could use a minor tweak. Perhaps try breaking up the lines to add more emphasis such as :

    This battle seems lost.
    My mind,
    my body,
    my soul will suffer
    a great cost.
    But I will stay
    and I will fight.
    I will stand.
    For I believe I am right.

    I would lose the forthright opinion that you are right and say that you believe you are right becasue it then conveys the snese that there may be others who do not think you are.

    The rest of the poem I feel is fine. These are merely my suggestions. Feel free to use any of them or not. At the end of the day it is your poem but I am looking at it from a readers point of view. The overall subject matter is however very strong. WWell done and many thanks for entering.


  • broken-colours
    June 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing imagery in this one. You very-much deserved that silver for this one. Thanks for your entry & best of luck to you in my contest


  • NickelleteXninja
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done
    an inspiration to stand up for yourself...

    the past alwasy comes back to hunt you

    and I love the tittle


  • babi
    May 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you paint a very vivid picture, beautiful imagery used throughout. Fighting untill your last breath, prepared to use every ounce of your energy untill it dispences. Very imaginative and different, being trapped knowing you are fighting a losing battle but fighting still regardless. Very brave and courageous the hero that you paint. The rhyming seems natural and not forced it flows brilliantly. My favourite part of the poem which emphasises fighting to the death are the lines:
    "My body begins to waver
    and with one giant blow, my body falls and finds the ground."
    loved the way that you used your body, stressing that although your body might be beat, your soul will never be, so overall they can never win, they win the battle but you win the war. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest babi xxxx


  • Trixie08
    May 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    There are so many things I have to say about this piece. It's powerful and inspiring. I loved the personification in this piece and I think that it added some dept. There is absoutly nothing I wouldn't change about this piece. Great Work and Thank you for entering.


  • willowprincess
    May 5, 2007

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    great job. the strength expressed in these words is incredible. the lines seemed a little long, but i still enjoyed it. good luck in the contest.


  • Sokarjo
    March 3, 2007

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    Very good poem... excellent thoughts.
    "I'd rather die standing, then live on my knees begging please no more..." I like that.
    Thanks for your entry.


  • IndividualEleven
    March 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    pretty good, great emotions, I could feel the struggles within, as well as nice vocabulary used. only one thing, the length of each line is a little long, which takes away from the flow and may cause readers to drift and loose attention, thanks for entering, enjoyed it greatly. - Jacen an IndividualEleven.


  • redmarkonthewall
    March 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad. Well set up, has good lines and good techniques. You may have to explain a bit more how this poem is related to option number 4. Either way it is a good poem and thank you for entering it. Good luck.


  • aslanlight
    February 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Incredible! You think like I do.


  • HerbalGoat
    February 18, 2007

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    Great piece. I like the feelings you placed within, and to have it all based off of that one quote is just amazing. The only thing I have to suggest is maybe go over and revise punctuation. Some places would work better with a semi-colon instead of a comma, or a comma should be placed where there isn't one, etc. This is really all up to you and how you would like readers to read and understand your poem. Thanks for entering and good luck. Oh, and I'm looking forward to reading part 2 (if there is or will be one).


  • Quixotically Yours
    February 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good inspirational write, with a lot of good meaning behind it. I agree with the previous comments, however; you have a few grammar and spelling mistakes that you should probably look over. Thanks for entering this contest!


  • Cat -lover08
    February 6, 2007
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    Keep your head up high because I still thought this was a very nice write!!!


  • Cat -lover08
    February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    ???????

    Do you think you entered this in the wrong contest??

  • Cat -lover08
    February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Sorry.....

    You poem did not follow my rules. Did you forget this was a rictameter contest?, I will have to remove this from my contest, sorry, You may write another if you like though. So sorry I can see this took you a very long time, but rules are rules.


  • Welcome-To-Hell
    February 3, 2007

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    This is a very good write very descrpitive however the rules were for 20 written lines or less and you exceeded that so i must disqualify


  • December 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a good poem. However, I would check the spelling, as you have spelled a few words wrong.

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