Pink star lillies and dripping fluids,
I belong in the forest with the witches and druids.
Diamonds, silver, and ripped white lace,
You can hide your body, but not your face.
Sweet little babies, sharp edges on ice,
I'll live in your pocket and only eat rice.
Designer watches, splitting skin seething,
Look in the mirror to see, why she is still breathing.
The Phantom, the beauty, and the beast,
At the round table they will sit, on her flesh they will feast.
Perfume and wine, bubble fairies and art,
If you deceive her with lies she'll rip out your heart.
Dogs, angels, lions, a book she's still writing,
An addict on the run from her fix she keeps fighting.
Amaretto, expresso, blankets, and beer,
In this warm wet darkness let me disappear.
Luxury cars and a four wheeling jeep,
I lay here and dream, without falling asleep.
Money, success, a full moon on the rise,
Can you hear her screaming..... when the wolf cries?
Author notes
"Rules Suck" A beautiful woman and all of her material interests was my inspiration.
A contest entry
- What is Unwritten? by Sprite.
1000 points, ended May 4, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me what you got...2 by Luckintheshadows.
1000 points, ended June 20, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by MrCrepsley.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Collectors by ourgirlFriday.
700 points, ended April 27, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me the most cliché thing you can think of. by wraven.
400 points, ends December 5, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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My goodness, how this remarkable piece didn't receive the coveted golden goblet is beyond me. Your imagery is striking and original, and your poem is picturesque like a postcard from Babylon. I wish you would have entered this piece in my 'Glampyre' contest that I hosted a while back. Great stuff!!!
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wow...
I don't know what to say
other then it gave me the
chills as I read it. Well written. -
Beautifully expressive, soul-chillingly dark, all in all an excellent write!! made me feel a bit of Moulin Rouge - tripping on absinthe with the "bubble fairies"...lol, I really REALLY like this!
Thanks for sharing, and entering my contest,
Luck.
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For some reason I get this more on the second reading! The third stanza is my least favorite. In the third I do not like the use of B. and B. and those fairies. I think the fourth is terrific at setting the scene. I feel the crowds,the multitude of personalities, hear the noise of Vegas. But who can resist the first stanza with such imagery?
Thanks again for entering. ~ Joyce
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Very nice first line. I like the rhyme scheme though I am not especially fond of rhyme. I don't think "bubble fairies" fit the tone of the poem...Nicely written and quite interesting.
Thanks for entering.
~ Joyce -
this is a very good poem filled with emotion! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox
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I don't think I understand this piece, but it is highly creative and different... I am not a huge fan of fantasy, and I read this as a metaphor about risk & which risks in life are worth taking... not sure how the title works with some of the descriptions and some portions of the scene, particularly:
"Sweet little babies, sharp edges on ice,
I'll live in your pocket and only eat rice."
there are also portions that read more like a list than a poem, however, that being said, I would like to read more from you because this piece is, at the very least, highly intriguing...
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OHMYGAWD!!!
I luff it.... it was like you were discribing me (well, thats what my friend who is reading over my shoulder says)
very nice write. the rhyme didn't annoy me like it ussualy does... and I know from experiance that it takes an exelent writer to not annoy me with rhymes.
"Can you hear her screaming..... when the wolf cries?" <<--- -shivers run down my spine-
<3 Wolfie The Homicidal Mania -
This is my first time to read this poem. I will be re-reading all the entries like I usually do.
Initial score = 9.2
Thanks for sharing and keep on writing my friend.
VIRGOAN -
great write, really interesting and great to read - some excellent use of metaphor etc.
I am a big fan of rhymes when they are written flawlessly, however I did tend to feel that alot of the rhyming was forced at stages in your poem.
Other than that it's a brilliant write and good luck in my contest!
Much love and respect
Trento -
The title really drew me in, and I was pleasantly surprised by this. Sometimes the flow feels a little bit awkward or strained, but the cleverness of it overpowered that most of the time. I like the phrase "a book she's still writing;" I'm not sure why, but it just stood out for me. Also, "money, success, a full moon on the rise" gave a very ominous and intense sort of feeling. Very well done overall
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I love the imagery. for a poem that rhymes [nothing personal, I'm not a big fan of rhyme]. but this poem really works with the rhyme scheme.
[An addict on the run from her fix she keeps fighting.]
I really love that line...that inspires me.
thank you for entering and good luck
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Now there's a great poem of a garou, and the bright lights of Las Vegas, if I've ever seen one! Great job!
I'm impressed!
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Pretty good imagery
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very impressive
the flow was written very good with marvelous images for an original idea with depth in every stanza,,,,blessings of love,light,life....Fire Storm
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Nice word choice! The imagery is good and the story is original. I thought the title was hilarious. Job well done.
Good luck in the contest!
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