In the mass of people roaming my mind,
Your face is all I see.
That pinprick of happiness swells to a swoon,
Upon picking-out the eyes to my heart.
They jangle my nerves
And tickle my lips into a smile.
The simile is transformed
As the keys unlock my mind
And I fall hopelessly into your safety.
The heat of security,
Two turning swirling heads,
Alternately loving,
Dances back to the front
And our fingers brush
And we are ours.
Author notes
Inspiration: Imogen Heap: Hide and Seek, Simon.
Ladame 6.
A contest entry
- Calling All Writers & Poets Alike....! by B Chandler.
1050 points, ended January 29, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Writing, Love, Nature, or something else! (in other words, OPTIONS & points!) by Chocoholic156.
790 points, ended May 29, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Talk to me about it?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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a good poem, i like the swirling movements here, the dance of love in the eyes, the colour that sweeps us off our feet.
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I am terribly sorry. But this is a great poem but has went over the 50 word rule
I normally am not s strick. but this contest calls for it.
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I like the song of this. It seems to be very sweet and visual. I like it a lot. My favorite part is:
"And tickle my lips into a smile." -
Amazing write, especially the ending
"The heat of security,
Two turning swirling heads,
Alternately loving,
Dances back to the front
And our fingers brush
And we are ours"
Enjoyed reading this, Thanks For entering and Good Luck =D
~ForeverLastingComa aka Leesha~ -
I really like the ending of this poem.
"And we are ours" sounds wrong grammatically, but I have nearly broken my brains upon it and figured out it isn't
lol
thank you for entering this contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
This is a lovely write, though I notice some things that can really take away from this, respectively being the words that are capitalized that do not need to be. Other than that sweet job.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
I noticed you did not pick your choice of the e-book title. Please post it in your authors notes.
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OH!!! THE rule!! I see now...how silly of me:
“In-between the Lines of Love” would probably be for the best, I think. -
-1st stanza, line 2 uncapitalize the "Y" in Your. Also do the same to the "U" in upon in the last line.
-2nd stanza, Line 2 uncapitalize the "A" in And, "A" in As, and the "A" in And in lines 4 an 5.
-3rd stanza, Line 2 uncapitalize the "T" in Two,also put a comma after the word "turning". Uncapitalize the "A" in Alternately and the "D" in Dances, put a period after the word "front".
-4th stanza would seem better written like this:
As our fingers brush,
we are ours.
Overall, I like this. It has great feeling and emotion. I find it to be rather sweet. You may feel free to change the things I pointed out, it's your choice. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thanks
Thanks for your comments, but I did those things for a reason, or several reasons. I appreciate your reading my work and looking at it so carefully, thank you.
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Thanks for this heart felt poem in entry.I enjoyed reading. It seems the title rule has been overlooked.
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This is very beautiful and has such a soft flow to it...Thank you so much for sharing with me and for entering
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Very nice!
I like how you express yourself! Welcome to AP! Let us know if there is anything you need or don't understand!
Thank you for sharing this really sweet poem! -
Welcome to AP
This is a very different poem. I like it. The flow is good and you express yourself very creativly.
I wanted to welcome you and as a member of the greeter team let you know that if you have any questions or need help navigating the site just send us a message you can find our user names on the right side of your screen under the heading Greeters, or you can click on the help tab at the top of your page.
I encourage you to write, read and post and to explore our online community
Peace, love and hope
God Bless
Tammy
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