A fake life,
Painful existence.
Suicidal mind.
In need of assistance.
Broken smile.
Uncontrolable tears.
Nothing left,
But a heart full of spears.
Unknown life.
Rumours spread.
Cuts are made.
Blood is shed.
Dangerous thoughts,
Lead to death.
Three murmered words,
With her last breath...
I Hate You!!!!
A contest entry
- sad, life or maybe just about what ever! by DelaneyDisaster.
443 points, ended March 2, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me emotion by LaLaLie.
360 points, ended April 14, 2007, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is short, but i really do lvove it because i can relate, and you put the words very well...
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im soryr you can relate to it
but i am glad you like dit, thanks for the comment
take care
luv HB
xoxoxoxo
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for my purpose: 9
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Wow, this is breath taking. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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Sis, I love this. It's so intense, and I can deeply relate! Just...WOW! You are amazing at writing. And I truly mean that. Perfect flow, and perfect rhyme here. Good luck in the contest...(Haha. I entered too!)
Lots of luvvvv!
<3BeautifulDisaster9 -
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lol good luck in the contest too
i am really glad you liked this one, i actually liked it too... and it isnt like me to like my own poetry :S lol.
take care hun
love you heaps!!
XoXoXoX
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I must admit that this scares me a bit (must be the Mum coming out) It is a very intense write and you have portrayed exactly how you felt. Good luck in the contest
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sorry to scare you like that. but put it this way, im writting about cutting or wanting to cut, then i cant be doing it. writting about it helps keep me away from doing it.
this poem helped me ALOT! more than most of my others. but thanks for the comment.
take care
XoXoXoXoXoX
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oh wow very nice! i really like this one and it flows very well! this is a great piece i liked how you where almost describing everything and made it rhyme, you did a great job and good luck in my contest
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Haha, found part 1...wow...evil again. I can feel the hate just drip off...really good on the rhyming too. Kudos! Great job and keep writing!
*snap*
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i'm glad you liked it, thanks alot
take care
XoXoXoXoXoXoXoX
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Wow. Breathtakingly bitter
Ouch, that felt bitter on my tongue. I love it even more than the other one I'm sorry that you feel that bad. The flow was great this time and so was the rhyming, it was fantastic 
The lines I like best are those:
“Broken smile.
Uncontrolable tears.
Nothing left,
But a heart full of spears...
Cuts are made.
Blood is shed.
Dangerous thoughts,
Lead to death...“
Well done!!
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OHHHH SHIT!!!
i Like it i really do the detail is good as usuall the flow is good it is very good my only greivence is that her last words take from the sensitivity of the voice you'd think it would say some thing with a touch of positivity but other than that good as usual -
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thanks for the advice and thanks for the comment... i dont know what else i can say lol.. thanks, take care
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Go on... you've brighter future...
wish you good luck
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thanks you for the comment, and i think i will need the good luck. take care XoXoX
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