his beard rubbed, hard-
the inside of tender thighs,
as lips sucked greedily.
my eyes stared vacantly,
coloured lights dancing
flashing brilliantly,
illuminating legs-
spread eagled...
as that jolly prick-
poised to drive
the misconceptions home.
with whiskey laced breath
I was unmoved, lost-
among the guttural response-
reverberating in my head.
"merry fucking Christmas,"
his load delivered now,
swaggering in satisfaction.
I do not bother to close my legs,
for the line forms to the right.
limp now, smiling, satisfied,
he tosses me a twenty-
from his sally ann kettle.
charity for the lost and desperate,
reinforcing my thoughts,
it is the needy who are fucked-
over and over...
with bright wrapping paper-
I quietly wipe away my present,
spreading legs wider still-
next...
Author notes
Inspired by the work of Charles Bukowski. This piece explores the use of intimacy as a metaphor for the many ways the poor are used and forgotten by society.
In a list
- Gold Winners • next in list
- Tributes to Famous Poets and Poems Inspired By Their Work • next in list
- Society • next in list
A contest entry
- a contest for poets with thick skin. by duke of balabamas.
300 points, ended April 14, 2007, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Will Someone Please Impress Me? by anon053641.
625 points, ended June 27, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bukowski/Ginsberg by Beata.
600 points, ended October 2, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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Nice clear writing. Stylistically I think it is too abstract. It is one large metaphor. Bukowski tells you a story than gives his opinion about what it means. His poems are less metaphors than commentaries. If Bukowski had written this I think he would have told a story about a prostitute who got stiffed by a weIl off customer on christmas. It would be concrete and specific and grounded in a real experience.
I think I know what I am talking about here but I could be wrong. Your poem made me think a great deal. Bukowski would probably want to punch me!!!
Thanks for the entry. good luck.
Allan -
I always love a good metaphor. You did a fantastic job at expressing this. For once, it was a somewhat erotic poem with a point. The idea was brilliant, great poem. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Very cleverly done. Good luck in this contest and happy trails
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Wow! I see why you did so well in the contest. Great stuff. And it's not the sex, it's the tone with which you wrote and the depth of feeling (and lack of emotion) that really made this stand out. I will look to see what else you have written.
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Bravo!
Did someone say Bukowski?
I think you might be adding another shiny here! I wish you the best in the challenge but I don't think you need it.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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amazing
good luck in the contest
although you probably don't need it.. -
you just knocked someone out of the trophies
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Nice!
Very creative, the metaphor is just outstanding. It tells two complete stories. Great write, thank you for entering.
Steven -
I picture Santa delivering this load... interesting for certain, very visual... I see the point and it is very well conveyed... creative and such strong wording... very pointed... I appreciate the author's notes, but the ending lines of the piece makes the comparison pretty clearly... and personally, I would describe the encounter explored in the piece as casual or lacking in intimacy, the opposite of intimate, really - but I see what you are saying... thanks for sharing this piece...
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haha.....this one's great for sure!
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Wow a different side to you than I am used to seeing but one in which I like. A very good interpretation of how the poor are taken advantage of by society and then tossed out like the trash. I love this and read it three times...best of luck here in this contest.
Becky
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Thank you so much for finding this in your poetry archives and for entering it in my contest, I am honored!
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Wow, a side to you I didn't know! You are such a lil tart but a damn good poet and you know it! ♥
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tonight I have read one excellent write after another , I feel exhausted ..so much emotion here...I feel like bawling my eyes out here
what you have done here is just ...exceptional , mind blowing and just heart wrenching...
WOW
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brilliant.
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stark and raw, misconception ? hmmm i don't think there's any naievity present here. definately though a glimpse outward thru the eyes of desperate soul.
fresh words, nicely done
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thank you for entering my contest!
a powerful and understandly dark and personal poem with a lot of emotion. it created a sense and atmosphere that almost put me in that hotel or whatever room. -
Wow. This truly set the stage for bleak. Excellent entry. After all, what else would there be to say in this position. Best of luck in this contest. ~Pam
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I have this way of saying 'for fuck's sake' in a silly ass wannabe irish accent, your poem made me say it, lol.
I like this a lot...
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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hahahha- you- with an irish accent is something i'll have to hear... you southern belle; you.... heheheh
as for this piece.. well it fucking well has the feisty xmas Buk-bite for me.. strange that i bit my lip whilst reading this one..
well done and many thanks for entering our contest..
good luck too... i like this one a bunch too
G.x -
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LOL, the southern accent is no more, has been replaced with a slight New Yawk accent. I am so easily adapted
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wow
How sad. Very well written on a subject not often written about. It's bad what some people let themselves do to survive. It sure didn't make me feel all Christmasy, but I enjoyed reading it. Great flow and the imagery was excellent. I think you have a winner here. Keep writing!
