It must have started somewhere
in conference of the skies.
After swimming atmospheres,
the strand of purest white
sat down, slowly,
upon black leather of my jacket,
unfelt.
With gentle touch,
as I approached,
it sparkled like the heavens.
And just before
I could hold it soft,
It trickled down in a stream.
Like love.
First snowfall,
and first love,
are special...
-----------------------------------
Dec 07, 2006
Author notes
inspiration: Frost - "the woods are lovely... " and "love at the lips was touch... "
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Nicely wistful.
"swimming atmospheres" is a very ice piece of imagery, and quite original...it's damned hard to find new combinations of words these days!
There's a sincere quality of wistfulness in this piece that's also hard to find in recent years; I admire that in any poem, but all the more when the topic is a 'first', and most of all where that first is love.
I'm certain that, with a work this well done, you'd like as close to perfection as you can manage, so I should point out
"I could hold it soft,
It trickled down in a stream."
The cap on "It" is inappropriate following a comma.
You can really never go wrong with Frost for inspiration.
-
-
Hi Deric,
Thanks so much for the wonderful, and helpful comment. It is nice to hear appreciation from a wonderful poet like you. I have also made the suggested change.
Good wishes,
Sau.
-
-
:-)
-
First snow flake...still waiting for it
First love is indeed unforgettable, no matter how young we were when it happened
This is a very gentle poem and has a lovely sight.
I wish you a great New Year, may love and happiness be always by your side
-
I love this message: "First snowfall,
and first love,
are special... "
Yes, I deeply believe that this is true! ♥
I hope that it will snow at my home soon and that the land will be so wonderfully embedded in snow.
Your poem is filled with unique and beautiful metaphors!!
Oh, you have written this so wonderfully and I wish you a good winter-time.
-
I wonder if it has snowed there yet? Very likely, it started falling here a few days ago and has barely stopped a moment.
Awesomke sentiments Sau, I find it a precious thought becuase the first snowfall of every year is special and the beauty is renewed even when I know that once Winter comes to settle in, it isn't going to leave for months.
Makes me wonder if Love also tires like nature, spring buds to autumn dust... snowflakes to trickles... Definately something to contemplate more.s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
-
Delicate
The first flakes of snow are like that, beautiful, fragile, temporary. What a great metaphor!!
-
unique
Beautiful words fall like snowflakes in your poem....
Lovely write! TY so much for entering this to warm our hearts!
Lynda
-
The glory of the first snowfall, and a wonderful quote to inspire you! I liked your poem very much, it sets up such a lovely scene, one which I anticipate to view soon.
Good luck in the contest,
Susie
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
