Do you not hear her calling your name?
Can you not see her screaming in anguish?
She wants you to hear her, to listen to her story.
She needs you to stay with her, to keep her alive.
Hear her calling,
As you selfishly walk away.
Hear her calling,
As you ignore a reason to stay.
Hear her calling,
From her grave, in your dreams.
Hear her calling,
With blood curdling screams.
Hear her calling.
Author notes
Picture prompt (Shantti contest)
In a list
A contest entry
- completely anything you want! NO RULES WHAT~SO~EVER! by ibsons hysops.
1000 points, ended May 30, 2007, 65 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your best. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 9, 169 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Stupore Rounds -Prewrites- by rainbows..
400 points, ended August 19, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable Mentions and Bronze Award Poems Contest! ^^ by MJ Forgives.
900 points, ended September 11, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites again :] 3 chances to win :] by Ami.
575 points, ended September 6, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep, Dark and Lovely by Shantti.
400 points, ended October 6, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
-
Wow this poem reminds me of so much of what my best friend was going through. It really does. I enjoyed reading your poem. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for your entry.
-Jess
-
Creepy. Good description though and I can really see the emotion and sadness and anger
Favorite lines: Hear her calling,
From her grave, in your dreams.
Hear her calling,
With blood curdling screams.
Those lines were really strong.
Thanks for entering.
Overall grade: 7/10 -
very good and almost chilling write, thank you for entering
-
This remindes me of a song.
"Hear her calling,"
Im a sucker for repetivness, and you pulled this off perfectly. -
Thanks for entering && Good luck
[if you end up a finalist I'll leave a more detailed comment] -
The emotions that you have embedded within the words are really strong, and have quite a sad edge to them actually.
While reading this, it came to mind this might be some kind of songlyric really Not sure if that was the intention or not?
Anyway, I did enjoy reading this
Leander -
Well... this was quite chilling and has promise and much potential however I think you need to go over it again because it could be so much more. Honestly. More imagery and more passion is needed. ... Congrats on the honorable mention... but like I said this could be so much more... even golf worthy.
-
though this piece didnt say much, it expressed a million things. My first impression was that this piece was chilling and uneasy....and that made it good. I actually shivered as I thought of this girl, screaming as she tried to get this person to stay.
wonderful write!
s -
good write
you dont leave anything out that should be there. the flow worked well the form fit the speaker and it left me not asking any questions. i truly liked this piece because it reminded me of some other dark poets i have read on the site that already in my favorites and now i am adding you. keep writing -
Excellent Poem,Indeed
I Enjoyed Reading This Poem, Very Much. This Poem, Really Stands Out. A few Short Words' With So Much Meaning, That Just Jumps Out At You@The End!!! Loved it...'God Bless You My Friend'...Love, Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo................................
-
I appreciate the strong message here. This has been written quite beautifully and is very different! i love few lines from this piece which get my attention.
......
Hear her calling,
As you selfishly walk away.
Hear her calling,
As you ignore a reason to stay.
Beautiful! -
-
Thank you!
-
-
hmmmm... i wonder who she is? this is dark, cold, and full of pain.. i enjoyed this write, great entry! thanks for entering and good luck to you!
-
First of all, I really like the background you chose, it went along very well with this piece.
I really liked the emotions you conveyed with this piece; there were a few parts when I feel as if it was a bit too dramatically worded, and if it was toned down a little bit, that it would be more effective. One example of where I saw this was the line
"With blood curdling screams".
I really LOVED how your title was the same as your last line, and the last line worked perfectly with this piece; really making the reader think about people who could be calling in their own lives.
This is one of the few piece I've read that can do rhyme without it sounded overly-forced; so great job with that. I didn't even realize it rhymed until reading it a 2nd time, which I think it really hard to do!
Thanks for sharing this, it was really an amazing piece!
Amanda -
Congrats on your honorable mention. Very nice write, I love the selfish aspect to this. Good luck.
♥
whisper
-
Very nice
Full of emotion. Nice to see a trophy on this piece. ~Pamela
-
This piece is unique, as well as makes me turn my ears on and look over my shoulder. It is spooky, and unsettles the stomach, but also helps us remember that we are remembered by those who have passed...we just need to listen. I loved the flow, the detail, and pretty much everything about this piece. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing! Also, good luck in the contest!
-
This is very different. I have not come across these thoughts ever before. Your a Finalist! Good luck in the Contest!
-
oooo kinda scary. deep and dark. wonderful piece that makes you think. nice work.
-
Reads like a very short lyrical piece. As if it could be expanded on. Have nothing else really to say but that.
-Nam -
-
so u don't like it? I understand.
-
-
Great write
I like this poem. It has a good flow and gret form. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
i like this, a lot. especially the lines hear her calling, with blood curdling screams.
but great write all together, i love it
-
Terrific
This is a great write. -
Good write. I like the eeriness of "Hear her calling."
The 3rd stanza is tight. Good job.
-
this is a fine write though it seems a bit cluttered with words unnecessary one eexample NOT in first line but ll in all not bad!
Love annd light,
Blaze -
-
thanx
Thank you for your wise and helpful insight. It means alot to me
-
-
Great
Sis, That was a unique piece.Never really into dark poems but looks like I'm liking this one. I see this one's an entry for a contest. Wishing you all the luck in the world. All the best! -
Erie...
This poem of one shouting to another for help yet remains unheard is so sad. I hope not a reality for you. There are certainly many here that can read your words. Nicely done.
You have a wonderful sense of rhythm and rhymn and therefore have a tallent. One that you should continue to pursue, one which could even pay your way some day in the arts. Poetry is never a money-maker but is very satisfying.
Jim
-
I like this, girl! good job. I think that the only thing I would offer is that I wish there were more. It seemed too short to me. But at the same time, I am always reluctant about telling people that they should add to a poem..soo...I would just leave it. Great write. I like it a lot. And I would agree that the repetition makes the poem.
-
-
Hear Her Calling
What did you think about my forced/cheap rhyme? It was good wasn't it? Lol!
-
-
two thumbs up
That was very deep...I can picture homeless people who been out on the streets who really need help and I just brush them off my shoulders. Thinking they only asking for money so they could get wasted. I feel really bad now...
-
i really liked this, it waa amazing you've done a really good job.. i can hear her calling... good job keep up the good work if this is about u and u need to talk imhere to listen
-
Great Job
Wow, its soo short, yet is holds a extreme power over the reader...I really like this one. You have such brilliant talent, I am happy you give me the chance to read your work!1 Keep penning!! -
Hear her calling
Pain filled screams,
Tears in her eyes.
Hear her calling,
Won't someone give
Her a helping hand?
Wow what a great piece!!!!!!! I love this. A lot of power within your words here!!!!!! -
Excellent
This gave me goosebumps..as if someone walked over my grave
Strong message here, for those who want to hear...Society often chooses not to hear, until it is too late.The repetition in this poem gave it impact. Excellent
-
Cool. Cool impact at the end. Nice use of space.
-
Amazing!
Amazing strong beat! I love this poem!Awesome!
Adding your comment:
1 - 38 of 38