Carolyn ~j~
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Utterly and profoundly disturbing. You've put a new spin on Christmas. One that hits close to home for me. I've got demons about Christmas and this poem startled them. BRAVO!!
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If genius is the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way, this piece of poetry indeed has the spark of the "genius". Substantial, thought-provoking and witty. Its not only profound and simple, its sharp and sensitive too. Way to go!!
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Damn. I had this one bookmarked....
but you have mastered this, really brilliantly done.
Bukowski would be proud! -
to all readers!!!!!
Right, hands in pockets, wallets, purses and all. do it, do it now. take out what you got and put it safe in a place you remember , the next time a charity knocks on your door you'll know what to do. this message although portraying one of the more unsavoury pictures of what some have to do to get by, has struck home, and struck home hard. if it hasn't, then maybe you should try it and see, enough said. now get your next gift out and ready. go on, we're waiting.....
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This sounds like something BUKOWSKI could sink his teeth into, indeed!
A BUKOWSKI CHRISTMAS may not be a Holy and Pretty one BUT it's a day of reality for some that must do whatever it is neccesary to make both ends meet in more ways then one! You painted quite a picture of the sedier side of love quite expertly done and filled with emotion - to say the least! Thanks for featuring this piece tonight for otherwise I would have sad missed it and it's very poewerful message!
Peace & Love!
Earl.
GOOD LUCK in the contest BUT if you ask me - this has to be THE GOLD TROPHY WINNER! You've got my vote - anyway - for what it's worth!
Peace and Love in heaven and on earth! -
You portray the brutality better than I have ever read before. The anguish and profound guttural way you have written is powerful. Good luck in the contest.
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A very power packed piece written superbly may I add, Bella.
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what the hell! haha, is this about getting railed by santa clause? this is priceless. you are soooo getting a bookmark. oh and if i misunderstood the meaning of this peice, forgive me, it is very late!
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Wow!
Wow lol I wasn't expecting that at all! Haha that was great. The whole time I was like "but, wha, uh, oh my" lol. But it as VERY well written and I enjoyed reading as I have never read anything like it. Really great job.
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Wow
You said alot here, So many go without, It saddens my heart that we forget the poor, So many do so much but there is never enough done, Excellent write, Write on
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very creative!!!
I Intensely enjoyed this very much!!! -
Yet again Bunny you have penned something to make people sit up and take notice ... yet done in such a way that the poetic visions are still there.
Applauds are worthy ... as usual.
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BRILLIANT
Sadly this poem reflects reality for too many. A poignant Christmas write. Desparation can lead to degradation for the men and women involved. -
Raw
This is breathtakingly sad. "The line forms to the right..." and "he tosses me a twenty-", this sounds like prostitution in its grittiest form. LOL, I guess a girl has to make a living some way, it's not up to me to judge. The poem is very well written, the images called up are strong.
I can't help but laugh at an experience, I was a bank teller in the 70's and a working lady(?) came in every Monday with a cash deposit of several hundred dollars in twenty dollar bills. One week she came in with her leg in a cast and her deposit was all ten dollar bills Half-price sale? Sorry 'bout that, it's weird what things come to mind.
This write is brilliant.
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Damn girl I wouldn't let them look at it for twenty. Those drunk men would pay a lot a whole lot more and you might even start to look for men with just a bit more class. Women make a living and a fortune doing this. Don't sell yourself so short.
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Thanks
Thanks so much glad you enjoyed it, just a metaphor though, not reality lol..
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i can't even begin to say how wonderful this was. definitely not something we hear about during this time of year, and it's nice to have someone to bring us to these harsh realizations that not everyone has a merry Christmas.
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Thank you
Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments, on this piece, I am so very glad you enjoyed it!
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Wow . So expressive and powerfully written. We forget those who will and need to go through hell just to survive, not only at this time but more especially i guess.
Really packed a punch and told the truth like it is
Fabulous write indeed
Gaylene
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Thank you
Thank you Gaylene for your wonderful comments on this piece, so glad you enjoyed it!
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powerful
the lady in this poem fucked herself morethen any guy of the line
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I would say the first thought that came to mind was "dont get a paper cut" but then thought, by the time she wiped with the paper, she was probably already numb and it wouldnt matter anyway.
great work -
WOW
BLEW ME AWAY
DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY,
HOPE THINGS GET BETTER
ON YOUR CHRISTMAS DAY.
POETDONTKNOWIT -
Thanks
Thanks so very much Janet for your wonderful comments, so glad you enjoyed this one! Smoosh (stolen from you), whoosh, hugs,
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Now that is what I am talking about...
Darling
You took me out
and broke it down
shoved, your mouth shouts
unloved, your feelings drown.
Smoosh
Janet
PS- Why haven't I made you a fav before, because I am an idiot.
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