As I wear a robe of nails
I go through a maze alone in my head
And I get lost more deeply inside myself
I am immune to mercy
As I gather the black roses of hatred
My fingers are gashed by their thorns
I get showered upon by a storm of tears
I am immune to mercy
The air fills my lungs with deadly fumes
The sun burns my eyes with flames from hell
My heart is shattered by a rock called the world
I am immune to mercy
As I near the end a scream arises
And my ears begin to bleed
The blood runs down and I fall to the ground
I am immune to mercy
As I lay there deaf in depression, I cannot speak
And I watch the angels of mercy smile amongst themselves
Only to find they are laughing at me
I am immune to mercy
Author notes
this poem was written on 1-1-05. I just found it in my droor of old things....tell me what you think!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It's different.
You know, I like your work, I truly do. I wish you would write more as so I can see a deeper side of you. It's interesting what someones poetry can tell about a person.
This one, it was alright. Most of it seemed a little bit forced, but the positive side of that is the vocabulary and imagery used is QUITE impressive, in my opinion. And one part...
~And I watch the angels of mercy smile amongst themselves
Only to find they are laughing at me~
That line is just so... powerful. I highly recommend (and I usually don't recommend this when it comes to poetry)that in a future poem.. you reuse that part. Just one, just when you find the right poem... use it.
I'm going to applaud this. It's not one of my favorites, but it wasn't a waste of my time to read it.. and it made me even more interested in what you write.
(By the way, as I repeat read it... I like it more and more.)...
(After five minutes of reading it)
Damn. It almost does have a religious feel to it. And even if not, it's... so... powerful. All of it... is so... powerful. I'm applauding it more than once. I'm only not deleting my above comments because.. it's how I felt at first. What was the inspiration?
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Very Good
I find the repeating last line very powerful. It really hits home the key point you are addressing here. If I may make a suggestion, it would be great to include a few lines on how this makes you feel. When I finished reading the poem I almost felt like asking you that very question, as if the poem begs it. But I guess perhaps that’s the idea you had in mind, that you are immune to mercy and thus don’t feel much at all? Am I right?
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a good piece, made me think of jesus! good imagery used. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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